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In everything that's going on... In all of these super-charged emotional states... In all of these crazy issues that are just surrounding us... Can we please please please remember that everyone involved are human beings and are allowed their emotions, even if we assumed they were emotionally solid? Can we please not accuse or over-react or
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I love you, I love Emily, I love Cris. I really REALLY do. And I'm not mad at anyone. Something just got under my skin and wouldn't go away until I let it out. I shouldn't have, though, I know. I just want you to know that I'm not mad at you. I love you. I'm here for you. I'm sorry I wrote this journal and made you think I was mad.
I'm a real hypocrite... Here I was writing about how we shouldn't be accusing anyone of anything when that's exactly what I'm perceived as doing. I apologize. I really really do.
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I think you're doing what you can, and what you're doing is helping beyond words. I honestly do not know how you could make things worse. It's just... impossible for you. And really, I don't know if we could be getting out of this without what you and your sister are doing. When I say over and over how much I appreciate this, I really really mean it. I know you weren't accusing anyone of anything. You were begging people to start trying to patch things up. Not ignore it and pretend like nothing happened, but actually deal with the issues and listen to each other. Like I said, everyone is trying to preserve themselves while still doing what's right for others. There's not a doubt in my mind that that's what everyone's intentions are. I don't think there's an ounce of malice anywhere, just a lot of hurt, confusion, fatigue, stress... all of that.
I know you're feeling lost. I think everyone is. I know I am. I sit here and stare off in to space, just wondering what to do... thinking of what I'm going to say... what I'm going to do. And my heart ends up pounding and I feel light headed and dizzy and I want to cry because I'm so out of control of anything and there's nothing I can do to make anything better.
I know you love us, and we love you too. Lie I said earlier today, I can't imagine my life without you and Larissa and Emily in my life. (Cris too but... that's different.) You didn't hurt my feelings or anything here, and I didn't perceive you to be accusing anyone of anything. But this entry did make me think a little more. I just wish... we could all like... Vulcan mind meld and see exactly what we're all thinking and it would all become clear.
But we're not, and in order to heal, we're going to first have to bleed. But the wound here is plenty infected now so the whole has to be scraped and cleaned out and topped with some anti-bacterial fluid that I'm sure stings like a bitch. It's going to hurt. It's going to b ugly. There will be tears and probably more hurts before it's all said and done. It has to get worse to get better, after all. But after that, the blood and infection can flow out and a bandage can be applied and we can all start to heal. And I know that everyone is wanting this drama to be over in one way or another.
... and you just called me so you know the rest.
ILU SO MUCH CORINNE AND I LOVE LARRI TOO <333
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