(no subject)
Have you ever wondered? Truely ever wonder about the things that are surrouding us to this day? The daily activities? The everyday things and thoughts and ideals, emotions, material objects that fill our very lives each and every day?
I have...and I think I have been dwelling to much upon them these days, I mean, what the fuck?
I'm a little out there...well..a lot out there, but it still makes me wonder sometimes. A lot of my thoughts don't even make sense to myself, much less anyone that I talk to, because when I try to talk about them or anything like that, they come out ina jumbled mess, making me feel like I am a idiot and one that will never be truely understood.
This past of mine that I have, so many things wanting to come out, not enough time it seems. The past haunts me, I have dreams about them all the time, the past, past experiences, past lives....somethings that I want to remember, others, that I wish I would have never found out about.
Sleep is a unknown word to me once more, I haven't rested well in several days now, to many nightmares and to much back pain to pay attention to anything else lately. Maybe this is why my thoughts have been so chaotic lately, maybe...something is wrong with me. No..nothing is wrong with me, I am just confused, yes, very confused, but something that I will have to come to grips with in the near future.
Confusion is about the only thing that I can and feel like can describe myself at this time, I don't see anything else but a scared and confused little girl. That is all I see, I know others would argue, but this is the way that I feel, and bare with me, I am trying to overcome this obstacle like I have with everything else that has been thrown at me lately.
Listening to the music that I like, I find myself connecting with the words and saying that is what I feel or what I think, and I know they are just songs, but to me, the express everything that I am. Sounds horrible, that it does, but...that is another thing that I feel. Gah, confusing I told you, confusing.
And with everything that is going on, I still have things to hold onto. Friends, Vince, and the few family members that I have left, a few material things, but what I want most of all...is to not hurt anymore, not be confused, I want to feel free yet......I don't know...I'll update more later.
I have...and I think I have been dwelling to much upon them these days, I mean, what the fuck?
I'm a little out there...well..a lot out there, but it still makes me wonder sometimes. A lot of my thoughts don't even make sense to myself, much less anyone that I talk to, because when I try to talk about them or anything like that, they come out ina jumbled mess, making me feel like I am a idiot and one that will never be truely understood.
This past of mine that I have, so many things wanting to come out, not enough time it seems. The past haunts me, I have dreams about them all the time, the past, past experiences, past lives....somethings that I want to remember, others, that I wish I would have never found out about.
Sleep is a unknown word to me once more, I haven't rested well in several days now, to many nightmares and to much back pain to pay attention to anything else lately. Maybe this is why my thoughts have been so chaotic lately, maybe...something is wrong with me. No..nothing is wrong with me, I am just confused, yes, very confused, but something that I will have to come to grips with in the near future.
Confusion is about the only thing that I can and feel like can describe myself at this time, I don't see anything else but a scared and confused little girl. That is all I see, I know others would argue, but this is the way that I feel, and bare with me, I am trying to overcome this obstacle like I have with everything else that has been thrown at me lately.
Listening to the music that I like, I find myself connecting with the words and saying that is what I feel or what I think, and I know they are just songs, but to me, the express everything that I am. Sounds horrible, that it does, but...that is another thing that I feel. Gah, confusing I told you, confusing.
And with everything that is going on, I still have things to hold onto. Friends, Vince, and the few family members that I have left, a few material things, but what I want most of all...is to not hurt anymore, not be confused, I want to feel free yet......I don't know...I'll update more later.