Everybody Hates Me

[nightcookie]

God, everbody hates me, I don't know why, but they do... I must have "HATE ME" in bold letters on my forehead. Well, I guess I should back up my everyone hates me story. You see, I got sick at work a little less than a week ago. I was ok all day untill I took some dieretics for that horrid time of the month. Soon after that I got nauseated and so

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[nightcookie]

I am an inconvenience, I know it. I don't mean to. I show love, but I've been really trying my best here lately. I give flowers and cards to my grandma on holidays, cards to my parents' presents on Christmas, things for birthdays, hugs if I'm not feeling paronoid of people, comfort and empathy when I gets the chance. My mom doesn't like flowers, cards, or anything except racing bikes and horse saddles, I can't afford to make my mom happy. She's not a lovey person. I got her a couple shirts that were $40 for mothers day. I was overeating when I wrote this entry, kinda sarcastic in a way, so I could see how stupid I was being thinking everyone hates me. Only a few people hate me, but those few people just drag me down so much to where I don't think of the people that are my friends, just that I'm hated. I guess it's inpossible to make everyone happy, but I want to. Friends come naturally, attracted to eachother for some reason, I guess, not by kissing someones ass. I don't know how I get friends, it just sorta happens, which is odd, because I used to work so hard to make friends when I was younger, yet very few people noticed me for a friend. Life is very odd sometimes. Anyways, on my day off $250 was stolen, so that nocks me of the hit list. My store manager sees me as a pain in the ass, I don't want to need, but what can I do about it. I just need someone to understand that I'm not what they think I should be. I am fucked up, I'm not just an irresponsible teenager who wants everyone to bend over backyards for her. I can't help it that being fucked up is the way I am. I can, and I'm working on it, to be a little more organized. I dunno if I made any sence, I'm sleepy, long day....Thanks for being nice though, I really am greatful for anyone who will waste their time to have anything to do with me. *hugs*