(no subject)
So i’m dreaming right? And I’m the black actor who plays the main character in hotel Rwanda, I don’t know what I was doing in the dream but it was intense. Anyhow so last week-ish I’m shuffling through old papers and I suddenly realize most the things that happened to me as a child never happened because I used to have polio until I was 10 and I guess day dreams and sleeping dreams kept me from knowing until now. I found my medical records that had all my polio info on them. Its so strange to find out that after years and years of having memories of falling out of a tree and being in a wheel chair for years was actually my growing mind covering up the fact that I couldn’t move my legs until I was 10 from constant physical therapy. And that’s how my mom landed a job as a receptionist for physical therapy because I went for so many years that she became acquainted with the people In the work place and they offered her a job as a physical therapist and she was one until she her self hurt her wrist and started just answering phones and doing the receptionist thing. My mom told me all about it today after I found the papers cuz I was so confused as to what the hell they were about. The mind is a crazy thing and i'm glad to basically have been delusional for my whole life or I could be suffering from many problems about my childhood and not being able to do things regular children did if I didn’t have such a creative imagination. I finally realized this is why all my dreams of weird things so closely fit in with things that really happened because in fact they were all delusions I made up to keep from understanding what was going on. My child hood was fake. And it’s all understandable now. I’m sort at peace with what’s going on and if I have been in a rage or being a little distant lately its because I have within the last week come to realize all of this.