Can't we Pretend?
Title:Can't we Pretend?
Pairing: MomoTaro (Tsugunaga Momoko x Morimoto Ryutaro)
Notes: This fic is a first in the [Stars] series, part of my birthday writing self-challenge. Credits to [Hotaru no Hikari 2] Episode 2 for being a big help in inspiring me in this story :)
Summary:Stars are up there for a reason, just as all people live in this world for a purpose.
Conversations impossible to be understood by other people. An army of secrets, yet nothing is left out. They hang by a thread, dangling over the fragile border between friendship and not-friendship, something more and nothing at all. Ten thousand answers to a hundred million questions, always a lot but never enough. This is how they exist since they met. Common sense pointed out that whatever they have between them right now was forbidden. Both of their agencies have unspoken rules, clearly outlining that what they are currently doing is wrong. Every rule is supposed to be followed... unless, you have a better reason to disobey it. It was a dare that they mutually accepted, a risk that they mutually took. From the moment that both their hearts skipped a beat when they first saw each other, everything logical flew out of the window. That whispered confession, phone calls at ungodly hours, and secret meetings under the safe cloak of night's darkness... These were the things that brought them closer to pass the point of even caring... pass the point of no return. All or nothing. Now or never.
It was her turn to set the meeting place; another secret hideout for another secret memory. His phone lighted up, signaling that a message was received... a signal that the dare was once again in motion. He read her message, a grin lifting the corner of his lips.
Typical of her to choose this spot, he wryly thought to himself. Grabbing his coat and scarf, he headed out, telling his brother that he'll be late before he could find a reason to argue with him again. He started running before he was even conscious of what he's doing, his heart pounding in his chest and his pulse humming in his ears. Her message was still on display in his phone, her words guiding his path to the looming building in front of him.
She didn't even have to ask... he thought as he read her mail again.
"Stargazing at the studio where we met?"
...she knows that I'll come running anyway...
___________________________________________________________________________________
She was already there when he arrived, lying on the blanket she spread on the cold concrete floor of the rooftop. Her hand was stretched upwards, tracing unknown patterns at the warm midsummer night sky. With slow, quiet footsteps, he made his way towards her, still breathing heavily from his run. He sat down beside her; she, still tracing patterns in the sky; he, staring off into space. Even in the absence of conversation there was no embarrassed silence. It was soothingly familiar, making them forget about the buzz of the world around them. What comfort would they find in all the noise, anyway? Just being together like this was more than enough.
"It's a beautiful night..." she wistfully said, a smile on her lips and the stars in her eyes. She slowly closed her fist and brought it close to her heart. "It feels like if I stretch out my hand far enough, I could reach up and catch a star in my hands..."
"We don't even know if the stars we see are still there or not. For all we know, those lights that we call stars are already dead. Wishing and believing on something so impermanent... I don't understand why people could be like this..." he skeptically said. Laughter was her response, gentle and slightly chiding at his statement.
"Stars are up there for a reason, just as all people live in this world for a purpose. It's a thing we could never change or control... just like how we met each other. I don't know what happened, and maybe I will never understand. Not all the things you don't understand are wrong," she reminded him, laying a gentle finger on the bridge of his nose. He smiled despite himself, and she returned to her imaginary star catching. His hand began absentmindedly playing with her hair, spread over the blanket like a curtain of black silk.
"Ne..." she said softly, her hand momentarily stopping to point at a small star in the distance. "That star is beautiful, isn't it...?"
"Sou?" he answered absentmindedly, looking towards the direction she was pointing. She nodded her head and smiled, her eyes twinkling all the more. But you're more beautiful than any star out there... maybe because you're proof that it's not impossible to stand beside something so seemingly out of your reach... he thought to himself. These were the things that he had a hard time saying out loud. Outspoken as he may be, the words seemingly get stuck in his throat every time he tries to say them out loud.
"That small star...it's very small, but it's working very hard to shine." she mused. He snorted involuntarily at her statement, recalling his science lesson earlier that day.
"Ah, it's already gone," he said with a chuckle. Her hand stopped in midair and she turned her gaze towards him, her expression one of shocked disbelief.
"Huh?!"
"It's 230 million light years away, so you are looking 230 million years into the past. That little star has blown up and disappeared a long time ago," he said so matter-of-factly, it sounded just like a science teacher discussing astronomy to his students. She suddenly sat up and faced him with a furious expression on her face, assailing him with the full impact of the eyes he was admiring just a few moments ago.
"Mou! Why can't you be less serious and act more like your age?! Why can't you stop trying to be an adult all at once and enjoy youth as it is???" she said exasperatedly, pouting and visibly fuming, She tried to keep herself from shouting as they weren't supposed to do be stargazing at the rooftop in the first place, but her voice was shaking from barely suppressed anger as she spoke. "So much for trying to be romantic... Why did I even bother..."
"Hey wait a second, what got into you all of a sudden? What's wrong?!" he said in surprise, not quite understanding her sudden fury. He heard that faint note of hurt in her last statement and he felt his chest constricting, like somebody tied him up in spiked leather bands that were slowly tightening around him... his breath being slowly, painfully taken away from his lungs. Her eyes watered at his reply. Why can't he understand... why won't he understand...?
"That star is me!" she cried, throwing a weak punch at his chest. His eyes widened in surprise, staring at her hand that she left resting against his chest. It was trembling, shaking with the torrent of emotions that she had just let out.
"Wait a second, hold up a bit; that star is you?!" he asked in obvious confusion, gesturing vaguely at the starlit night sky above them towards the star she has singled out from more than about a billion others.
"Yes, that star is me! I don't want to go out. Even if I'm small, I want to shine. I want to shine at your side forever! Why can't you understand that?!" she cried. A tear escaped from between tightly closed eyelids
"Momoko-san..." he whispered quietly, looking at her back and at a loss for words.
"But... I can't... Of course, I've gone out and disappeared before I even reached your side..." she ended softly, more soft tears pouring down her cheeks. She sniffed and rubbed at her face with her sweater sleeve. For one long, immeasurable moment, there was silence except for her muffled sobs. He ran his hands through his hair in thought, sneaking glances at a crying Momoko. Her sobs softened to whimpers, winding down to a sniffling, yet quiet version of crying. He watched her quietly and slowly, cautiously closed the space between them. Slowly, cautiously he extended his hand to cover her shaking hands. When she didn't flinch away he then slowly, cautiously enfolded her in his embrace.
"Sorry for being... such an insensitive kid," he whispered to her ear, making her melt back into his arms. She smiled and shook her head.
"I liked the insensitive kid. But I love the insensitive kid with the imperfections the most. No one's perfect anyways. Just as the stars disappear from the sky when morning comes, we never really know whatwe're going to expect for tomorrow. That star may be dead as you say, but as long as we see its light, I'll still believe it's there. There's nothing wrong in believing isn't it?" she ended with a smile.
"Well technically not all stars disappear when morning comes; the Sun is a dwarf star--" Ryutaro began, closing his mouth when he caught Momoko's dark look. "Okay sorry. Science geek signing off. I listen to my teacher too much sometimes."
Momoko laughed, hugging the person that she has long since considered her personal sun. "Ne... if all the stars die out there and there's only one left, what would you wish if you had one chance?"
Ryutaro was quiet for a long time, staring out to the night sky that was slowly giving way to the fuzzy outlines of dawn. His eyes had a faraway look, searching for something. She simply watched him, and when he turned his gaze back to her his heart was telling her the words that he did not have to say... words that he said with the fading of the stars.
"I would wish that my star would never leave me... that the star I have in my arms right now would be more than enough, for as long as I can gaze in it to my heart's content."
"Then your star will never disappear then... your star will always be here. Can't we pretend that the star lives forever and it gets its happily ever after?"
"Why pretend? I love you to the moment infinity ends plus one. That should be more than enough. The stars can fade on us... but I won't disappear unless you want me to."
"Then you better not wait for it."
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish if you had one chance
Pairing: MomoTaro (Tsugunaga Momoko x Morimoto Ryutaro)
Notes: This fic is a first in the [Stars] series, part of my birthday writing self-challenge. Credits to [Hotaru no Hikari 2] Episode 2 for being a big help in inspiring me in this story :)
Summary:Stars are up there for a reason, just as all people live in this world for a purpose.
Conversations impossible to be understood by other people. An army of secrets, yet nothing is left out. They hang by a thread, dangling over the fragile border between friendship and not-friendship, something more and nothing at all. Ten thousand answers to a hundred million questions, always a lot but never enough. This is how they exist since they met. Common sense pointed out that whatever they have between them right now was forbidden. Both of their agencies have unspoken rules, clearly outlining that what they are currently doing is wrong. Every rule is supposed to be followed... unless, you have a better reason to disobey it. It was a dare that they mutually accepted, a risk that they mutually took. From the moment that both their hearts skipped a beat when they first saw each other, everything logical flew out of the window. That whispered confession, phone calls at ungodly hours, and secret meetings under the safe cloak of night's darkness... These were the things that brought them closer to pass the point of even caring... pass the point of no return. All or nothing. Now or never.
It was her turn to set the meeting place; another secret hideout for another secret memory. His phone lighted up, signaling that a message was received... a signal that the dare was once again in motion. He read her message, a grin lifting the corner of his lips.
Typical of her to choose this spot, he wryly thought to himself. Grabbing his coat and scarf, he headed out, telling his brother that he'll be late before he could find a reason to argue with him again. He started running before he was even conscious of what he's doing, his heart pounding in his chest and his pulse humming in his ears. Her message was still on display in his phone, her words guiding his path to the looming building in front of him.
She didn't even have to ask... he thought as he read her mail again.
"Stargazing at the studio where we met?"
...she knows that I'll come running anyway...
___________________________________________________________________________________
She was already there when he arrived, lying on the blanket she spread on the cold concrete floor of the rooftop. Her hand was stretched upwards, tracing unknown patterns at the warm midsummer night sky. With slow, quiet footsteps, he made his way towards her, still breathing heavily from his run. He sat down beside her; she, still tracing patterns in the sky; he, staring off into space. Even in the absence of conversation there was no embarrassed silence. It was soothingly familiar, making them forget about the buzz of the world around them. What comfort would they find in all the noise, anyway? Just being together like this was more than enough.
"It's a beautiful night..." she wistfully said, a smile on her lips and the stars in her eyes. She slowly closed her fist and brought it close to her heart. "It feels like if I stretch out my hand far enough, I could reach up and catch a star in my hands..."
"We don't even know if the stars we see are still there or not. For all we know, those lights that we call stars are already dead. Wishing and believing on something so impermanent... I don't understand why people could be like this..." he skeptically said. Laughter was her response, gentle and slightly chiding at his statement.
"Stars are up there for a reason, just as all people live in this world for a purpose. It's a thing we could never change or control... just like how we met each other. I don't know what happened, and maybe I will never understand. Not all the things you don't understand are wrong," she reminded him, laying a gentle finger on the bridge of his nose. He smiled despite himself, and she returned to her imaginary star catching. His hand began absentmindedly playing with her hair, spread over the blanket like a curtain of black silk.
"Ne..." she said softly, her hand momentarily stopping to point at a small star in the distance. "That star is beautiful, isn't it...?"
"Sou?" he answered absentmindedly, looking towards the direction she was pointing. She nodded her head and smiled, her eyes twinkling all the more. But you're more beautiful than any star out there... maybe because you're proof that it's not impossible to stand beside something so seemingly out of your reach... he thought to himself. These were the things that he had a hard time saying out loud. Outspoken as he may be, the words seemingly get stuck in his throat every time he tries to say them out loud.
"That small star...it's very small, but it's working very hard to shine." she mused. He snorted involuntarily at her statement, recalling his science lesson earlier that day.
"Ah, it's already gone," he said with a chuckle. Her hand stopped in midair and she turned her gaze towards him, her expression one of shocked disbelief.
"Huh?!"
"It's 230 million light years away, so you are looking 230 million years into the past. That little star has blown up and disappeared a long time ago," he said so matter-of-factly, it sounded just like a science teacher discussing astronomy to his students. She suddenly sat up and faced him with a furious expression on her face, assailing him with the full impact of the eyes he was admiring just a few moments ago.
"Mou! Why can't you be less serious and act more like your age?! Why can't you stop trying to be an adult all at once and enjoy youth as it is???" she said exasperatedly, pouting and visibly fuming, She tried to keep herself from shouting as they weren't supposed to do be stargazing at the rooftop in the first place, but her voice was shaking from barely suppressed anger as she spoke. "So much for trying to be romantic... Why did I even bother..."
"Hey wait a second, what got into you all of a sudden? What's wrong?!" he said in surprise, not quite understanding her sudden fury. He heard that faint note of hurt in her last statement and he felt his chest constricting, like somebody tied him up in spiked leather bands that were slowly tightening around him... his breath being slowly, painfully taken away from his lungs. Her eyes watered at his reply. Why can't he understand... why won't he understand...?
"That star is me!" she cried, throwing a weak punch at his chest. His eyes widened in surprise, staring at her hand that she left resting against his chest. It was trembling, shaking with the torrent of emotions that she had just let out.
"Wait a second, hold up a bit; that star is you?!" he asked in obvious confusion, gesturing vaguely at the starlit night sky above them towards the star she has singled out from more than about a billion others.
"Yes, that star is me! I don't want to go out. Even if I'm small, I want to shine. I want to shine at your side forever! Why can't you understand that?!" she cried. A tear escaped from between tightly closed eyelids
"Momoko-san..." he whispered quietly, looking at her back and at a loss for words.
"But... I can't... Of course, I've gone out and disappeared before I even reached your side..." she ended softly, more soft tears pouring down her cheeks. She sniffed and rubbed at her face with her sweater sleeve. For one long, immeasurable moment, there was silence except for her muffled sobs. He ran his hands through his hair in thought, sneaking glances at a crying Momoko. Her sobs softened to whimpers, winding down to a sniffling, yet quiet version of crying. He watched her quietly and slowly, cautiously closed the space between them. Slowly, cautiously he extended his hand to cover her shaking hands. When she didn't flinch away he then slowly, cautiously enfolded her in his embrace.
"Sorry for being... such an insensitive kid," he whispered to her ear, making her melt back into his arms. She smiled and shook her head.
"I liked the insensitive kid. But I love the insensitive kid with the imperfections the most. No one's perfect anyways. Just as the stars disappear from the sky when morning comes, we never really know whatwe're going to expect for tomorrow. That star may be dead as you say, but as long as we see its light, I'll still believe it's there. There's nothing wrong in believing isn't it?" she ended with a smile.
"Well technically not all stars disappear when morning comes; the Sun is a dwarf star--" Ryutaro began, closing his mouth when he caught Momoko's dark look. "Okay sorry. Science geek signing off. I listen to my teacher too much sometimes."
Momoko laughed, hugging the person that she has long since considered her personal sun. "Ne... if all the stars die out there and there's only one left, what would you wish if you had one chance?"
Ryutaro was quiet for a long time, staring out to the night sky that was slowly giving way to the fuzzy outlines of dawn. His eyes had a faraway look, searching for something. She simply watched him, and when he turned his gaze back to her his heart was telling her the words that he did not have to say... words that he said with the fading of the stars.
"I would wish that my star would never leave me... that the star I have in my arms right now would be more than enough, for as long as I can gaze in it to my heart's content."
"Then your star will never disappear then... your star will always be here. Can't we pretend that the star lives forever and it gets its happily ever after?"
"Why pretend? I love you to the moment infinity ends plus one. That should be more than enough. The stars can fade on us... but I won't disappear unless you want me to."
"Then you better not wait for it."
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish if you had one chance