Fic [Gossip Girl]: I Do Not Love You Except I Love You
Summery: When Serena told Dan that she loves him, this is what goes on in his mind
Notes:
* Title comes from Pablo Neruda poem
*Season 5 spoilers
*This is my first time writing for this fandom, I hope that my characterization is accurate enough, though it might by a little OCC considering I haven't actually seen season 5 (airing has just began in my century), so most of my knowledge come from reading fanfiction and Wikipedia.
*Also English isn't my mother language so there might be some mistakes, if anyone is interested to be my Bate let me know!
Also posted on: FanFiction, AO3
I Do Not Love You Except I Love You
When did Serena has stopped being the love of his life?
Serena had been his muse, the one that he was willing to wait for because they were meant to be - they just needed to wait for the right moment and they'll be together.
But right now, this very moment, he had to wonder, when had this thought changed? Here she was telling him that she was ready - finally after all the years of being together and apart, the moment he had been waiting for (dreaming of) has arrived - and he felt nothing.
No happiness that his dream had come true - that dream has been faded for quite some time.
No sadness that once again they had the worst timing - he was in-love with somebody else.
This time it was different. The little hope that had always burned inside his heart, that one day he and Serena would be together, had burned out without him noticing. In the past, even though he had dated other women, there always this little hope that sparked of 'one day' but not now. Now all his heart was filled with a burning flame which for the life of him he couldn't ignore or put out, and that flame was Blair.
When did this flame grew? When did Blair has become his everything? Was it during winter break when it was just the two of them, when the seeds of friendship have begun to plant themselves in him? Was it during their time together at W magazine? Or was it during Valentine day when the two of them had watched Rosemary's Baby on their own computers? He didn't know when it started but he did knew that he first realize it when his kissed her; maybe a little earlier when the thought of kissing Blair had not being as revolting as he pretended to be.
In the end it didn't really mattered when it happen only that it happened - is happening; he was in-love with Blair and there was no force in the world that could stop him feeling this way - not even watching her getting married to the wrong parson (even if that person was a prince) and certainly not the former blond goodness who confessed to love him. It was too late - his heart belongs to somebody else.
As painful as it is to love Blair without her ever returning his feeling back, somehow this was real in a way it never had been with Serena. Because in the end Serena had been his muse, the heroine to the fairytale that he retold to himself all this years; the thing about fairytales is that at one point or anther all fairytales must end. He couldn't build a make-belief world for him and Blair, he couldn't to just wait patiently for his dream to came true; he had to do something, had done something, and still she wasn't his. And it was ok (for now) because he still was her friend. So when a few moments later had Blair called him for help he went. He went because for the first time he wasn't living in some fantasy world he created in his mind, he was existing in the real world - with her.