(no subject)
There's a girl I've know for a few years. I love her to death, but she annoys the shit out of me sometimes. Personality conflicts, that sort of problem. She's not mean. She is one of the most loving people I've ever known.
When I met her, she was dating our mutual friend, Matt. She was bouncy, happy, in love with life, interested in everything he was interested in. And he, in typical Matt fashion, fled and just fucking crushed her heart. She was fucked up for months. Months and months. But somehow, they remained friends. She'd moved from Florida to Tennessee to be with him when they were still together. And after all that, still friends.
This was two or three years ago.
I remember talking to a couple people (Brian right when it happened and Chris years later) about just how sad it was to watch and how hard she clung. And how I wished I'd never be like that.
And I am like that. I am exactly fucking like that. It's been over six months, three months of not speaking to him, and I still cannot deal with it. I can be with people, I can love other people, but it all comes back to that.
The other day, she posted "No matter how much you lie, mask it, suppress it, every once in a while, your heart will remind you, just how broken it is." on Facebook and this morning she sent me a message saying she knew I was the only person who got it. She's watched this whole thing... and she knows. She's pretty much the only person who gets it, how bad it really fucking is.
Things are just weird right now. I don't know what's going on with Jason, but when do I ever? Got asked how long we'd been together today. Even other people see it, which is nice and sucky at the same time. How to you even start to explain it? "No, we've never been together, nor will we ever because he was dumb and got some girl knocked up." Awesome. It's strange to think my life would have been 100% different (his too) if I'd said yes instead of no.
When I met her, she was dating our mutual friend, Matt. She was bouncy, happy, in love with life, interested in everything he was interested in. And he, in typical Matt fashion, fled and just fucking crushed her heart. She was fucked up for months. Months and months. But somehow, they remained friends. She'd moved from Florida to Tennessee to be with him when they were still together. And after all that, still friends.
This was two or three years ago.
I remember talking to a couple people (Brian right when it happened and Chris years later) about just how sad it was to watch and how hard she clung. And how I wished I'd never be like that.
And I am like that. I am exactly fucking like that. It's been over six months, three months of not speaking to him, and I still cannot deal with it. I can be with people, I can love other people, but it all comes back to that.
The other day, she posted "No matter how much you lie, mask it, suppress it, every once in a while, your heart will remind you, just how broken it is." on Facebook and this morning she sent me a message saying she knew I was the only person who got it. She's watched this whole thing... and she knows. She's pretty much the only person who gets it, how bad it really fucking is.
Things are just weird right now. I don't know what's going on with Jason, but when do I ever? Got asked how long we'd been together today. Even other people see it, which is nice and sucky at the same time. How to you even start to explain it? "No, we've never been together, nor will we ever because he was dumb and got some girl knocked up." Awesome. It's strange to think my life would have been 100% different (his too) if I'd said yes instead of no.