Lonely

[nightrunner42]

I don't remember the last time I felt this alone. I am stuck here in this apartment with no friends in town, no gas money to go exploring, and no way to fix it. I can't even afford my goddamned rent this month, how am I supposed to go traveling to visit my friends who all live a half hour away? Most of my closest friends live in a different state. I drove with Kevin for two and a half hours this weekend to visit Norah and Chad in Plymouth, and it was the best night I've had in weeks. Nobody that I know in CT picks up their phones when I call. The people who would live far enough away that I can't hang out, because I have no fucking money to get me anywhere. I feel trapped in this apartment, and I don't know what to do about it. I love it here, and I love being on my own, but I wish that I knew a single person in this god forsaken town.

I scare people away, get ignored by my family, hydroplane into snowbanks, and get cancelled on by every single person I make plans with. I can't get a date because whenever I get a number the fucking asshole doesn't pick up. Or call me. Or I leave a message and get nasty vociemails from their fucking MOTHERS telling me how uncomfortable I make them. I miss cooking, but I cannot afford good food to cook. I'm losing hours at work because of a shitty economy, and I can't find a second job for the same reason.

I feel like a desperate, pathetic asshole and I hate it. I hate that there is nothing I can do right now to get me out of this.

Can it please be fucking Spring yet, because this Winter has been hell.