NCIS - What doesn't kill you... - Chapter 4
Title: What doesn’t kill you…
Summary: When a case takes a disastrous turn, Tony is forced to find in himself the words to convince a victim to testify against her attacker and so have a chance to put a predator behind bars.
Categories: NCIS
Rating: T
Characters: Tony DiNozzo, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Tim McGee, Ziva David, Original characters (Lieutenant Katherine Meyers, Lieutenant Mary Carson).
Pairing: Tony/Gibbs (father/son).
Genres: Drama, Hurt/comfort.
Warnings: Swearing, reference to non-con (past and case related).
Spoilers: Set somewhere during season 3, spoilers for the episode Chained (2x10).
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: Special thanks to my beta reader smuffly for her support and help.
Also a huge thank you to hunzelbunzel who has been so kind to comment this fic for far and to everyone who took time to read it.
Chapter 4 - Confidences
Tony leant against the railing of the rooftop, closed his eyes and turned his face to the sky, letting the pale beams of spring sun chase away the unpleasant feeling of cold which had crept through him while he was in the interrogation room.
As soon as he had left, he had rushed to the men’s room and splashed some water on his face, before seeking out the nearest terrace to get some fresh air and try to compose himself. Digging the dirt had been a necessary evil to bring Wells down, but now he really needed to do some damage control.
"You didn't tell me."
Gibbs’ voice was calm, but Tony could hear the tension in it.
"No. I didn't," he acknowledged quietly, without bothering to turn around.
He knew Gibbs would come after him and demand an explanation. But he hadn’t expected it would be so soon and before he was fully prepared to face him.
"Why?"
Tony let out a snort and bowed his head, inwardly steeling himself in anticipation of the thorough interrogation which was already beginning.
"Not exactly the kind of stuff you can bring into everyday conversation. And anyway, it seemed… irrelevant."
"Irrelevant! Are you kidding?" Gibbs was literally roaring, unable to contain his exasperation at Tony's understatement.
Tony spun around and hushed him.
"Hey, not so loud, thanks. The whole Yard doesn’t need to hear us."
Gibbs grunted noncommittally, but nevertheless went on in a subdued tone.
"For God's sake, Tony. Why can't you stop pretending..."
"I’m not pretending anything," Tony cut him off, before leaning back against the railing. He ran his hand over his face and sighed wearily.
"All I mean is… that it could have been worse."
Gibbs raised a dubious eyebrow and Tony shook his head.
"Look. At least, I'm alive and got out of this mess unharmed."
"Unharmed, really?" snorted the team leader.
Tony shrugged wryly.
"From my point of view, it’s still better than to have my throat slit open or to be shot in the head or… I don’t know, to end up disabled for the rest of my life."
He straightened his back and warily glanced at his mentor. Gibbs was leaning against a wall, arms crossed, looking less than convinced.
"I'm fine," Tony claimed flatly.
"If you say so," grunted Gibbs between clenched teeth.
He knew better than to put the younger man’s back up over semantics and decided to try another approach.
"Did you... see someone?"
Tony turned to face him.
"If you want to know whether I had a physical examination, the answer is yes. Ducky took care of that. He carried out all the required tests on me and… them."
It took Gibbs the fraction of a second to understand what kind of tests he was talking about, but as soon as the word ‘AIDS’ came to mind, he felt an icy wave wash over him from head to toe.
Oh God. Please, not that.
Seeing his dismay, Tony hastened to put his mind at rest.
"Don’t worry - all the tests came back negative." He spread his arms and added with his trademark cocky smile: "I’m as pure as a newborn."
Gibbs let out the breath he hadn’t known that he was holding and rested his head against the wall, full of relief that Tony hadn’t been completely alone, and grateful for Ducky’s unfailing support.
"And for the rest?" he insisted.
Tony’s smile faded away and he looked down at his shoes.
"A shrink you mean? No. No need. I can take care of myself, thanks."
"Tony…" Gibbs began, but the younger man held his hand to stop him.
"Listen. The last thing I need is some stranger messing with my head. I’ve been in law enforcement for years. I attended dozen of seminars and training sessions about… that. Trust me, there’s nothing a shrink can tell me that I didn’t tell myself."
Looking Gibbs straight in the eye, he held out his fingers one by one.
"I’m not in denial. I don’t remember anything, so I can’t have flashbacks. Any anger I could have felt had gone long ago. I don’t felt guilty for anything anymore. And I’m definitely not depressed. What’s done is done and nothing is going to change that. Oh, and it never affected the way I do my job, if that’s what worries you."
"Don't you dare, DiNozzo," warned Gibbs, upset that he could even imagine this was his main concern about him.
Tony let his hand fall back.
"It’s an occupational hazard, Gibbs. Like being stabbed or shot or… whatever. It happened and now I’ve got to live with it. I don’t need a shrink to tell me that."
He hunched his shoulders and leant back against the railing, crossing his arms the same way Gibbs did. The two men stayed silence for a moment, before Gibbs took the plunge and dared to ask the question which was burning a hole in his tongue.
"You… You said you got a… blank. How did you… know?" he asked, hanging on to the foolish hope that, maybe, all of this was only a monumental mistake.
Tony's shoulders tensed. His voice, when he finally spoke, was barely a whisper and Gibbs had to prick up his ears to hear him. ‘Sore’ and ‘blood’ were the only words he got clearly, but they were enough to shred his heart into pieces. At that very moment, his only wish was to be able to bring these two bastards back to life and have a chance to kill them again, very slowly.
Tony averted his eyes, but not quickly enough for Gibbs to miss the fact that they were glazed with deep sadness and something that looked suspiciously like shame. Almost instantly, his desire for revenge was replaced by the urge to take the younger man in his arms and comfort him, as he used to do with his daughter, when she was hurt.
But he knew that wasn’t what Tony wanted from him. As much as he was ready to accept support and understanding, he wouldn’t tolerate any sign of pity. He didn’t want to be treated any differently and though it would cost him, Gibbs didn’t intend to disappoint him.
Instead, he merely cleared his throat and nodded, before changing the subject once again.
"What will you do with the others? They heard everything you told Carson. I’m pretty sure McGee already connected the dots and made the link to White and Danielson. I don’t think it will be long before he spills the beans to Ziva. As for Meyers…"
Tony shook his head with a chuckle and tried to dig a hole in the gravel of the roof with the tip of his shoe.
"Meyers is a heartless bitch who’s only interested in her career. I’m willing to wager that she won’t look beyond the ‘friend’ story. If she does…" He sighed dejectedly. "Well, to her I’m the scum of earth, so she would just think that I deserve what happened to me."
Gibbs felt his anger came back at full speed. The thought of someone even thinking that Tony deserved such a thing was unbearable and he sincerely hoped that the JAG officer would be wise enough to buy the official version and shut her mouth. For her own good.
He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down.
"What about Ziva and McGee?"
Tony shrugged.
"Even easier. All I’ll have to do is to deny everything outright and pretend I made it up in order to make Carson change her mind." He pulled a thoughtful face and tilted his head. "Well, I guess I’ll have to crack one or two bad jokes and goof around for a while. But that won’t be a problem."
"They’re investigators. They won’t buy it."
"Oh yes, they will."
Gibbs raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because they’ll prefer not to have to deal with this kind of stuff." He sighed and screwed up his eyes, glancing at the landscape below them. "That’s what anyone would do. It’s only human. People always choose the easy way out."
Gibbs pulled a face, not completely convinced.
"You didn’t. Choose the easy way out. You could have just shut your mouth and let others deal with the mess, but you went to talk to Carson, knowing it would let the cat out of the bag."
Tony shoved his hands in his pockets and grinned.
"I guess I’m a masochist through and through."
Gibbs scowled at his banter and Tony felt obliged to add more seriously:
"Just thought I could help her to get over it, that’s all."
Gibbs couldn’t help smiling. He should have known that every single word Tony had told to Mary Carson had been simple truth. He hadn’t done it for the case, though it was a bonus, but only in order to try and help her to get over her trauma and start to break through the mantle of guilt that was suffocating her. It was so Tony.
Checking his watch, he realized they had been gone for a long time and decided he should go back to the bullpen, before his absence raised too much questions. But before he left, there was something Gibbs needed to know.
"You didn’t answer to me."
"Huh?"
"Why didn’t you tell me at the time? Really."
Tony shrugged noncommittally.
"Out of habit, I guess. I’ve taken care of myself since I was twelve, so it seemed… logical."
"Well, you’re not alone anymore, so you’d better break yourself of that habit. Is that clear?"
Tony grinned and this time it reached his eyes.
"Crystal clear, Boss."
With a curt nod, Gibbs turned around and headed towards the door of the stairwell, but Tony didn’t follow him.
"I think I’ll stay here a bit longer," he said. "If you don’t mind."
Gibbs turned his head, and gave him a quick smile.
"Take your time."
Tony nodded gratefully.
"Thanks."
He stood there for a while, gazing at the people who walked below him, unaware of his presence, until the sun disappeared behind the skyline. Then, slowly, he unfolded his tall frame, took a deep breath and plastered his usual mask on his face, feeling ready to face the world once again.
To be continued