Another night's babblings.
I'm not sure what this is. This feeling. Anxiety? Perhaps. I'm feeling utterly unsocial. Example - Ebben sent me a text saying they were playing poker tonight. I sent text back to the effect of 'awesome'. Now I'm home from work and I don't feel like leaving. I don't feel like being around people. Yet.. I do. I scan the names in my cell phone. Log on to yahoo and then aim. But.. I don't call anyone or message anyone. I just sit here, with my beer, and remain unmotivated. This has been going on for some time now. It's just getting worse as the days pass. I mean Jesus.. I'm sitting here in a bathrobe, drinking beast light.. with no intentions of getting dressed or getting up other than to piss or grab another beer. I tell myself "Kelly.. you need to get out of the house", but.. It's like when I was quitting smoking. "I need to quit" over and over and then one day I finally do it.
I think I'm just drained.
I'm really tired of the way things are going at work. They fired Nat. And so I've more or less had to fill in that gap. Which, sad to say, he didn't leave the largest one... but it's just that much more that I have to do. I'm actually pretty sure that I'm going to be fired soon. I have mixed feelings about that one. I really don't want to find another job right now and I like the people I work with. However, fuck the corporate bullshit. Some lady sends in a bogus complaint letter about me and I'll get the boot, instead of the chance to explain the situation. Eh.
I don't know what it is about me, relationships, and complete fucking insanity. Zach and I have been dating for a bit now. His roommate Andy doesn't want us dating, because I am 'coming between them'. Essentially, Zach isn't hanging out at the bars as frequently or lounging about watching tv. Which.. has nothing to do with our relationship because when we first got together we still did all that. It's been since he came back from Texas. Since he failed his E.O.D. test. He's been down on himself and so he's striving to do better this time. Last chance to go the bombsquad route. This doesn't pan out he's going active duty. So I'm stuck in the middle of this and it's frustrating the shit out of me. If I do something - fuck'n a point a damn finger, but if I don't.. leave me the hell out of your drama. I don't want to be accused of going through your shit or told that you don't like my stuff laying around the house. All I have there is a toothbrush (which I have kept in Zach's room since day one) and my contact case (which was sitting on the same shelf as their toothbrush holder). That's it. No cloths, decorations, shoes.. I'm not moving in, nor do I want to. As far as going through anyone's shit.. why the hell would I want to use someone's contact solution if I have my own. This is the kind of petty, childish bullshit that makes me want to fucking cut myself off from civilization. And you know.. I could end that aspect of it now. I could just end the relationship. I mean, shit.. He leaves in April. He'll be gone for about two years. Even when he's done, he isn't coming back here. Even if he did, I don't plan on sticking around. I should be moving in April or May. Finally furthering my college education.
Which brings me to my last ranting point of the evening. I've had it in my head for a bit now that I'll be leaving for ISU come summer semester. Get myself back into the swing of things. If I do get fired.. and if all this shit continues.. I think I'm going to leave sooner than that. Not that it's some big drastic thing. It's an hour and a half away and it's not years ahead of schedule. It's just something I'm thinking about. Something else. It's in there.. so now it's out here.
Ok - one more random thing. How in the shit is my computer clock off by about 8 minutes every few days? I would say it's the clock in my living room, but.. that one is the same as all the other clocks in the house and my cell phone. Cell and living room say 7:32. Computer says 7:24.
(If you actually read all this - let me know and I'll send you some sort of compensation)
I think I'm just drained.
I'm really tired of the way things are going at work. They fired Nat. And so I've more or less had to fill in that gap. Which, sad to say, he didn't leave the largest one... but it's just that much more that I have to do. I'm actually pretty sure that I'm going to be fired soon. I have mixed feelings about that one. I really don't want to find another job right now and I like the people I work with. However, fuck the corporate bullshit. Some lady sends in a bogus complaint letter about me and I'll get the boot, instead of the chance to explain the situation. Eh.
I don't know what it is about me, relationships, and complete fucking insanity. Zach and I have been dating for a bit now. His roommate Andy doesn't want us dating, because I am 'coming between them'. Essentially, Zach isn't hanging out at the bars as frequently or lounging about watching tv. Which.. has nothing to do with our relationship because when we first got together we still did all that. It's been since he came back from Texas. Since he failed his E.O.D. test. He's been down on himself and so he's striving to do better this time. Last chance to go the bombsquad route. This doesn't pan out he's going active duty. So I'm stuck in the middle of this and it's frustrating the shit out of me. If I do something - fuck'n a point a damn finger, but if I don't.. leave me the hell out of your drama. I don't want to be accused of going through your shit or told that you don't like my stuff laying around the house. All I have there is a toothbrush (which I have kept in Zach's room since day one) and my contact case (which was sitting on the same shelf as their toothbrush holder). That's it. No cloths, decorations, shoes.. I'm not moving in, nor do I want to. As far as going through anyone's shit.. why the hell would I want to use someone's contact solution if I have my own. This is the kind of petty, childish bullshit that makes me want to fucking cut myself off from civilization. And you know.. I could end that aspect of it now. I could just end the relationship. I mean, shit.. He leaves in April. He'll be gone for about two years. Even when he's done, he isn't coming back here. Even if he did, I don't plan on sticking around. I should be moving in April or May. Finally furthering my college education.
Which brings me to my last ranting point of the evening. I've had it in my head for a bit now that I'll be leaving for ISU come summer semester. Get myself back into the swing of things. If I do get fired.. and if all this shit continues.. I think I'm going to leave sooner than that. Not that it's some big drastic thing. It's an hour and a half away and it's not years ahead of schedule. It's just something I'm thinking about. Something else. It's in there.. so now it's out here.
Ok - one more random thing. How in the shit is my computer clock off by about 8 minutes every few days? I would say it's the clock in my living room, but.. that one is the same as all the other clocks in the house and my cell phone. Cell and living room say 7:32. Computer says 7:24.
(If you actually read all this - let me know and I'll send you some sort of compensation)