Everybody Hates Me

[nightcookie]

God, everbody hates me, I don't know why, but they do... I must have "HATE ME" in bold letters on my forehead. Well, I guess I should back up my everyone hates me story. You see, I got sick at work a little less than a week ago. I was ok all day untill I took some dieretics for that horrid time of the month. Soon after that I got nauseated and so

Comments

Re: Live a Great Life

[anonymous]

Sorry I gotta be anonymous this time but I'm at work and I'm skiving a bit. Just wanted to say, that I understand every feeling and everything you said here. I am 37 and have lived with depression for about 20 years now. It seems to have got worse as I get older and sometimes I feel optimistic about life and sometimes I just want to give in and let the depression wash over me and surrender to it. I like your blog, you can write. You've gotta a good eye for just saying what you want and detailing something that sounds pretty simple in terms of it being an eventful happening but which manages to sum up the total vibe that you happen to be on that day. Sometimes I don’t know if I want to get better in the sense that in some ways I am "comfortable" in the pain my depression causes. I know it, I know how to ride it sometimes and it’s me and all I've known for a long time. Then other times I am sick to death of myself or the pain becomes too much and I want to end it all. I don’t know if I believe that life is even supposed to be happy although I know some people are. I can’t rewire how I think and unless there's someone out there who knows how to I don’t see how I am ever going to lose all the demons that I have lived with for so long. Of course the professionals will say that this is the very crux of what depression is all about and I guess what they're saying makes sense. But its also real tiring to keep on having to correct every thought you have in order to change how you think and even when you do there's still that niggling bastard voice underlying that’s dishing the dirt. I ease the pain with drugs and daydreaming. The daydreaming will eventually not work as the reality of life has a way of crashing in uninvited but I guess the drugs always will even if they do end up killing me. I function, I go to work and family get togethers etc etc but inside I'm mostly a typhoon of negative emotions and thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if I should just accept that this is me and this is my existence and how my brain works and just get on with it. Maybe acceptance will ease some of the pain, who knows. One thing about being depressed, your brain never stops ticking over and it’s like having a negative running commentary about you and your life that you can't turn off. Anyhow, I gotta go now, just wanted you to know I liked reading what you had to say. It touched quite a few points with me. I hope you do find something meaningful that will change your existence as I hope for myself but I guess that’s the journey of life. We may, we may not. Peace