Tomato Act: RE Extinction
Contains Spoilers. Not that there's much to spoil.
Without a doubt, RE Extinction has taken the trophy for worst movie I have seen this yeah.
And that's pretty tough, considering that I have also seen the Bratz Movie.
The reason Bratz Movie is a step above Extinction is simple; Bratz has a plot. It is thin, see-through and highly unrealistic, but it is still there. Characterisation is minimal - but if you squint, you can see it. I hated that movie.
Extinction, on the other hand, had me itching to leave the cinema early. The second when the credits started rolling was like a breath of air to a drowning man. I have never been so bored or appalled, not even by the speeches politicians give at election time. It was awful.
Firstly, the 'plot', or what pretends to be one.
At the beginning, a sense of deja vu, as pre-virus Alice wakes up in an eerie mansion. She wanders around, goes into the electric lazer hallway (first RE movie fame), escapes that by climbing into the ducting, finds herself in an abandoned hospital, avoids a trap, and then gets shot by a levitating gun that arises from the middle of the Umbrella logo. A group of Umbrella scientists are watching. One seems pleased. They take the body and dump in a pit, with a lot of other Alice's. This pit is in the middle of a wired-off area that appears to be an abandoned farm or station of some sort. Outside the wired area are a ton of zombies.
- Pro: nostalgia. I kind of liked the back-to-the-beginning start.
- Con: Several. Leaving my dislike of Alice out of it, let's look at the complete unrealism. How expensive would it be to make a full human clone? Honestly. Umbrella may be rich, but they're not Midas. So why make dozens of clones and then kill them all? What is the point in that? Also, assuming Umbrella has enough money to make and slaughter all these clones, why haven't they put some money into security, and put something a little more solid in place of a chicken-wire fence? Honestly. What the hell, you'd think they'd have learned from the outbreak in Raccoon City. For super intelligent scientists, Umbrella is apparently filled with complete knuckle heads.
- Technicalities: You cannot fit through the ducting. My boyfriend is the one of the guys who put those in. You can't get around corners, for a start, because they put metal divisions in to make a channel for the air. They are also, apparently, also filled with nails and screws jutting in from the outside, among other things. As for the clones, some of them are obviously mannequins. Embarrassing.
Next scene. We find out 5 years have passed since Raccoon City. Alice, who was discovered a fetish for Indiana-Jones clothing, responds to a distress call only to find it is an ambush. A family drops her in a pit and sets zombie dogs on her, enjoying the show. Obviously Alice survives, but the family doesn't.
- Pro: The part were Alice first comes across the old lady is suitably creepy.
I had originally thought it might be a Lord-of-the-Flies type commentary on what happens in extreme situations.
- Cons: However, this theme never resurfaced, the incident was never mentioned, and it served merely to introduce Alice as Teh Awesomo Butt-Kicker Extraordinaire.
We meet Claire Redfield and follow her convoy around. Reappearing are Carlos Olivera and LJ. They talk about their need for cigarettes. They go to a hotel. The boys go in and LJ gets bitten (he will die about an hour later, despite the fact that other characters will get bitten and die within 4 minutes). Claire is leader, she gets everyone settled in for the night and bosses people about often.
- Pro: ..... uh... Claire has red hair?
- Con: According the timeline, Claire should be 24, but she is played by Ali Larter, who looks (no offense to her) late twenties. She has the personality of a soggy sandwich, as do the rest of her crew.
Claire's convey is attacked by crows, and many people die as a bus they are travelling in gets stuck. Alice comes just as Carlos is about to be killed and saves the day by telekinetically setting all the birds on fire.
- Pro: I hated the zombie crows, so it was good to see them get some props. Claire and the other's are leery of Alice's powers instead of immediately orgasmic over her (though that comes about 30 seconds later).
- Con: Skipping over telekinesis, the deaths are given no emotion other than to point out Claire's feelings of poor leadership. Once again Alice is all that is precious and good.
Alice tells them they must all go to Alaska because the diary of a survivor told her it was uninfected. Claire is against it by majority wins. They talk about how to get there, now that all the truckstops are empty of fuel and food. Claire tells them to go to Las Vegas. They do.
- Pro:.....
- Con: everything about this part is woeful. Words cannot express it.
In Las Vegas, the sand has mysteriously eaten the entire city except for about ten buildings. A shipping crate is placed suspiciously in the middle of the street. A lot of reinforced zombies (like crimsonheads, except with Alice blood in them) wreck havoc and kill most of the rest of Claire's convoy. Umbrella scientists (who have been popping up throughout the movie intermittently to wax lyrical about how Alice is the future) attempt to control her via satellite. It doesn't work, and why they think it should is never gone in to. Eventually Alice saves the day and kills all the baddies except the bad head doctor, who Vickers off in a chopper. Alice decides they will go to Alaska in the chopper.
- Pro: lots of gore and action - and not all from Alice the Victorious. Claire manages to kick some ass (and shoot some undead friends that change immediately. LJ finally turns as well)
- Con: Carlos and Alice share yet another special moment.
Carlos is infected so he gets in a petrol tanker and drives into the crowd of zombies around the chicken wire fence that surrounds the highly secret base. He blows himself up as a zombie diversion. The others drive through the chicken wire fence. Claire and her survivors get into the chopper and take off for glory. Alice goes into the secret base.
- Pro: .....
- Con: Another Carlos-Alice moment.
How did they know where the highly secret base was?
Again, chicken-wire fence security should have been better.
Claire and her friends left without any ceremony and are never seen again. Pretty poor conclusion to the Alaska story arc.
Alice goes into the secret base, which requires no passcodes, and finds out Bad Head Doctor was bitten in their fight in Vegas and has mutated into an infected William Birkin. The AI of this base lets Alice into the lower levels so she can kick Neo Birkin's ass. The AI also tells Alice that her blood could be the cure to the T Virus which is why Umbrella was after her. Alice comes across a clone of her, which is accidentally awoken prematurely and, apparently dies. Alice covers Neo-Alice with her cloak and goes to fight Neo Birkin in a surprisingly evenly matched attack. They get into the laser corridor. The lasers kill Neo Bikin but Neo Alice, who was not dead after all, turns them off before they can kill Original Alice.
- Pro: The fight between Alice and Bad Head Doctor was pretty good, in that she could not magically kill him with her superior powers.
- Cons: More naked Alice shots (to some this may be a pro)
More mention of how special Alice is, despite the fact that she has not been very useful in stopping the Apocalypse thus far.
The AI shows as a hologram that apparently requires no electrical involvement and has a personality (maybe AI has improved in 5 years, - so that's what Umbrella was doing instead of finding a cure and getting better security fences!)
Wesker and his associates are meeting in Japan. Alice shows up holographically and tells them the fight is on, and she'll bring friends. Alice and Neo Alice look over a farm of hundreds of naked, waking-up Alice clones. The credits roll.
- Pro: Wesker has blond hair and glasses.
- Con: The ending makes no sense whatsoever, and again holographs are synonymous with magic.
Overall
Pro: contain Claire and Wesker
Con: contain Alice
Claire
Pro: she has red hair and hates Umbrella. She does not come across as very keen of Alice.
Con: she is not there as a solo character enough to develop a personality other than someone with responsibility in hard times who needs a smoke. Does Claire even smoke? Also, as previously mentioned, she seems way to old.
Wesker
Pro: has blond hair, works for Umbrella, wears glasses. Just wants to find a cure to the virus and end the Apocalypse - harbours little interest in Project Awesome - er, Alice.
Con: sounds almost Southern to my untrained American-accent ear. Looks like Wesker the way any guy with blond hair and glasses looks like Wesker (vis a vie, very little). Seems to know nothing about T Virus despite being one of its developers. Has his authority undermined by Bad Head Doctor. Does not speak very Wesker-y except that he gives orders.
JUDGEMENT: Get this one down to the stocks, and raid your garden for rotten food.
Without a doubt, RE Extinction has taken the trophy for worst movie I have seen this yeah.
And that's pretty tough, considering that I have also seen the Bratz Movie.
The reason Bratz Movie is a step above Extinction is simple; Bratz has a plot. It is thin, see-through and highly unrealistic, but it is still there. Characterisation is minimal - but if you squint, you can see it. I hated that movie.
Extinction, on the other hand, had me itching to leave the cinema early. The second when the credits started rolling was like a breath of air to a drowning man. I have never been so bored or appalled, not even by the speeches politicians give at election time. It was awful.
Firstly, the 'plot', or what pretends to be one.
At the beginning, a sense of deja vu, as pre-virus Alice wakes up in an eerie mansion. She wanders around, goes into the electric lazer hallway (first RE movie fame), escapes that by climbing into the ducting, finds herself in an abandoned hospital, avoids a trap, and then gets shot by a levitating gun that arises from the middle of the Umbrella logo. A group of Umbrella scientists are watching. One seems pleased. They take the body and dump in a pit, with a lot of other Alice's. This pit is in the middle of a wired-off area that appears to be an abandoned farm or station of some sort. Outside the wired area are a ton of zombies.
- Pro: nostalgia. I kind of liked the back-to-the-beginning start.
- Con: Several. Leaving my dislike of Alice out of it, let's look at the complete unrealism. How expensive would it be to make a full human clone? Honestly. Umbrella may be rich, but they're not Midas. So why make dozens of clones and then kill them all? What is the point in that? Also, assuming Umbrella has enough money to make and slaughter all these clones, why haven't they put some money into security, and put something a little more solid in place of a chicken-wire fence? Honestly. What the hell, you'd think they'd have learned from the outbreak in Raccoon City. For super intelligent scientists, Umbrella is apparently filled with complete knuckle heads.
- Technicalities: You cannot fit through the ducting. My boyfriend is the one of the guys who put those in. You can't get around corners, for a start, because they put metal divisions in to make a channel for the air. They are also, apparently, also filled with nails and screws jutting in from the outside, among other things. As for the clones, some of them are obviously mannequins. Embarrassing.
Next scene. We find out 5 years have passed since Raccoon City. Alice, who was discovered a fetish for Indiana-Jones clothing, responds to a distress call only to find it is an ambush. A family drops her in a pit and sets zombie dogs on her, enjoying the show. Obviously Alice survives, but the family doesn't.
- Pro: The part were Alice first comes across the old lady is suitably creepy.
I had originally thought it might be a Lord-of-the-Flies type commentary on what happens in extreme situations.
- Cons: However, this theme never resurfaced, the incident was never mentioned, and it served merely to introduce Alice as Teh Awesomo Butt-Kicker Extraordinaire.
We meet Claire Redfield and follow her convoy around. Reappearing are Carlos Olivera and LJ. They talk about their need for cigarettes. They go to a hotel. The boys go in and LJ gets bitten (he will die about an hour later, despite the fact that other characters will get bitten and die within 4 minutes). Claire is leader, she gets everyone settled in for the night and bosses people about often.
- Pro: ..... uh... Claire has red hair?
- Con: According the timeline, Claire should be 24, but she is played by Ali Larter, who looks (no offense to her) late twenties. She has the personality of a soggy sandwich, as do the rest of her crew.
Claire's convey is attacked by crows, and many people die as a bus they are travelling in gets stuck. Alice comes just as Carlos is about to be killed and saves the day by telekinetically setting all the birds on fire.
- Pro: I hated the zombie crows, so it was good to see them get some props. Claire and the other's are leery of Alice's powers instead of immediately orgasmic over her (though that comes about 30 seconds later).
- Con: Skipping over telekinesis, the deaths are given no emotion other than to point out Claire's feelings of poor leadership. Once again Alice is all that is precious and good.
Alice tells them they must all go to Alaska because the diary of a survivor told her it was uninfected. Claire is against it by majority wins. They talk about how to get there, now that all the truckstops are empty of fuel and food. Claire tells them to go to Las Vegas. They do.
- Pro:.....
- Con: everything about this part is woeful. Words cannot express it.
In Las Vegas, the sand has mysteriously eaten the entire city except for about ten buildings. A shipping crate is placed suspiciously in the middle of the street. A lot of reinforced zombies (like crimsonheads, except with Alice blood in them) wreck havoc and kill most of the rest of Claire's convoy. Umbrella scientists (who have been popping up throughout the movie intermittently to wax lyrical about how Alice is the future) attempt to control her via satellite. It doesn't work, and why they think it should is never gone in to. Eventually Alice saves the day and kills all the baddies except the bad head doctor, who Vickers off in a chopper. Alice decides they will go to Alaska in the chopper.
- Pro: lots of gore and action - and not all from Alice the Victorious. Claire manages to kick some ass (and shoot some undead friends that change immediately. LJ finally turns as well)
- Con: Carlos and Alice share yet another special moment.
Carlos is infected so he gets in a petrol tanker and drives into the crowd of zombies around the chicken wire fence that surrounds the highly secret base. He blows himself up as a zombie diversion. The others drive through the chicken wire fence. Claire and her survivors get into the chopper and take off for glory. Alice goes into the secret base.
- Pro: .....
- Con: Another Carlos-Alice moment.
How did they know where the highly secret base was?
Again, chicken-wire fence security should have been better.
Claire and her friends left without any ceremony and are never seen again. Pretty poor conclusion to the Alaska story arc.
Alice goes into the secret base, which requires no passcodes, and finds out Bad Head Doctor was bitten in their fight in Vegas and has mutated into an infected William Birkin. The AI of this base lets Alice into the lower levels so she can kick Neo Birkin's ass. The AI also tells Alice that her blood could be the cure to the T Virus which is why Umbrella was after her. Alice comes across a clone of her, which is accidentally awoken prematurely and, apparently dies. Alice covers Neo-Alice with her cloak and goes to fight Neo Birkin in a surprisingly evenly matched attack. They get into the laser corridor. The lasers kill Neo Bikin but Neo Alice, who was not dead after all, turns them off before they can kill Original Alice.
- Pro: The fight between Alice and Bad Head Doctor was pretty good, in that she could not magically kill him with her superior powers.
- Cons: More naked Alice shots (to some this may be a pro)
More mention of how special Alice is, despite the fact that she has not been very useful in stopping the Apocalypse thus far.
The AI shows as a hologram that apparently requires no electrical involvement and has a personality (maybe AI has improved in 5 years, - so that's what Umbrella was doing instead of finding a cure and getting better security fences!)
Wesker and his associates are meeting in Japan. Alice shows up holographically and tells them the fight is on, and she'll bring friends. Alice and Neo Alice look over a farm of hundreds of naked, waking-up Alice clones. The credits roll.
- Pro: Wesker has blond hair and glasses.
- Con: The ending makes no sense whatsoever, and again holographs are synonymous with magic.
Overall
Pro: contain Claire and Wesker
Con: contain Alice
Claire
Pro: she has red hair and hates Umbrella. She does not come across as very keen of Alice.
Con: she is not there as a solo character enough to develop a personality other than someone with responsibility in hard times who needs a smoke. Does Claire even smoke? Also, as previously mentioned, she seems way to old.
Wesker
Pro: has blond hair, works for Umbrella, wears glasses. Just wants to find a cure to the virus and end the Apocalypse - harbours little interest in Project Awesome - er, Alice.
Con: sounds almost Southern to my untrained American-accent ear. Looks like Wesker the way any guy with blond hair and glasses looks like Wesker (vis a vie, very little). Seems to know nothing about T Virus despite being one of its developers. Has his authority undermined by Bad Head Doctor. Does not speak very Wesker-y except that he gives orders.
JUDGEMENT: Get this one down to the stocks, and raid your garden for rotten food.