(no subject)
this is the first time i've updated in months and months. i'm not exactly sure why i'm updating, other than i was on reading other people's journals and i felt like i had an obligation if i'm going to keep this journal.
alot of shit has happened lately to change my life. i'm not really the same person anymore. recently i have reached the lowest low possible for me. people i care about are dying, and my mental and physical health is terrible lately. theres rarely a day anymore that i can get out of bed and not be in immense pain somewhere. i dont know where all these health problems are coming from but i hate them. and i've been more mentally disconnected and psychotic lately than ever before. my mom made me switch pills, but the new ones give me migraines and give me a terrible pain in my stomach. its similar to what it would feel like to be impaled with something dull. i dont know what to do about that whole situation, because i cant just stop taking them. my mind is too dependent.
i always thought when something like this happened, when i lost hope in life and needed people to be there for me, i could rely on my friends. the thing is, most of the "friends" that said they would be there for me no matter what, havent been. i've had to go through most of this alone.
anyways, i have made alot of big mistakes lately, and most of them i regret. my self esteem has never really been this low, and i'm not sure what to do about this anymore. i'm not even sure what brought all this on. i might as well stop here. i'm sure no one is reading this bullshit anyways.
p.s..my grandpa was killed in a car accident today on the freeway. he didnt make it to the hospital, he died there on the side of the road. it hasnt exactly hit me yet, but i know it will.
alot of shit has happened lately to change my life. i'm not really the same person anymore. recently i have reached the lowest low possible for me. people i care about are dying, and my mental and physical health is terrible lately. theres rarely a day anymore that i can get out of bed and not be in immense pain somewhere. i dont know where all these health problems are coming from but i hate them. and i've been more mentally disconnected and psychotic lately than ever before. my mom made me switch pills, but the new ones give me migraines and give me a terrible pain in my stomach. its similar to what it would feel like to be impaled with something dull. i dont know what to do about that whole situation, because i cant just stop taking them. my mind is too dependent.
i always thought when something like this happened, when i lost hope in life and needed people to be there for me, i could rely on my friends. the thing is, most of the "friends" that said they would be there for me no matter what, havent been. i've had to go through most of this alone.
anyways, i have made alot of big mistakes lately, and most of them i regret. my self esteem has never really been this low, and i'm not sure what to do about this anymore. i'm not even sure what brought all this on. i might as well stop here. i'm sure no one is reading this bullshit anyways.
p.s..my grandpa was killed in a car accident today on the freeway. he didnt make it to the hospital, he died there on the side of the road. it hasnt exactly hit me yet, but i know it will.