i didn't do it
so i wake up, and some intelligent blind guy tells me that i need to steal a truck. i say sure, but there's one problem. we can't just go up and take the truck, we have to get a huge chopper with a big magnet to carry it to my newly owned abandoned airfield. not a problem, i just got my flying license, that means i can...you know...fly stuff. but we have bigger problems, this chopper is located at an army base. so before i head off to take this chopper, i must accomplish many things.
1. steal a nice sports car from an unsuspecting civilian.
2. stop at my local illegal gun store, pick up some nice automatic guns, a combat shotgun, and some body armor.
3. stop at the burger joint for a happy meal :)
and i'm off. i go through the gate and some guy says "hey this is private..." but before he could finish his sentence i was going crazy with my karate chops (because i go to the gym baby!) suddenly, this alarm goes off. i could've sworn it was the fire alarm. i rushed into the base and i get greeted with an orgy of gunfire. duck and cover i think, this must be their traning ground. i pick off all the cardboard cutouts of the badguys (shhhh, be vewy vewy quiet, we're woyking for terrorists). but i noticed something horribly wrong as i went upstairs to turn the alarm off:
cardboard cutouts don't bleed all over the floor.
i rushed upstairs to find a doctor (because you know, every place has a doctor). i thought that this was surely the end of this base. suddenly, 2 choppers flew over my head, and i was amazed. i never knew emergency response was so good that they would get to the scene before i even told them about it!
of course, i soon realized that these were not choppers from a hospital. i don't know about anyone else, but i've never seen an emergency response team fire chainguns at a good samaritan such as myself. luckily, this was a poorly designed base, and for some reason, there are anti aircraft guns all over the place. take that i say as the choppers go splat on the concrete.
finally i take the chopper, fly halfway across town, take the truck, fly it to my airfield, and suddenly $15,000 falls into my pocket. through all this chaos, i seemed to attract a parade. a motorcade pulled up to me (actually it was just a motorcycle) and it had flashing lights. "nice christmas lights" i say to the driver. he responds by pulling a 9mm out of his pants and begins shooting at me. somewhere between eating my happy meal and flying an armored truck across town, i forgot that cops exist. so after plenty of running and finding my local pay and spray, i take off in another nice sports car untouched. i drove the nearest floating floppy disk, and saved my game.
too much grand theft auto.
the.pink.frenchman.