Saturday morning introduction
It's now Saturday morning in this crazy house.
Well, not too crazy. It's actually pretty quiet. Except for our somewhat trashy neighbors who feel like sharing their stereo country music with everyone. I'm glad to be here at Live Journal. I'm glad to have a place for my thoughts. I used to be on Xanga (think like 10 years on Xanga!) Then that ship sunk. Very sad. It's amazing how we can get attached to virtual places like websites. There was a sense of community there that I've never found before or since. I miss it very much.
So here I am. You might wonder about me.
I'm in my early 30s. I hate saying this, because I don't feel like I am at all. I look 24. I act young (not immature, just young. Full of wonder. Playful. That kind of thing). I was a voice teacher for 7 years after college. Then I lost all my jobs (not fired, just shifted around and replaced). I was devastated. What would I do now?
Relationship never worked out for me. I have dated ...let's see...7 or 8 guys since college. Not casual dating; relationships. That lasted almost a year or longer. I always thought I'd do the marriage and kids thing. I never doubted it. That's just what good girls who grow up in the church do. I'd go to college, get my degree, work a little bit, then be some guy's wife and then a mom. I never even questioned it.
Well, I tried. And failed. Not really failed. I guess I never *really* tried all that much. It just never worked out. Either I was too angry with my issues, or he was too stupid, or I was too in love and he wasn't as much, or he was too in love and I wasn't. It just never lined up. Here we go, again.
So last year I gave up my dreams. Dreams of being a young bride in a white dress with the dreamy smile you see in all those annoying Facebook wedding pictures. Dreams of being a beaming young mom in those pics of a new mom with her infant. I decided to just be...me. To follow my dreams that I've always had. Dreams I never felt quite good enough for. I wanted to be an actress.
And I AM.
I've been touring the country for the past year and a half with a small show. I've done only professional acting jobs for the past 2 years, and I have a professional singing job at a church. I have been choreographing musicals and showchoir for 3 years. I'm just getting into it, but I'm living my dreams.
I've a best friend in all this. Yes, he's a man. But it's different. I don't look to him to fulfill some long-dead dream. He's him, and I'm me. I love him more than I could ever put in 100 books I would write. But he he's me SEE who I am, not define it. We are completely unconventional, un-cookie cutter. Un-everything I'd projected in my mind for the future. But I love him for who he is. He's not perfect, just like I'm not. Our relationship isn't perfect. We have a ton of problems. But sometimes I wake up beaming for how grateful I am for it all.
It's okay to not be 25. It's okay to be who you are. It's okay to be not married and have no kids (unlike all your friends). My choices are my own. I choose to be the BEST me I can. My life is about living for God, for Christ, and being who HE made me to be. Owning up to every moment. Breathe in, and let go.
Well, not too crazy. It's actually pretty quiet. Except for our somewhat trashy neighbors who feel like sharing their stereo country music with everyone. I'm glad to be here at Live Journal. I'm glad to have a place for my thoughts. I used to be on Xanga (think like 10 years on Xanga!) Then that ship sunk. Very sad. It's amazing how we can get attached to virtual places like websites. There was a sense of community there that I've never found before or since. I miss it very much.
So here I am. You might wonder about me.
I'm in my early 30s. I hate saying this, because I don't feel like I am at all. I look 24. I act young (not immature, just young. Full of wonder. Playful. That kind of thing). I was a voice teacher for 7 years after college. Then I lost all my jobs (not fired, just shifted around and replaced). I was devastated. What would I do now?
Relationship never worked out for me. I have dated ...let's see...7 or 8 guys since college. Not casual dating; relationships. That lasted almost a year or longer. I always thought I'd do the marriage and kids thing. I never doubted it. That's just what good girls who grow up in the church do. I'd go to college, get my degree, work a little bit, then be some guy's wife and then a mom. I never even questioned it.
Well, I tried. And failed. Not really failed. I guess I never *really* tried all that much. It just never worked out. Either I was too angry with my issues, or he was too stupid, or I was too in love and he wasn't as much, or he was too in love and I wasn't. It just never lined up. Here we go, again.
So last year I gave up my dreams. Dreams of being a young bride in a white dress with the dreamy smile you see in all those annoying Facebook wedding pictures. Dreams of being a beaming young mom in those pics of a new mom with her infant. I decided to just be...me. To follow my dreams that I've always had. Dreams I never felt quite good enough for. I wanted to be an actress.
And I AM.
I've been touring the country for the past year and a half with a small show. I've done only professional acting jobs for the past 2 years, and I have a professional singing job at a church. I have been choreographing musicals and showchoir for 3 years. I'm just getting into it, but I'm living my dreams.
I've a best friend in all this. Yes, he's a man. But it's different. I don't look to him to fulfill some long-dead dream. He's him, and I'm me. I love him more than I could ever put in 100 books I would write. But he he's me SEE who I am, not define it. We are completely unconventional, un-cookie cutter. Un-everything I'd projected in my mind for the future. But I love him for who he is. He's not perfect, just like I'm not. Our relationship isn't perfect. We have a ton of problems. But sometimes I wake up beaming for how grateful I am for it all.
It's okay to not be 25. It's okay to be who you are. It's okay to be not married and have no kids (unlike all your friends). My choices are my own. I choose to be the BEST me I can. My life is about living for God, for Christ, and being who HE made me to be. Owning up to every moment. Breathe in, and let go.