Fuck!!!
Brandon just told me yesterday that he may be leaving for basic training in late September (which is when our 2 year anniversary is) or early October. I'm so fucking pissed. So he's not even going to take the LSAT in October. I feel like he didn't even try. He also said that when he leaves, we can't be together anymore because we will never really even see each other again but he wants to stay friends. He said I can't come with him because I have to finish school and get my Ph.D and if I get a job as a professor, I won't be able to move around a lot. He won't follow me to New Zealand either. He said he has no money to get married to me now anyways. So he said I should move on when he leaves and find myself a better man. He has to leave real soon because his fucking dumb ass mother quit her job and no one is hiring her and so he needs to go into the Navy and send her home money because they may be losing the condo that they live in. That bitch should live on the streets when he's gone. It's all her fault anyways. She always makes him feel bad and guilty. I think it's her fault that he believes he can't do well on the LSAT. My mom said that his mom is probably happy that he's going away into the Navy because he won't be with me anymore. Now I'm depressed and it's the worst time to be because I just started grad school and I hate the two seminars that I'm in. Oh and I'll be starting new birth control pills tonight because I was starting to get ovarian cysts again with the birth control I was currently on for 2 years and I found out that the new birth control that I will be taking may make me feel depressed or have wicked ass mood swings. This is great...let's see how depressed I could get. I'll probably flunk out of grad school since I'll be so fucking depressed and I don't give two shits about the fucking seminars that I'm in this semester. I haven't been doing the readings because I hate them and I have a headache from crying and being so sad. I seriously think I'm allergic to my tears/and or crying. My fucking eyes swell up and my eye balls hurt when I cry, it feels like when the eye doctor sticks those drops in your eyes to look at them and to dialate them. It's hard not to cry because I'm on birth control pills and they make you so fucking emotional and make you cry with a drop of a hat. My mom is already looking for guys for me to go out with. lol. But I probably won't date anyone for a long time and I won't find anyone here. I'ma need me some serotonin and dopamine. Where's my gay husband? I need him.