HP - If You Only Knew
Title: If You Only Knew
Rating: Teen
Characters: Remus, Sirius
Genre: Angst
Warnings: None
Word Count: 632
Summary: "It is 4:03 in the morning and Remus can’t sleep."
Author's Note: Inspired by the song If You Only Knew by Shinedown. {lyrics}
If You Only Knew
It is 4:03 in the morning and Remus can’t sleep. There is an emptiness to the room that has nothing to do with the chill air and the lack of furniture and everything to do with the space on the other side of the bed that is filled with empty air, an almost tangible not-presence. He feels pressed and stretched, and he keeps turning over to stare across the suddenly vast expanse of the bed as if by staring hard enough he can fill the space with the person who should be there.
He hates it when Sirius is out on missions for the Order, hates not knowing when he’ll be back; if he’ll be back. He hates that there’s nothing he could do to stop him, because Sirius isn’t the kind of person to live quietly in hiding while other people risk their lives for him. Remus knows that Sirius is, perhaps for the first time in his life, wholly devoted to something, to this cause, to the Order, and not even Remus is enough to keep him from the action.
Remus knows that in some part, he’s the reason Sirius fights so hard. Sirius is fighting to protect the things he loves, which is why Remus can’t fault him for his willingness to throw himself into the battles. Remus would do anything for any of his friends, but he would protect Sirius with his life if need be, because there is only one Sirius Black, and Remus loves him desperately.
The clock on the bedside table tells him that he’s been tossing and turning for three hours, and Remus is finally contemplating getting out of bed, because clearly he isn’t going to sleep tonight, when he hears the click of the front lock and the whoosh of the protective spells rolling back for just a moment as Sirius slips into their flat. Remus is standing at the doorway before he even realises he’s gotten up. Sirius has his back to him, locking and re-spelling the door to ward of the growing dark outside their little hideaway.
When Sirius turns, Remus fights to breathe. Sirius looks tired and haggard, and he sags against himself as though the air around him is the only thing holding him up. Remus takes two steps forward but Sirius is faster, and suddenly his arms are wrapped around Remus and his face is pressed against Remus’s shoulder. Remus holds him tight and closes his eyes, breathing in the smell of smoke and spellwork and the dog-like smell that is Sirius.
Remus doesn’t remember steering Sirius to the bed, pulling off his sweat-soaked shirt and pushing him gently back down. Sirius is asleep nearly as soon as his head hits the pillows, but Remus stands and watches him for a few minutes more as though to ward off the night and keep their demons away for a while.
Remus finally climbs into bed beside Sirius, curling as close to him as he can and draping one arm over him like a shield. Sirius sighs and rolls closer, his head on Remus’s chest and one hand splayed across his stomach, and Remus wraps his arms tighter around him. Remus’s eyes begin to close, lulled by Sirius’s familiar warm weight and his steady breathing.
Remus hates this war, the battles and pain, and waking every morning and wondering which of his friends has died in the night. He hates that he so often feels so useless, and that he so often is literally sick with worry for Sirius, for James, for his parents, for everyone that he knows. But he knows that there is nothing he can do. So he clings to Sirius at night and knows that as long as they’re together, they’ll live to see the morning.
Rating: Teen
Characters: Remus, Sirius
Genre: Angst
Warnings: None
Word Count: 632
Summary: "It is 4:03 in the morning and Remus can’t sleep."
Author's Note: Inspired by the song If You Only Knew by Shinedown. {lyrics}
If You Only Knew
It is 4:03 in the morning and Remus can’t sleep. There is an emptiness to the room that has nothing to do with the chill air and the lack of furniture and everything to do with the space on the other side of the bed that is filled with empty air, an almost tangible not-presence. He feels pressed and stretched, and he keeps turning over to stare across the suddenly vast expanse of the bed as if by staring hard enough he can fill the space with the person who should be there.
He hates it when Sirius is out on missions for the Order, hates not knowing when he’ll be back; if he’ll be back. He hates that there’s nothing he could do to stop him, because Sirius isn’t the kind of person to live quietly in hiding while other people risk their lives for him. Remus knows that Sirius is, perhaps for the first time in his life, wholly devoted to something, to this cause, to the Order, and not even Remus is enough to keep him from the action.
Remus knows that in some part, he’s the reason Sirius fights so hard. Sirius is fighting to protect the things he loves, which is why Remus can’t fault him for his willingness to throw himself into the battles. Remus would do anything for any of his friends, but he would protect Sirius with his life if need be, because there is only one Sirius Black, and Remus loves him desperately.
The clock on the bedside table tells him that he’s been tossing and turning for three hours, and Remus is finally contemplating getting out of bed, because clearly he isn’t going to sleep tonight, when he hears the click of the front lock and the whoosh of the protective spells rolling back for just a moment as Sirius slips into their flat. Remus is standing at the doorway before he even realises he’s gotten up. Sirius has his back to him, locking and re-spelling the door to ward of the growing dark outside their little hideaway.
When Sirius turns, Remus fights to breathe. Sirius looks tired and haggard, and he sags against himself as though the air around him is the only thing holding him up. Remus takes two steps forward but Sirius is faster, and suddenly his arms are wrapped around Remus and his face is pressed against Remus’s shoulder. Remus holds him tight and closes his eyes, breathing in the smell of smoke and spellwork and the dog-like smell that is Sirius.
Remus doesn’t remember steering Sirius to the bed, pulling off his sweat-soaked shirt and pushing him gently back down. Sirius is asleep nearly as soon as his head hits the pillows, but Remus stands and watches him for a few minutes more as though to ward off the night and keep their demons away for a while.
Remus finally climbs into bed beside Sirius, curling as close to him as he can and draping one arm over him like a shield. Sirius sighs and rolls closer, his head on Remus’s chest and one hand splayed across his stomach, and Remus wraps his arms tighter around him. Remus’s eyes begin to close, lulled by Sirius’s familiar warm weight and his steady breathing.
Remus hates this war, the battles and pain, and waking every morning and wondering which of his friends has died in the night. He hates that he so often feels so useless, and that he so often is literally sick with worry for Sirius, for James, for his parents, for everyone that he knows. But he knows that there is nothing he can do. So he clings to Sirius at night and knows that as long as they’re together, they’ll live to see the morning.