frayed
i've got strep throat and i'm at work when i should have waved my doc's note around and stayed home...i hate being a slave to money ;(
for the past few months, everything that has come out of my mouth, regardless of tone or context or content, has been taken by my baby bro as a verbal assault on himself, or an insult, or a vagrant attempt to start a fight. given, i have at times deserved the reactions i've received, but i do not deserve to be yelled at every time i open my mouth. needless to say i've had it. last night it was 90+ in my house and i wanted a shower. little bro was in the bathroom and i told him that i wanted a shower when he was done with the constitutional. he comes out to check his voice mail and i get up to go to the bathroom *dad deconstructed the shower in his room before the surgery and it hasn't yet been put back together* i get literally pushed out of the way and told, by the brother that's been nice up to this point, that his shower is more important because he's going out and i can wait...he starts yelling so i start screaming, i end up in tears and he ends up in the shower first, and the ass did not leave the house after that. not to mention he'd been home napping since four in the afternoon. my parents attempt to play peacekeeper to no avail, no matter what i'm always wrong and now i've got both of the pain-in-the- ass(es) after everything i say. oh, and what i don't say as well, as he 'heard' me say something inappropriate, and no sound at all had come from me. i've been depressed for the past few days to add to it, and we get to go play happy loving best family on the earth tomorrow at a wedding...which is outdoors at a camp ground in lake friggin elsinore, and we're in a heat wave. outdoors for 6 hours in 110 degrees, i'm so excited...
last day at the theatre, and i'm staying gone this time, for good or bad. no way sills will lemme comeback again anyway. maybe the budding relationship will have time to bloom now that i've got time? i want it, and i'm gonna have to go and get it i think...its frustratingly cute when i stand back and look at it. two shy people with no prior relationships too nervous to start anything new due to the fear of losing whats there already. it doesn't help that every time i think about it/him i get the new death cab for cutie song's refrain floating though my head "gotta spend some time with me, and i know that you'll find love...i will possess your heart"...just that, mind you...the whole song's about a stalker and i don't wanna go there thank you.
i've gotta start finding nice stuff to write about before i scare y'all away too, must have a better week, must must must O_o;
for the past few months, everything that has come out of my mouth, regardless of tone or context or content, has been taken by my baby bro as a verbal assault on himself, or an insult, or a vagrant attempt to start a fight. given, i have at times deserved the reactions i've received, but i do not deserve to be yelled at every time i open my mouth. needless to say i've had it. last night it was 90+ in my house and i wanted a shower. little bro was in the bathroom and i told him that i wanted a shower when he was done with the constitutional. he comes out to check his voice mail and i get up to go to the bathroom *dad deconstructed the shower in his room before the surgery and it hasn't yet been put back together* i get literally pushed out of the way and told, by the brother that's been nice up to this point, that his shower is more important because he's going out and i can wait...he starts yelling so i start screaming, i end up in tears and he ends up in the shower first, and the ass did not leave the house after that. not to mention he'd been home napping since four in the afternoon. my parents attempt to play peacekeeper to no avail, no matter what i'm always wrong and now i've got both of the pain-in-the- ass(es) after everything i say. oh, and what i don't say as well, as he 'heard' me say something inappropriate, and no sound at all had come from me. i've been depressed for the past few days to add to it, and we get to go play happy loving best family on the earth tomorrow at a wedding...which is outdoors at a camp ground in lake friggin elsinore, and we're in a heat wave. outdoors for 6 hours in 110 degrees, i'm so excited...
last day at the theatre, and i'm staying gone this time, for good or bad. no way sills will lemme comeback again anyway. maybe the budding relationship will have time to bloom now that i've got time? i want it, and i'm gonna have to go and get it i think...its frustratingly cute when i stand back and look at it. two shy people with no prior relationships too nervous to start anything new due to the fear of losing whats there already. it doesn't help that every time i think about it/him i get the new death cab for cutie song's refrain floating though my head "gotta spend some time with me, and i know that you'll find love...i will possess your heart"...just that, mind you...the whole song's about a stalker and i don't wanna go there thank you.
i've gotta start finding nice stuff to write about before i scare y'all away too, must have a better week, must must must O_o;