a work in progress
The beautiful thing about life is you never know what’s going to happen. The exciting can turn to the confusing and then to the dull and over-thought in a matter of minutes, or seconds even. People are so intricate and different that you never really know what you’re dealing with when you meet someone new. You have examples of certain types of people that you learned about in psychology class, or from mere experience. Yet, there are always things you haven’t come across. When that happens, you can't help but stick around and figure out what exactly makes that person tick. You want to analyze. Almost like a bird collector, or any type of collector, really. You have that collection burnt into your brain. You remember the species you like, and the ones you aren't quite as fond of, and when you realize you've found something you've never quite seen before, (not up close, anyway) you can't help but become overwhelmingly intrigued. After all, in this day and age, there isn't much that a 20-something year old person hasn't seen, and there isn't much to be afraid of anymore.
On the ride home from buffalo I came to a pretty profound epiphany. I wouldn’t even call it that. Just for a few seconds in the back seat of Rob’s old 80-something Toyota Celica-Supra, (or Supra-Celica?) I felt like I was exactly where I wanted to be. It was a strange type of feeling because at the time, I also felt like there was a 50-50 chance that I was going to projectile vomit all over the back of his car as a result of excessive drinking and dancing from the night before. I didn’t even really know any of the songs that were playing on his radio, My hair and body had a greasy residue because I hadn’t taken a shower for over 24 hours, and the windows were down with freezing air blowing straight into my face. The only thing that was enjoyable about that day, was that the sun was shining amazingly bright, but I wasn’t even in a condition to thoroughly enjoy it. Yet for some reason I felt like the moon, and stars aligned, (or maybe just robs car and the sun). Everything made sense to me. Note: I wasn’t on drugs, nor had I did any, (that count) the night before.
The night before was okay. Not spectacular, but certainly not unpleasant. It was nice to see people I knew, and kind of just let my cares float away with every few gulps of my labatt blue 40 oz. Like I said before, I danced a lot that night. It’s usually a sign that I’m pretty careless, because I’m too much of a scaredy cat to have an impromptu dance party when I’m sober. I let my mind wander while balancing the giant glass battle in my hand and spinning around aimlessly to whatever song that was blaring through the speakers. I was dancing like someone would dance to their favorite song, to EVERY song, and i didn't even know any of the music that was playing. I thought about Jack, (my pseudo-boyfriend) and Phil, (my ex-crush). Boys generally occupy my mind more than they should, and i realize this even more when i'm recollecting past events such as this one.
I call Jack my "pseudo-boyfriend" because we do absolutely nothing that truly constitutes a "relationship", besides the unmentionable. We are more "friends with benefits" than anything else, (as much as i hate to use that term). The last time I saw Jack was when I dropped him off at the airport the day before, (for spring break) and "we"/he came to the conclusion that we would stay "together" over break regardless of his “confusion” of whether or not he was ready to be in a "relationship". The funny thing about that whole situation is that when we first became "official", I was reluctant about the whole thing. Somewhere along the line I let my guard down and realized I may like him more than I ever thought I would. Basically as soon as I came to that realization, Jack started realizing that he was “confused”. At certain points he was pushing so hard that I was beginning to worry that he might be falling for me, and how guilty I would feel if I didn’t end up feeling the same about him. After all, he is only 18, and never been in love.
Around Midnight I received a text from Jack.
Jack: “Hey”
Me: “Hello”
Jack: “U still like me?”
Me: “Unfortunately :)”
Jack: “I like U 2”
I’m not going to lie, that left me with a pretty agreeable feeling for a little while, until I began to think way too much into it, (or looking back, i finally BEGAN thinking) and realized that he is always confessing his adoration for me, but has never showed me anything to back up his claim.
At some point in time Travis and all of the Corning kids showed up, (people that I actually met through Phil, my “ex-crush”).
2 months, (OR many alcoholic beverages and dance parties), later, (isn't that how most college students measure time these days?) things make far less sense than that surreal afternoon when i was riding back from Buffalo in Rob's car. I hate the fact that, the feeling that those "epiphanies" leave you with, only last for 15 minutes TOPS. Then everything is just as confusing as it was before. I will be honest and say i don't know whether i am coming or going.
On the ride home from buffalo I came to a pretty profound epiphany. I wouldn’t even call it that. Just for a few seconds in the back seat of Rob’s old 80-something Toyota Celica-Supra, (or Supra-Celica?) I felt like I was exactly where I wanted to be. It was a strange type of feeling because at the time, I also felt like there was a 50-50 chance that I was going to projectile vomit all over the back of his car as a result of excessive drinking and dancing from the night before. I didn’t even really know any of the songs that were playing on his radio, My hair and body had a greasy residue because I hadn’t taken a shower for over 24 hours, and the windows were down with freezing air blowing straight into my face. The only thing that was enjoyable about that day, was that the sun was shining amazingly bright, but I wasn’t even in a condition to thoroughly enjoy it. Yet for some reason I felt like the moon, and stars aligned, (or maybe just robs car and the sun). Everything made sense to me. Note: I wasn’t on drugs, nor had I did any, (that count) the night before.
The night before was okay. Not spectacular, but certainly not unpleasant. It was nice to see people I knew, and kind of just let my cares float away with every few gulps of my labatt blue 40 oz. Like I said before, I danced a lot that night. It’s usually a sign that I’m pretty careless, because I’m too much of a scaredy cat to have an impromptu dance party when I’m sober. I let my mind wander while balancing the giant glass battle in my hand and spinning around aimlessly to whatever song that was blaring through the speakers. I was dancing like someone would dance to their favorite song, to EVERY song, and i didn't even know any of the music that was playing. I thought about Jack, (my pseudo-boyfriend) and Phil, (my ex-crush). Boys generally occupy my mind more than they should, and i realize this even more when i'm recollecting past events such as this one.
I call Jack my "pseudo-boyfriend" because we do absolutely nothing that truly constitutes a "relationship", besides the unmentionable. We are more "friends with benefits" than anything else, (as much as i hate to use that term). The last time I saw Jack was when I dropped him off at the airport the day before, (for spring break) and "we"/he came to the conclusion that we would stay "together" over break regardless of his “confusion” of whether or not he was ready to be in a "relationship". The funny thing about that whole situation is that when we first became "official", I was reluctant about the whole thing. Somewhere along the line I let my guard down and realized I may like him more than I ever thought I would. Basically as soon as I came to that realization, Jack started realizing that he was “confused”. At certain points he was pushing so hard that I was beginning to worry that he might be falling for me, and how guilty I would feel if I didn’t end up feeling the same about him. After all, he is only 18, and never been in love.
Around Midnight I received a text from Jack.
Jack: “Hey”
Me: “Hello”
Jack: “U still like me?”
Me: “Unfortunately :)”
Jack: “I like U 2”
I’m not going to lie, that left me with a pretty agreeable feeling for a little while, until I began to think way too much into it, (or looking back, i finally BEGAN thinking) and realized that he is always confessing his adoration for me, but has never showed me anything to back up his claim.
At some point in time Travis and all of the Corning kids showed up, (people that I actually met through Phil, my “ex-crush”).
2 months, (OR many alcoholic beverages and dance parties), later, (isn't that how most college students measure time these days?) things make far less sense than that surreal afternoon when i was riding back from Buffalo in Rob's car. I hate the fact that, the feeling that those "epiphanies" leave you with, only last for 15 minutes TOPS. Then everything is just as confusing as it was before. I will be honest and say i don't know whether i am coming or going.