everything seems so far away...
everything is so distant now. i feel like i'm falling one step behind everyone else. and i have no way of catching up. i should quit smoking. i think that has a lot to deal with it. i feel broken. i miss aenon. i wish everyone would stop hating me for no good reason. i have a lot of problems no one knows about. i have a lot of baggage. i can't be with anyone anymore. i feel like if i was going to be fair to them i'd need to tell them everything, and i can't do that. there is so much no one will ever know. a lot i can't even tell jessina. the only person who knows that much about me is joe. but well all see how that turned out. i don't know how i feel about anything. i wish he could forgive me, i forgave him but i know i did some terrible things to him. nothing will be like it was. hell joe and i are barely on speaking terms. i couldn't see him in person right now though, so much pain and grief and anger. i couldn't handle it.