(no subject)
Livejournal saved a draft I wrote a year ago which only had "Hello" written. So, hello!
It's always a small (and slightly embarrassing) thrill to come back to this thing and be re-exposed to your formal self. Growing up during the Age of Information is so bizarre--I can't imagine the Internet trail I will leave behind when I'm 80. Probably tons of nerdy crap I can make fun of myself later for. By the way, The Internet is a proper noun now.
My parents are Tea-Baggers now. I guess the Unificationists were dying out, so they decided to adopt a new breed of crazy. Makes sense. Not only do they not believe in socialist health care, they don't believe in any health care. They self diagnose and live in pain constantly. It's hard to watch. I've had to separate myself from it.
My dad spends his nights weeping softly because he recently found out that my sister and I are no longer virgins. Everything seems to remind him of this fact, which isn't hard considering sex is marketed nearly everywhere these days. If you've ever seen Inglorious Basterds, you'd know there's a very short, grotesque, and darkly comical sex scene of a Nazi fucking a lady from behind. My sister rented this for the family to watch, conveniently forgetting that scene's existence. As soon as the Butt-Fucking Nazi appeared, my father began sobbing loudly, and demanded my sister turn the film off. I ran in the room, thinking someone had died, but was quickly pushed out by my sister.
"What the fuck happened?"
"There was a sex scene...it was, it was really bad. Like really bad."
I walked past my sister into the living room to check on my dad. The lights were all out. He was lying on the floor, whispering something incoherent under his breath. He was only a giant black mass on the moldy carpet. I stood in the light of the doorway, grasping to make sense of what he was saying. I could only catch every other word.
"Nazi...sex...fucker...Hannah...virginity...fucking...purity...God...Father...sexual..."
I guess the most disturbing aspect I found out of all of this, was the fact that he was relating a repulsive sex scene in a movie to the sex lives of his whorish daughters. It's not that I was necessarily secretive about it. I'm 23 years old, I moved out a long time ago, I've been dating the same dude for nearly two years, what did they expect? Purity and piety were the ways of their Christian cult they birthed me into, and it's been quite awhile since I first strayed. I figured if they'd ever ask, which they never did, I'd just tell them. I always just assumed it was some unspoken thing, anyway.
But, unbeknownst to me, it all became exposed when my sister came home while tripping on LSD. At first, it wasn't so obvious she was on anything. She came home, immediately showered, and came out of the bathroom giggling with a towel wrapped around her head.
"What's so funny?" I asked.
"I cut my hair." She laughed oddly, as she lifted the towel from her head.
"Oh my god..."
Pieces of hair began to fall. The more towel she removed, the more I understood the severity of the damage. That's when I noticed her pupils; The all too familiar glaze of my regretful youthhood drug experiments.
Still in a state of shock, I stood motionless as I watched her sit down at the piano. She had the music of The Bangles hit "Eternal Flame" on the stand, and began playing the opening notes.
"Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling...Do you feel my heart beating?...Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?..." That's about the time she slammed her fists down on the keys, ripped up her sheet music, and screamed,
"NO! IT'S NOT REALLY ETERNAL!!!"
She was like this for seven days. SEVEN DAYS. My parents took advantage of her psychosis and interrogated her endlessly, perhaps coaxing her to reveal things she wasn't quite ready to share. Things about her life, and unfortunately things about mine as well.
It's always a small (and slightly embarrassing) thrill to come back to this thing and be re-exposed to your formal self. Growing up during the Age of Information is so bizarre--I can't imagine the Internet trail I will leave behind when I'm 80. Probably tons of nerdy crap I can make fun of myself later for. By the way, The Internet is a proper noun now.
My parents are Tea-Baggers now. I guess the Unificationists were dying out, so they decided to adopt a new breed of crazy. Makes sense. Not only do they not believe in socialist health care, they don't believe in any health care. They self diagnose and live in pain constantly. It's hard to watch. I've had to separate myself from it.
My dad spends his nights weeping softly because he recently found out that my sister and I are no longer virgins. Everything seems to remind him of this fact, which isn't hard considering sex is marketed nearly everywhere these days. If you've ever seen Inglorious Basterds, you'd know there's a very short, grotesque, and darkly comical sex scene of a Nazi fucking a lady from behind. My sister rented this for the family to watch, conveniently forgetting that scene's existence. As soon as the Butt-Fucking Nazi appeared, my father began sobbing loudly, and demanded my sister turn the film off. I ran in the room, thinking someone had died, but was quickly pushed out by my sister.
"What the fuck happened?"
"There was a sex scene...it was, it was really bad. Like really bad."
I walked past my sister into the living room to check on my dad. The lights were all out. He was lying on the floor, whispering something incoherent under his breath. He was only a giant black mass on the moldy carpet. I stood in the light of the doorway, grasping to make sense of what he was saying. I could only catch every other word.
"Nazi...sex...fucker...Hannah...virginity...fucking...purity...God...Father...sexual..."
I guess the most disturbing aspect I found out of all of this, was the fact that he was relating a repulsive sex scene in a movie to the sex lives of his whorish daughters. It's not that I was necessarily secretive about it. I'm 23 years old, I moved out a long time ago, I've been dating the same dude for nearly two years, what did they expect? Purity and piety were the ways of their Christian cult they birthed me into, and it's been quite awhile since I first strayed. I figured if they'd ever ask, which they never did, I'd just tell them. I always just assumed it was some unspoken thing, anyway.
But, unbeknownst to me, it all became exposed when my sister came home while tripping on LSD. At first, it wasn't so obvious she was on anything. She came home, immediately showered, and came out of the bathroom giggling with a towel wrapped around her head.
"What's so funny?" I asked.
"I cut my hair." She laughed oddly, as she lifted the towel from her head.
"Oh my god..."
Pieces of hair began to fall. The more towel she removed, the more I understood the severity of the damage. That's when I noticed her pupils; The all too familiar glaze of my regretful youthhood drug experiments.
Still in a state of shock, I stood motionless as I watched her sit down at the piano. She had the music of The Bangles hit "Eternal Flame" on the stand, and began playing the opening notes.
"Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling...Do you feel my heart beating?...Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?..." That's about the time she slammed her fists down on the keys, ripped up her sheet music, and screamed,
"NO! IT'S NOT REALLY ETERNAL!!!"
She was like this for seven days. SEVEN DAYS. My parents took advantage of her psychosis and interrogated her endlessly, perhaps coaxing her to reveal things she wasn't quite ready to share. Things about her life, and unfortunately things about mine as well.