(no subject)
So it's been a year since I started at Walmart, which is two months shy of when I started my hormones. 1 more year and I will have run the estimated course of a second puberty. Part of me is elated at the changes that have happened thus far, the other part looks in the mirror in fear that this will never work the way that it should. Mostly that I won't pass, which is my one real goal, I'm afraid my life will be greatly hindered if I don't appear as a female, I'm not even truly concerened if I am a pretty one (though I'd like to be he he) as long as I don't get fucking stared at by the bitch behind the counter handing me a pack of cigerettes... or get called weird... I know I started the weird thing at work or atleast went along with it, it made it easier for them to deal but now I don't know if I can recover from it, it's become like my own little defense mechanism, pretend your crazy and they'll be able to digest it. Atleast a few are making a serious effort to treat me as a genetic girl, it's weird how when I am not treated like I am some sort of weirdo, I am able to relax and just be myself without the masks that I use to protect myself... nothing is more liberating, nothing brings me more joy than something as simple as hearing someone refer to me with female pronouns... well thats about all I have right now, I want to elaborate and say more but this much was difficult to right, I'm tired and i am buzing off to much coffee. My mind is all about the fuck you, go get my nicotine fix and pass the fuck out. Night night everyone