The Usual Unhappiness
The past few day I've been so happy acting a hyper as hell. It was nice having a ton of energy. I've been getting my adrenilen junkieness fufilled at my wonderful job at McDonald's. I run around all over the place, trying to do everything, I love it when buses come in. We have alot of new workers now, I'm used to us being short of workers, so I try and do everybody elses jobs including mine and it pisses them off. Now that night AKA early morning has rolled around I'm sad again, I don't know exactly why...Well I guess I do, but, sigh. Here's the beggining; I used to have a good friend on the net and I'm trying to find him. I want to know how he's doing. He pretty much got me interested in writing, reading, music, and poems or at least gave me the confidence to do any of that. I didn't like anything at the time, I was just a talking, breathing, depressed little girl, starving herself, and wondering around the web blankly searching for any way I could find to rid of myself. I'm somewhat different now. At least I know I won't purposefully *did I spell that right?* take my own life, that's if you don't call an eating disorder and self carelessness purposfully *how about this time?* trying to die. For some reason I don't think it is, although I know it is. Contridictions again...I guess I'm trying to kill a part of me, but it hasn't quite struck me yet, that in order to kill a part of me, I'll have to kill a whole person. *Psh..*, see I can write it on the computer, but it doesn't seem to relate to me, heh. I stopped drugs, so I guess that's what a therapist would call an improvement, but it seems like a failure almost to me. I probably woulda kept doing it untill I just broke down, but the fact that it was controlling me pissed me off, so I just quit...I do have hopes and dreams, I wana go to college to be a psyciatric nurse, I can relate with my patients :). Half of them will most likely be my family and friends anyways, he he. I miss my Vixen. I miss her alot. She's gonna move in with her long term boyfriend, she even said she'd get married in Halloween to him. I think I'm jealous, she's my friend *whines*, not his! That pisses me off. Well, at least she has a companion, someone who loves her, someone who can keep her warm at night, someone that is a living, breathing, human. Not a cat, horse, dog, or friends you can only talk to through a glass screen, never knowing them completely, unable to see or touch them, only type. If only her dad would let me see her again. In the middle of May she is graduating high school and moving approximatly 4 hrs away from me. I haven't seen her for a year, we've only seen eachother twice in two years. I have family, I have some friends which are mainly from my work which consumes what little time I have, but they just don't understand me as much as I wish they could. I'm alone inside. Another thing that is making me unhappy is that I am eating. I hate being hungry. I feel so empty inside, how come I have to eat fucking food. I'd rather be completely empty inside, than stuff myself with calories!! I lost some weight, around 4 lbs, making me 100 lbs, but I might have gained around a lb back from munching on anything that looks edible. If I don't control myself tomorrow, I'll probably just stuff myself with laxitives, which hurt my stomach so much!! I don't care too much though, as long as they don't start kicking in while I'm at work. That's why I've been avoiding my laxies lately, but fuck it. Well, I gotta go, I work tomorrow, it's 3:15 in the morning, and I'm sleepy, so good nights *hugs*...-Cookie
You are a maniac
killer.
It doesn't matter who they are and what they
have or haven't done. You still want to kill
them. And for a simple reason only; it's fun.
Seeing people in pain is like ecstasy. Maybe
you have some sort of mental problems or you
are this way because of previous deep scars,
only you know. But now you are sadistic and
maybe you only like to see a special group of
people be in pain (e.g. preps). However you are
not the most social person in the bunch and
people think you are weird. That bothers you
somewhat but atleast you can entertain yourself
with daydreaming about killing them. After all,
they have no idea what's coming.
Main weapon: Explosives and torture
equpiment
Quote: "Insanity: a perfect
rational adjustment to an insane world" -
R.D. Lang
Facial expression: Wicked smile
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a maniac
killer.
It doesn't matter who they are and what they
have or haven't done. You still want to kill
them. And for a simple reason only; it's fun.
Seeing people in pain is like ecstasy. Maybe
you have some sort of mental problems or you
are this way because of previous deep scars,
only you know. But now you are sadistic and
maybe you only like to see a special group of
people be in pain (e.g. preps). However you are
not the most social person in the bunch and
people think you are weird. That bothers you
somewhat but atleast you can entertain yourself
with daydreaming about killing them. After all,
they have no idea what's coming.
Main weapon: Explosives and torture
equpiment
Quote: "Insanity: a perfect
rational adjustment to an insane world" -
R.D. Lang
Facial expression: Wicked smile
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla