Happy Holidays, halftone!
To: halftone
From: kthxrawr
Title: trying to draw infinity
Characters: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie
Word Count: ~1800
Warnings: girl!Brendon
Disclaimer: totally not real.
Summary: It doesn’t matter if the band makes it or not, he’s keeping her.
Notes: thanks to A reading this over and putting up with my ramblings, despite not being into bandslash at all. Title from Say Anything - The Church Channel.
trying to draw infinity
When Brent brings up the idea of a girl in the band, Ryan shoots it down. He shoots it down the first, second and third times, and every other time he brings it up.
‘We’re fine as we are,’ he says, rolling his eyes. ‘No matter how much of an awesome guitar player she is.’
Bren is the last thing he expects. She’s kind of sweet and dorky, with a shy smile. And Brent was right. She’s an awesome guitar player.
And, as they find out when Ryan is sick and isn’t quite as loud as normal, she can sing.
When Spencer says they should ask her to join, Ryan doesn’t say no.
-
When he comes to pick Bren up for practice, one of her brothers lets him in and tells him she’s playing the piano, that she’ll be finished soon.
He stands in the doorway and watches her. Apart from her fingers dancing over the keys, she holds herself fairly still. Bren’s always said how she’s pretty good with most instruments, but up until this point, he’d always disregarded it as fake bravado, just a girl with something to prove. She’s good. She’s really, really good.
At this point, Ryan realises he’s never letting her go. It doesn’t matter if the band makes it or not, he’s keeping her.
He shifts a little, clears his throat, and she jumps and looks up. ‘Sorry, were you waiting long?’
He can’t find the words to say that it doesn’t matter.
That’s the last time Ryan goes inside Bren’s house. Every other time he comes to pick her up before practice, she’s sitting on the kerb waiting for him.
-
Bren calls one day and asks for Ryan to come pick her up. Her voice shakes a little as she gives an address a few blocks from her house, and Ryan breaks the speed limit coming to get her.
When he pulls up, she’s sitting on the sidewalk with a couple of bags next to her. ‘Hey,’ she says softly, as he comes to sit next to her. Ryan lets her rest her head on his shoulder, waiting until she’s ready to talk. ‘My parents wanted me to quit the band. Said I’m growing away from what they want me to be. Said I should be concentrating more on my religion instead, on getting into a college they approve of. They don’t like the idea of me giving it all up to tour in a van with three boys.’
‘We agreed I should leave,’ she says eventually, and laughs softly. Her eyes are red, but her eyeliner is still intact. And Ryan feels a strange rush of pride - this girl, this pretty, broken girl, is something that he’s created. She’s wearing the clothes he helped her pick out, her haircut is the one he told her would look nice. She sings his words for him.
‘Come on,’ he says softly. ‘Come back to mine. I can sleep on the floor for a night.’
He doesn’t sleep on the floor. That night is the first night they sleep together.
-
They’re sitting in Bren’s shitty one room apartment after practice one day. It’s just the three of them - Brent had rushed off as soon as they’d finished, saying his parents needed him back home. Bren is washing her hair in the sink - the shower is broken again, she says, and though her hair is quite short, it still gets dirty quick - and Ryan and Spencer are sitting on her bed.
‘What’s she like?’ Spencer whispers. Ryan’s never actually told Spencer, but Spencer knows Ryan, knows the way he gets around a girl he likes. It’s the simple things that give him away - unguarded looks and smiles, not complaining when she hangs off him like a monkey, always being the one to drive her back after practice.
If Ryan’s honest with himself, it’s painfully obvious.
Even though this is familiar territory for them - they’ve spent many an hour bitching about their various exes - this time, Ryan doesn’t want to share. Bren is his. After a moment or two, Spencer begins to smile. ‘Fair enough, that’s good enough for me.’
‘I’m getting suspicious,’ Bren calls out from the bathroom. ‘You’ve gone all quiet.’
‘We’re just talking about you,’ Ryan calls back, and Spencer grins.
-
It’s hard while they’re recording - there’s simply no privacy. Bren gets her own room on account of her being a girl, but even so, there’s no time for stolen moments. They amuse each other by texting each other constantly, but that’s as far as it goes.
They tell each other it will be different when they start touring.
And then Ryan gets a girlfriend, and Bren gets Audrey, and nothing’s quite the same. He’s not exactly sure how it happens - one minute, he’s making promises to himself, the next he’s leaving jokingly flirtatious comments on her journal, and before he knows it, they’re meeting up and she’s kissing him hello. But since Bren seems not to care, Ryan goes along with it.
Audrey and Bren are never official - she’s afraid of what her parents would say, still scared a little of their disapproval. She seems happy enough with the way things are, joins in with teasing Ryan about Jac, even when things aren’t working out with Audrey. They’re not even together that long, but when Ryan asks if she’s okay, Bren just smiles at him and changes the subject.
But on more than a few occasions on that first tour, Ryan finds Bren with her head in Spencer’s lap, Spencer carefully stroking her hair. He’s inexplicably jealous. He tells himself Jac is enough, that he’s just missing her. He tells himself that Bren’s missing Audrey, not him.
When Jac and Ryan break up, it doesn’t take long for Bren and Ryan to fall back together. It’s a late night, and they’re leaning against a wall, getting a breath of fresh air. Bren’s eyes are wide with after-show adrenaline and caffeine, and she whispers, ‘I miss you, you know-’
And before Ryan realises what he’s doing, he’s holding her close, saying ‘Me too, me too.’ She’s shivering in his arms - although it’s not a cold night, there’s still a breeze - but neither of them move.
-
‘What it’s like being the only girl in the band? I mean, is there any friction or tension between you and any of the guys, any secret relationships?’
Bren blinks at the reporter and then smiles sweetly, as if she hasn’t been asked this a hundred times before. ‘Oh,’ she says, pulling a face of mock horror. ‘They’re like brothers to me. So no, never.’
-
That evening, after the show, Ryan holds Bren against the wall of a venue bathroom as he slowly pushes inside her. She’s gasping and sweaty, still in her stage costume, blunt fingernails scraping along his back.
He bites his way down her neck, leaving marks that he’ll only have to help cover up the next day.
-
Ryan vaguely knows that Brent likes Bren. It’s not something he generally thinks of though. Brent wouldn’t get them to let a girl join the band just because he was crushing on her. So he puts it out of his mind. He’s not even sure if Bren even knows.
He’s not really aware of how much it matters until the day Brent walks in on them in the dressing room.
The morning after, everyone carefully avoids the subject, but what’s seen can’t be unseen. The silence over the breakfast table is deafening - Bren won’t meet anyone’s eyes, Brent looks pissed off and Spencer just looks confused.
That’s when all the trouble starts. Brent starts skipping sound checks, turning up late, and before Ryan even realises it, it’s too late.
‘You’re letting a relationship break up our friendship?’ Brent asks angrily when they phone him, and Ryan is silent.
-
The fight with Brent almost breaks them up, even before they kick him out. Bren is guilty and miserable over it, since it’s only because of Brent that’s she’s in the band at all.
Jon Walker is a lifesaver. He seems to be the one who finds Bren most often when she’s upset and hiding from the others. He’ll return her to them an hour or two later, subdued but better than she’s been.
When they do make the call, Jon’s the first person they ask to fill in.
Jon gets on the plane.
-
Jon walks in on Bren on her knees in front of Ryan and simply blinks, before leaving them to it.
‘Like I’ve never walked in on anything like that before. Dude, I’ve been on tour,’ is all he says when Bren, flushing a deep red, asks him about it later.
After talking to Spencer, they ask him to join the band officially the next day. It’s not a deciding factor, but it helps.
-
They’re in a hotel that night, and Bren goes off early, saying she’s tired. After half an hour or so, Jon slips Ryan the key card for Bren’s room, and Ryan can’t quite conceal his grin.
He carefully slips into the room and into the bed. Bren mumbles at him sleepily to go away, but Ryan just laughs grins. ‘Wake up, sleeping beauty,’ he says, kissing her softly.
She scrunches her face up and scowls. ‘I’ll push you out of bed,’ she says, but they both know the threat is empty. He trails a finger down her neck, and she arches into his touch.
When Ryan begins to stroke her inner thighs, Bren doesn’t stop him. ‘You’re already wet,’ he whispers in her ear. ‘Dirty girl.’
She moans softly, and drags him down for a kiss. He smirks a little, and pets her hair softly. They kiss for a while, but eventually she begins to squirm. Ryan laughs, and slips the first finger inside.
Bren loves this, loves Ryan fingering her. She’s gasping, eyes wide and awake.
He wishes for a camera, to keep the look on her face, to keep this moment forever.
-
Jon and Spencer suggest the plan to go dateless to the VMAs. They explain it away by joking that they couldn’t find anyone to go with, by saying that the night was about the band. Ryan holds Bren’s hand underneath the table.
On New Year’s Eve, Ryan causes a slight scandal by taking Bren as his date. They’ve avoided the question in interviews so far. There’s a fair few photos than can be explained away as being incredibly comfortable friends, but they’re still interesting enough that reporters want to get the real scoop.
They’re encouraging the rumours, he knows. But Bren’s eyes are bright in the lights and her hand is cold in his, and it’s hard to care.
From: kthxrawr
Title: trying to draw infinity
Characters: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie
Word Count: ~1800
Warnings: girl!Brendon
Disclaimer: totally not real.
Summary: It doesn’t matter if the band makes it or not, he’s keeping her.
Notes: thanks to A reading this over and putting up with my ramblings, despite not being into bandslash at all. Title from Say Anything - The Church Channel.
trying to draw infinity
When Brent brings up the idea of a girl in the band, Ryan shoots it down. He shoots it down the first, second and third times, and every other time he brings it up.
‘We’re fine as we are,’ he says, rolling his eyes. ‘No matter how much of an awesome guitar player she is.’
Bren is the last thing he expects. She’s kind of sweet and dorky, with a shy smile. And Brent was right. She’s an awesome guitar player.
And, as they find out when Ryan is sick and isn’t quite as loud as normal, she can sing.
When Spencer says they should ask her to join, Ryan doesn’t say no.
-
When he comes to pick Bren up for practice, one of her brothers lets him in and tells him she’s playing the piano, that she’ll be finished soon.
He stands in the doorway and watches her. Apart from her fingers dancing over the keys, she holds herself fairly still. Bren’s always said how she’s pretty good with most instruments, but up until this point, he’d always disregarded it as fake bravado, just a girl with something to prove. She’s good. She’s really, really good.
At this point, Ryan realises he’s never letting her go. It doesn’t matter if the band makes it or not, he’s keeping her.
He shifts a little, clears his throat, and she jumps and looks up. ‘Sorry, were you waiting long?’
He can’t find the words to say that it doesn’t matter.
That’s the last time Ryan goes inside Bren’s house. Every other time he comes to pick her up before practice, she’s sitting on the kerb waiting for him.
-
Bren calls one day and asks for Ryan to come pick her up. Her voice shakes a little as she gives an address a few blocks from her house, and Ryan breaks the speed limit coming to get her.
When he pulls up, she’s sitting on the sidewalk with a couple of bags next to her. ‘Hey,’ she says softly, as he comes to sit next to her. Ryan lets her rest her head on his shoulder, waiting until she’s ready to talk. ‘My parents wanted me to quit the band. Said I’m growing away from what they want me to be. Said I should be concentrating more on my religion instead, on getting into a college they approve of. They don’t like the idea of me giving it all up to tour in a van with three boys.’
‘We agreed I should leave,’ she says eventually, and laughs softly. Her eyes are red, but her eyeliner is still intact. And Ryan feels a strange rush of pride - this girl, this pretty, broken girl, is something that he’s created. She’s wearing the clothes he helped her pick out, her haircut is the one he told her would look nice. She sings his words for him.
‘Come on,’ he says softly. ‘Come back to mine. I can sleep on the floor for a night.’
He doesn’t sleep on the floor. That night is the first night they sleep together.
-
They’re sitting in Bren’s shitty one room apartment after practice one day. It’s just the three of them - Brent had rushed off as soon as they’d finished, saying his parents needed him back home. Bren is washing her hair in the sink - the shower is broken again, she says, and though her hair is quite short, it still gets dirty quick - and Ryan and Spencer are sitting on her bed.
‘What’s she like?’ Spencer whispers. Ryan’s never actually told Spencer, but Spencer knows Ryan, knows the way he gets around a girl he likes. It’s the simple things that give him away - unguarded looks and smiles, not complaining when she hangs off him like a monkey, always being the one to drive her back after practice.
If Ryan’s honest with himself, it’s painfully obvious.
Even though this is familiar territory for them - they’ve spent many an hour bitching about their various exes - this time, Ryan doesn’t want to share. Bren is his. After a moment or two, Spencer begins to smile. ‘Fair enough, that’s good enough for me.’
‘I’m getting suspicious,’ Bren calls out from the bathroom. ‘You’ve gone all quiet.’
‘We’re just talking about you,’ Ryan calls back, and Spencer grins.
-
It’s hard while they’re recording - there’s simply no privacy. Bren gets her own room on account of her being a girl, but even so, there’s no time for stolen moments. They amuse each other by texting each other constantly, but that’s as far as it goes.
They tell each other it will be different when they start touring.
And then Ryan gets a girlfriend, and Bren gets Audrey, and nothing’s quite the same. He’s not exactly sure how it happens - one minute, he’s making promises to himself, the next he’s leaving jokingly flirtatious comments on her journal, and before he knows it, they’re meeting up and she’s kissing him hello. But since Bren seems not to care, Ryan goes along with it.
Audrey and Bren are never official - she’s afraid of what her parents would say, still scared a little of their disapproval. She seems happy enough with the way things are, joins in with teasing Ryan about Jac, even when things aren’t working out with Audrey. They’re not even together that long, but when Ryan asks if she’s okay, Bren just smiles at him and changes the subject.
But on more than a few occasions on that first tour, Ryan finds Bren with her head in Spencer’s lap, Spencer carefully stroking her hair. He’s inexplicably jealous. He tells himself Jac is enough, that he’s just missing her. He tells himself that Bren’s missing Audrey, not him.
When Jac and Ryan break up, it doesn’t take long for Bren and Ryan to fall back together. It’s a late night, and they’re leaning against a wall, getting a breath of fresh air. Bren’s eyes are wide with after-show adrenaline and caffeine, and she whispers, ‘I miss you, you know-’
And before Ryan realises what he’s doing, he’s holding her close, saying ‘Me too, me too.’ She’s shivering in his arms - although it’s not a cold night, there’s still a breeze - but neither of them move.
-
‘What it’s like being the only girl in the band? I mean, is there any friction or tension between you and any of the guys, any secret relationships?’
Bren blinks at the reporter and then smiles sweetly, as if she hasn’t been asked this a hundred times before. ‘Oh,’ she says, pulling a face of mock horror. ‘They’re like brothers to me. So no, never.’
-
That evening, after the show, Ryan holds Bren against the wall of a venue bathroom as he slowly pushes inside her. She’s gasping and sweaty, still in her stage costume, blunt fingernails scraping along his back.
He bites his way down her neck, leaving marks that he’ll only have to help cover up the next day.
-
Ryan vaguely knows that Brent likes Bren. It’s not something he generally thinks of though. Brent wouldn’t get them to let a girl join the band just because he was crushing on her. So he puts it out of his mind. He’s not even sure if Bren even knows.
He’s not really aware of how much it matters until the day Brent walks in on them in the dressing room.
The morning after, everyone carefully avoids the subject, but what’s seen can’t be unseen. The silence over the breakfast table is deafening - Bren won’t meet anyone’s eyes, Brent looks pissed off and Spencer just looks confused.
That’s when all the trouble starts. Brent starts skipping sound checks, turning up late, and before Ryan even realises it, it’s too late.
‘You’re letting a relationship break up our friendship?’ Brent asks angrily when they phone him, and Ryan is silent.
-
The fight with Brent almost breaks them up, even before they kick him out. Bren is guilty and miserable over it, since it’s only because of Brent that’s she’s in the band at all.
Jon Walker is a lifesaver. He seems to be the one who finds Bren most often when she’s upset and hiding from the others. He’ll return her to them an hour or two later, subdued but better than she’s been.
When they do make the call, Jon’s the first person they ask to fill in.
Jon gets on the plane.
-
Jon walks in on Bren on her knees in front of Ryan and simply blinks, before leaving them to it.
‘Like I’ve never walked in on anything like that before. Dude, I’ve been on tour,’ is all he says when Bren, flushing a deep red, asks him about it later.
After talking to Spencer, they ask him to join the band officially the next day. It’s not a deciding factor, but it helps.
-
They’re in a hotel that night, and Bren goes off early, saying she’s tired. After half an hour or so, Jon slips Ryan the key card for Bren’s room, and Ryan can’t quite conceal his grin.
He carefully slips into the room and into the bed. Bren mumbles at him sleepily to go away, but Ryan just laughs grins. ‘Wake up, sleeping beauty,’ he says, kissing her softly.
She scrunches her face up and scowls. ‘I’ll push you out of bed,’ she says, but they both know the threat is empty. He trails a finger down her neck, and she arches into his touch.
When Ryan begins to stroke her inner thighs, Bren doesn’t stop him. ‘You’re already wet,’ he whispers in her ear. ‘Dirty girl.’
She moans softly, and drags him down for a kiss. He smirks a little, and pets her hair softly. They kiss for a while, but eventually she begins to squirm. Ryan laughs, and slips the first finger inside.
Bren loves this, loves Ryan fingering her. She’s gasping, eyes wide and awake.
He wishes for a camera, to keep the look on her face, to keep this moment forever.
-
Jon and Spencer suggest the plan to go dateless to the VMAs. They explain it away by joking that they couldn’t find anyone to go with, by saying that the night was about the band. Ryan holds Bren’s hand underneath the table.
On New Year’s Eve, Ryan causes a slight scandal by taking Bren as his date. They’ve avoided the question in interviews so far. There’s a fair few photos than can be explained away as being incredibly comfortable friends, but they’re still interesting enough that reporters want to get the real scoop.
They’re encouraging the rumours, he knows. But Bren’s eyes are bright in the lights and her hand is cold in his, and it’s hard to care.