{Lost} Laws of Nature
Title: Laws of Nature
Rating: all ages
Characters: Kate Austen, mentions of others
Warnings: Spoilers through 5.11 What Happened, Happened
Word Count: 1198
Summary: The first time she settled down, she ran away to protect him. The second time she settled down she stayed put to care for him. The third time she settled down, she ran away to save them both.
Author's Note: For patsy_challenge's 33. A Church, A Courtroom, and Then Goodbye and chem15try's 7. Law of conservation of energy. ( prompt tables)
Laws of Nature
i. objects in motion will stay in motion
The waffles on Fridays mornings are what really do her in. Kate doesn't do waffles any more than she does taco night. Monica plans meals for the week and cooks waffles for her husband before he goes off to work.
But Monica has existed for less than a year and the world still hasn't forgotten about Kate.
Kate (Monica) sits in her bathroom and stares at those little blue lines, feeling relief scrabbling in her throat like shards of glass before dying on her lips in tears, and she wonders why she isn't more happy. She knows nothing about being a mother, doesn't know what she would do, tied down by blood and not just this little band of metal on her finger. It burns like (the house she torched) fury every time she thinks of leaving, and she's started imagining scorch marks across her fingers.
Kevin is sweet and loving and devoted to her, and she loves him for this, because sweet and loving are not things she's learned to expect from people. But he is also perfectly convinced by her lies, and she hates him a little for that, for believing in her goodness and her honesty and the carefully-constructed antithesis of the person she's come to realise she really is.
So when she finds herself crushing sleeping pills into his drink, finds herself crying and spilling the tale to him as he slouches against the floor, telling him her crimes before he passes out, she feels it's about time. Kate doesn't do happily ever after. She doesn't do taco night or waffles on Fridays. She doesn't do "How was your day, honey?"
When she leaves, she takes one bag filled with clothes and toiletries and packs the rest into boxes. She leaves her ring behind, resting on the wedding dress she's left spread on the bed with Kevin's mother's locket. And with it she leaves a picture from their wedding, to remind him that it wasn't his fault, because he had been happy.
ii. until acted on by an outside force
Duncan is a good lawyer, and Kate things he might even care a bit about what happens to her. Part of his offer to represent her came from the fame and prestige of her association, but there is something in the patient way he sits with her and goes over all their options that makes her think that maybe he really is trying to do what's best for her.
The lawyers were generous, giving her two months to recover from her "trauma" before sending the summons to court, and while Kate is grateful for the time because it means she's been able to set up house and arrange to care for Aaron, part of her wishes they had hauled her before a judge the moments she stepped off the plane. Kate has never done well with waiting and if it weren't for the blond-haired boy sleeping down the hall every night, she might have been tempted to pack a bag and give in to the itching in her bones telling her to run.
The trial lasts forever, and the prosecution doesn't give a damn about what she's been through or that she has a small child back at home whose mere presence changes everything. She's spent her life dreading this moment, having to stand up and explain herself; she never thought she'd stand a chance, and when Duncan tells her it's not going well at first, she is unsurprised.
Then he whispers to her not to fire him, and she feels her breath catch like sand in her throat as he calls Jack Shephard to the stand. Jack, who she has barely spoken to since they all parted ways. Jack, who lead them all from trouble into trouble and lead them out again. Jack, who told her he loved her, who is spinning his elaborate lie to paint her as a hero. Jack, who says he doesn't love her anymore.
Later, when the prosecution offers her a deal, Kate grasps for it with both hands. She tells the truth for once: she does have a son now; she isn't going anywhere. She doesn't say that she hasn't run since she got to the Island; they don't know about it, and anyway she doubts they would understand.
She signs the papers that the prosecution gives her and takes a taxi home, Jack's reassurance and refusal still ringing in her ears. She drops her bag near the door and goes upstairs and holds her son and feels the tears sliding down her face.
The Island kept her from running, and Aaron is the last bit of that life she has left. It is enough to tie her down, and she finds she doesn't mind so much.
iii. these are the laws of the nature of things
It is Cassidy who really makes the decision for her, although Kate will never tell her that.
"You needed him," she tell Kate. "Sawyer broke your heart. How else were you supposed to fix it?"
Kate wants to deny it, but she's spent long enough trying not to lie to herself that she can't bring herself to object. She could have given Aaron up, could have given him to a family that would care for him and love him and keep him safe. She could have given him back to his family, back to the grandmother who'd already lost her daughter. But she told herself she'd already lost too much, and so had he. He'd lost his mother, his surrogate father. She'd lost her friends, a man she loved. They'd both lost their family. And so she told herself that they needed each other.
In the other room, Aaron plays with Clementine, who adores her "cousin" and takes care to make him smile, her dimples deepening and her eyes lighting up when she succeeds. She looks just like her father then, and Kate remembers the way his voice turned rough and hurt when he told her to find his daughter.
Clementine will never know her father, but at least she has her mother. Aaron will never know his father, either. For three years Kate has tried to be his mother, but these days she finds herself wondering if Aaron will ever remember Claire, hoping that some day he will ask about the vague memory of a woman with blue eyes and blonde hair.
Cassidy is watching her now, sympathy and concern chasing themselves across her face, and Kate realises she has made up her mind.
She came here to make sure that a little girl would know that her father still cared, even though he was gone. She will leave to bring a little boy his mother back, because she is done fixing herself by fitting into the spaces left by absent parents.
Today she will say goodbye to her friend's daughter, the one who looks so much like the man they both love. And tomorrow she will give Aaron back to his family, and she will do everything she can to give him the mother he should always have had.
end.
Rating: all ages
Characters: Kate Austen, mentions of others
Warnings: Spoilers through 5.11 What Happened, Happened
Word Count: 1198
Summary: The first time she settled down, she ran away to protect him. The second time she settled down she stayed put to care for him. The third time she settled down, she ran away to save them both.
Author's Note: For patsy_challenge's 33. A Church, A Courtroom, and Then Goodbye and chem15try's 7. Law of conservation of energy. ( prompt tables)
Laws of Nature
i. objects in motion will stay in motion
The waffles on Fridays mornings are what really do her in. Kate doesn't do waffles any more than she does taco night. Monica plans meals for the week and cooks waffles for her husband before he goes off to work.
But Monica has existed for less than a year and the world still hasn't forgotten about Kate.
Kate (Monica) sits in her bathroom and stares at those little blue lines, feeling relief scrabbling in her throat like shards of glass before dying on her lips in tears, and she wonders why she isn't more happy. She knows nothing about being a mother, doesn't know what she would do, tied down by blood and not just this little band of metal on her finger. It burns like (the house she torched) fury every time she thinks of leaving, and she's started imagining scorch marks across her fingers.
Kevin is sweet and loving and devoted to her, and she loves him for this, because sweet and loving are not things she's learned to expect from people. But he is also perfectly convinced by her lies, and she hates him a little for that, for believing in her goodness and her honesty and the carefully-constructed antithesis of the person she's come to realise she really is.
So when she finds herself crushing sleeping pills into his drink, finds herself crying and spilling the tale to him as he slouches against the floor, telling him her crimes before he passes out, she feels it's about time. Kate doesn't do happily ever after. She doesn't do taco night or waffles on Fridays. She doesn't do "How was your day, honey?"
When she leaves, she takes one bag filled with clothes and toiletries and packs the rest into boxes. She leaves her ring behind, resting on the wedding dress she's left spread on the bed with Kevin's mother's locket. And with it she leaves a picture from their wedding, to remind him that it wasn't his fault, because he had been happy.
ii. until acted on by an outside force
Duncan is a good lawyer, and Kate things he might even care a bit about what happens to her. Part of his offer to represent her came from the fame and prestige of her association, but there is something in the patient way he sits with her and goes over all their options that makes her think that maybe he really is trying to do what's best for her.
The lawyers were generous, giving her two months to recover from her "trauma" before sending the summons to court, and while Kate is grateful for the time because it means she's been able to set up house and arrange to care for Aaron, part of her wishes they had hauled her before a judge the moments she stepped off the plane. Kate has never done well with waiting and if it weren't for the blond-haired boy sleeping down the hall every night, she might have been tempted to pack a bag and give in to the itching in her bones telling her to run.
The trial lasts forever, and the prosecution doesn't give a damn about what she's been through or that she has a small child back at home whose mere presence changes everything. She's spent her life dreading this moment, having to stand up and explain herself; she never thought she'd stand a chance, and when Duncan tells her it's not going well at first, she is unsurprised.
Then he whispers to her not to fire him, and she feels her breath catch like sand in her throat as he calls Jack Shephard to the stand. Jack, who she has barely spoken to since they all parted ways. Jack, who lead them all from trouble into trouble and lead them out again. Jack, who told her he loved her, who is spinning his elaborate lie to paint her as a hero. Jack, who says he doesn't love her anymore.
Later, when the prosecution offers her a deal, Kate grasps for it with both hands. She tells the truth for once: she does have a son now; she isn't going anywhere. She doesn't say that she hasn't run since she got to the Island; they don't know about it, and anyway she doubts they would understand.
She signs the papers that the prosecution gives her and takes a taxi home, Jack's reassurance and refusal still ringing in her ears. She drops her bag near the door and goes upstairs and holds her son and feels the tears sliding down her face.
The Island kept her from running, and Aaron is the last bit of that life she has left. It is enough to tie her down, and she finds she doesn't mind so much.
iii. these are the laws of the nature of things
It is Cassidy who really makes the decision for her, although Kate will never tell her that.
"You needed him," she tell Kate. "Sawyer broke your heart. How else were you supposed to fix it?"
Kate wants to deny it, but she's spent long enough trying not to lie to herself that she can't bring herself to object. She could have given Aaron up, could have given him to a family that would care for him and love him and keep him safe. She could have given him back to his family, back to the grandmother who'd already lost her daughter. But she told herself she'd already lost too much, and so had he. He'd lost his mother, his surrogate father. She'd lost her friends, a man she loved. They'd both lost their family. And so she told herself that they needed each other.
In the other room, Aaron plays with Clementine, who adores her "cousin" and takes care to make him smile, her dimples deepening and her eyes lighting up when she succeeds. She looks just like her father then, and Kate remembers the way his voice turned rough and hurt when he told her to find his daughter.
Clementine will never know her father, but at least she has her mother. Aaron will never know his father, either. For three years Kate has tried to be his mother, but these days she finds herself wondering if Aaron will ever remember Claire, hoping that some day he will ask about the vague memory of a woman with blue eyes and blonde hair.
Cassidy is watching her now, sympathy and concern chasing themselves across her face, and Kate realises she has made up her mind.
She came here to make sure that a little girl would know that her father still cared, even though he was gone. She will leave to bring a little boy his mother back, because she is done fixing herself by fitting into the spaces left by absent parents.
Today she will say goodbye to her friend's daughter, the one who looks so much like the man they both love. And tomorrow she will give Aaron back to his family, and she will do everything she can to give him the mother he should always have had.
end.