a few isolated, random thoughts
I hate crossing bridges, knowing that you can't turn back once you take those steps. We do everyday, even though we might not realize it. And I hate it. Once something is said, that can't be changed. Once something is done, that *really* can't be done. We can't un-act, un-hurt a friend, un-expose ourselves, or un-live our life. I suppose that makes life a lot more exciting, no second chances, no coming back after that game over.
Is it weird I want to soak all of this up, while I can? I shouldn't be acting like something is going to happen to end it, but I do. Although there's nothing wrong with enjoying and immersing myself in this feeling. I just don't want to look back and feel like I wasted my time here, not here in the vague "on this planet" sense, but here meaning right there on this couch, right with these people. I even feel like these keystrokes are a waste, because they're taking my time away from them. I just hope this isn't one of those omnimous things where I feel like every minute counts because something's going to happen about that. But they really bring out the very best in me, and I'm gladly shattering my shells right now for it because it feels like this is who i should be, and these are who i should be with. (------------------->)
i've realized when i look back on my life, the most vibrant, best moments are always moments filled with pain, or moments directly after moments of pain. that's how it goes. those moments seem to stream through me as i get older. those brief moments, those faces, that feeling, bodies melting together, moving in one rhythm, quick embraces before they all fade away. so many people feel like they've been lost between the moments, falling between the cracks. but they're still in me, even if that's teh only place they live. and there they're live on.
Is it weird I want to soak all of this up, while I can? I shouldn't be acting like something is going to happen to end it, but I do. Although there's nothing wrong with enjoying and immersing myself in this feeling. I just don't want to look back and feel like I wasted my time here, not here in the vague "on this planet" sense, but here meaning right there on this couch, right with these people. I even feel like these keystrokes are a waste, because they're taking my time away from them. I just hope this isn't one of those omnimous things where I feel like every minute counts because something's going to happen about that. But they really bring out the very best in me, and I'm gladly shattering my shells right now for it because it feels like this is who i should be, and these are who i should be with. (------------------->)
i've realized when i look back on my life, the most vibrant, best moments are always moments filled with pain, or moments directly after moments of pain. that's how it goes. those moments seem to stream through me as i get older. those brief moments, those faces, that feeling, bodies melting together, moving in one rhythm, quick embraces before they all fade away. so many people feel like they've been lost between the moments, falling between the cracks. but they're still in me, even if that's teh only place they live. and there they're live on.