frustration
I'm so frustrated. I can currently write over 100 kb on a crack pairing with Renji (I won't say which one, it's a surprise and a very weird one) but when I go to write and actual pairing story with Renji and rukia it turns out like this...
There were some nights when she really killed him.
:I mean, really Zabs... is it even humanly possible to be that dense? really?: he wondered rhetorically to his sword as he nursed his wounded pride once again.
He had suggested that he treat her to a nice dinner with his lieutenants salary that friday night, they could dress up go for a night on the town and he'd even asked her if it was alright that he bring flowers. Her older brother was even waitning when Renji had come to pick her up wearing his nicest kimono and carrying a boquet of the nices flowers he could afford to get for her, and he had given his lieutenant that narrow-eyed, slightly menacing look that all older brothers knew by instinct, the one that said "she will be back at an appropriate hour, safe and unmolested and if you lay a finger on her I will snap your hands off at the wrists and feed them to you." Everyone had seemed to be aware that renji was at last gaining the courage to ease his way towards something more with the woman he loved... except for the woman he loved. Rukia had come strolling down casual as she pleased in one of her shabier, more comfortable kimonos (clearly not taking any care with dressing herself for their evening out) took the flowers and put them in a cheap vase and simply left them there on the table without a backwards glance, then said they should get going.
The "date" was apparently only one sided for it had gotten worse from there, Rukia had settled on a small roadside ramen stand for the main course, then hit up a stand with pulled pork, steamed dumplings and then wrapped it all up with red bean paste mochi. It was common fare and they ate thier meals crowded in among middle-aged workers and retired reapers, most of whom had been quite drunk. There had even been a fist-fight at one of the places which Renji, as a lieutenant had been pretty much honor bound to break up. It had wound up spilling barbecue sauce all over his best kimono. Renji gave up on the idea of a romantic atmosphere and decided to take what he could get, as usual. They'd spent the rest of the evening hanging out doing nothing in particular, she'd bragged about her lastest assignment in the mortal world and how it meant she was getting more trust and responsibility within the squad and then ragged on him about his tattoos. He'd even tried taking her on a romantic moonlight walk down by the river but she'd promptly gotten distracted (right when he'd tried to compliment her and work his way around to asking for a real date) by the idea of catching a catfish. River water and mud had promptly joined the barbecue sauce on his best kimono.
It had been okay, it hadn't been what he'd wanted but it had been fun. He was still a little disappointed though, it seemed that her dear older brother had gotten worried over nothing. Even when Renji had made one or two less than stellar attempts to get her to understnad what was going on, like asking her whether she'd liked the flowers or telling her he'd had a hard time picking out what to wear, the information had sailed right on past her without a pause to rest.
:It must be for you manage a similar level of density on an almost daily basis,: his sword informed him with his dry sense of humor.
:Thanks for that, nice ego booster there. Allways nice to know you're in my corner buddy,: Renji sarcasmed back at him.
Renji was in the midst of weighing whether or not his poor abused ego could take another beating so soon or if he should wait a while and lick his wounds before trying again. As long as Rukia was still single and he was of an appropriate rank to approach her, there would always be a try again. He didn't want to regret anything anymore.
"Ya think maybe i should try a letter?: he wondered out loud to his sword.
:And give her physical evidence to hold over yer head fer the rest of your afterlives?: Snakey replied. :I'd rethink that one if I were you.:
:Okay, so what have we got then?: renji replied. :She's even less subtle than I am apparently...:
Renji didn't even want to consider the alternative... that she was perfectly well aware of his feelings and intentios and that this whole date had been her subtle way of telling him she only saw him as a friend.
:I guess there's no choice but to just tell her straight out,: Renji concluded gloomily.
After a date like that last one his outlook for any sort of favorable answer to his feelings was pretty bleak. Still, maybe after all of this time it would be best to just get it over with and finally know once and for all. He could get lucky and receive a maybe. After that not-date (he'd tried, but it seemed like she wasn't having any of it) he thought it was far more likely that she'd just cut him off at the knees and ask that he never speak of it again. And then they'd spend the next forty years avoiding each other out of embarrasment. Frankly right then, the worst-case scenario that had always kept him quiet in the past seemed like the most likely outcome.
:How do I tell her though?: he wondered to himself for what had to be the millionth time.
In the barracks in eleventh Renji had tried to imagine what he might say on that far away day he hung all his hopes on, the day when he'd finally gained his coveted rank, when he had proven himself worthy to approach her. All the things he tried to say had come out sounding tite or boring or incapable of carrying to her the true depth of what he felt in his heart for her. He didn't want to just hand her some flowers, ask "be my girl" and wait for her answer, for one thing, she'd just laugh in his face.
I started writing it one a whim with no real idea in mind and now I need some suggestions. A little help please?
There were some nights when she really killed him.
:I mean, really Zabs... is it even humanly possible to be that dense? really?: he wondered rhetorically to his sword as he nursed his wounded pride once again.
He had suggested that he treat her to a nice dinner with his lieutenants salary that friday night, they could dress up go for a night on the town and he'd even asked her if it was alright that he bring flowers. Her older brother was even waitning when Renji had come to pick her up wearing his nicest kimono and carrying a boquet of the nices flowers he could afford to get for her, and he had given his lieutenant that narrow-eyed, slightly menacing look that all older brothers knew by instinct, the one that said "she will be back at an appropriate hour, safe and unmolested and if you lay a finger on her I will snap your hands off at the wrists and feed them to you." Everyone had seemed to be aware that renji was at last gaining the courage to ease his way towards something more with the woman he loved... except for the woman he loved. Rukia had come strolling down casual as she pleased in one of her shabier, more comfortable kimonos (clearly not taking any care with dressing herself for their evening out) took the flowers and put them in a cheap vase and simply left them there on the table without a backwards glance, then said they should get going.
The "date" was apparently only one sided for it had gotten worse from there, Rukia had settled on a small roadside ramen stand for the main course, then hit up a stand with pulled pork, steamed dumplings and then wrapped it all up with red bean paste mochi. It was common fare and they ate thier meals crowded in among middle-aged workers and retired reapers, most of whom had been quite drunk. There had even been a fist-fight at one of the places which Renji, as a lieutenant had been pretty much honor bound to break up. It had wound up spilling barbecue sauce all over his best kimono. Renji gave up on the idea of a romantic atmosphere and decided to take what he could get, as usual. They'd spent the rest of the evening hanging out doing nothing in particular, she'd bragged about her lastest assignment in the mortal world and how it meant she was getting more trust and responsibility within the squad and then ragged on him about his tattoos. He'd even tried taking her on a romantic moonlight walk down by the river but she'd promptly gotten distracted (right when he'd tried to compliment her and work his way around to asking for a real date) by the idea of catching a catfish. River water and mud had promptly joined the barbecue sauce on his best kimono.
It had been okay, it hadn't been what he'd wanted but it had been fun. He was still a little disappointed though, it seemed that her dear older brother had gotten worried over nothing. Even when Renji had made one or two less than stellar attempts to get her to understnad what was going on, like asking her whether she'd liked the flowers or telling her he'd had a hard time picking out what to wear, the information had sailed right on past her without a pause to rest.
:It must be for you manage a similar level of density on an almost daily basis,: his sword informed him with his dry sense of humor.
:Thanks for that, nice ego booster there. Allways nice to know you're in my corner buddy,: Renji sarcasmed back at him.
Renji was in the midst of weighing whether or not his poor abused ego could take another beating so soon or if he should wait a while and lick his wounds before trying again. As long as Rukia was still single and he was of an appropriate rank to approach her, there would always be a try again. He didn't want to regret anything anymore.
"Ya think maybe i should try a letter?: he wondered out loud to his sword.
:And give her physical evidence to hold over yer head fer the rest of your afterlives?: Snakey replied. :I'd rethink that one if I were you.:
:Okay, so what have we got then?: renji replied. :She's even less subtle than I am apparently...:
Renji didn't even want to consider the alternative... that she was perfectly well aware of his feelings and intentios and that this whole date had been her subtle way of telling him she only saw him as a friend.
:I guess there's no choice but to just tell her straight out,: Renji concluded gloomily.
After a date like that last one his outlook for any sort of favorable answer to his feelings was pretty bleak. Still, maybe after all of this time it would be best to just get it over with and finally know once and for all. He could get lucky and receive a maybe. After that not-date (he'd tried, but it seemed like she wasn't having any of it) he thought it was far more likely that she'd just cut him off at the knees and ask that he never speak of it again. And then they'd spend the next forty years avoiding each other out of embarrasment. Frankly right then, the worst-case scenario that had always kept him quiet in the past seemed like the most likely outcome.
:How do I tell her though?: he wondered to himself for what had to be the millionth time.
In the barracks in eleventh Renji had tried to imagine what he might say on that far away day he hung all his hopes on, the day when he'd finally gained his coveted rank, when he had proven himself worthy to approach her. All the things he tried to say had come out sounding tite or boring or incapable of carrying to her the true depth of what he felt in his heart for her. He didn't want to just hand her some flowers, ask "be my girl" and wait for her answer, for one thing, she'd just laugh in his face.
I started writing it one a whim with no real idea in mind and now I need some suggestions. A little help please?