emo-notic.
I am wilting limp and pale. mid-life crisis like. I keep feeling this THING WELLING UP INSIDE OF ME- PURE HELL ON THE STRAIGHTAWAY. I'm deteriorating beyond repair; I've become lame, unawares of the slightest hobble. I can't imagine for myself anymore. I shall not overcome because I can't even get up. of course, I am one to talk stupid, I am not old or homeless, I am not insane or incompetent. cheerful to be TYPICALLY DISILLUSIONED, feeling the starting tape red rover me back into unfinished business-land. Unopposed. loathe to be. For sure. hmmmmmmm- and one for my age, and one for being absolutely necessary to put myself into my own place. fuzzy fuzzy. quixotic. I don't mean to feel this way, it just happens and there is nothing I can do to stop it. feeling run over all the time- medical phenomena. Come take pictures! I STAY STILL FOR THIS CASKET! flat. ten. taking steps for myself as legs are made to do. I am upset because I have a mental barricade of sorts that I can't push past. I AM TRYING TO BUT IT WILL NOT GIVE WAY- lacking in skills to defend myself against my own. where did I get the prowess to build such a thing? I'm pretty upset with it. It doesn't want to move and rent? PAH- they keep paying in advance and how do I turn that down. my senses dwindling, my art for conversation SCREECHING TO A HALT, going reverse. IS THIS SOME DEEP SEATED EMO THAT WILL GO AWAY! I DO NOT WANT WHAT I CANNOT DESCRIBE- PRECISELY- I WANT WHAT I CANNOT DESCRIBE- softer around the edges. Apparently, I am on edge. EDGE. soften it up and let me faaalllllllll
I AM OKAY THOUGH. it's not like I'm losing IT here. I ATE IT. IT IS NOW A PART OF ME. ITME. if you wanna be smart, it's time but that's not correct. play anagrams. ONE IN THE SAME! I am waiting for it to kick in (maybe we shouldn't've done this you guys!) so I can start! I am just grappling with the Grappa, see, and, well, if you don't then I don't mind because this is going to be MY recollections of collecting memories. So I can remember them, blush furiously, and hopefully be past it. for some reason when I think about the past with pictures, movies, thoughts, I get really warm and scared feeling. I don't particularly like looking into my past. it makes me uncomfortable. seven years to change, a week to forget and feel like you are failing. or that I didn't like myself then. IT'S THE SAME: I am handling it better. stickers and all. twine, er, that gets stuck... so I wouldn't... but sa'right. DO YOU WANT THAT AGAIN huhhuhhuh
I hope when I hang out with Olivia and Eudira (PLEASE DONT BORE ME. IM SORRY. I AM DESPERATELY SEEKING COMPANIONSHIP WITH A FELLOW SLIGHTLY COMPLEX, TALKATIVE, INSIGHTFUL, RANDOM AND ABSTRACT THINKER but who isn't? I was getting so good about not cursing as much but NOW IM JUST FUCKTASTIC) my head will feel better and I will feel like the words that are being spoken aren't just that and no one cares or will care to do so. bugger. I'm watching old movies on TMC: the idea of romance ELUDES ME STILL. I am too young of mind to be seduced by such reality. this relationship has lasted a long, long time. He will never forget my birthday, however, since I crow about it weeks before. I love to celebrate any old thing. is it 'self esteem' that proves my adversary, as I can't withhold defenses against something I feel will either cheat on me or will find me uninteresting. I can't hold my own! I can, but I can't! I sit and watch old movies with one Thing on my mind. I can't seem to get past this. Perhaps I can be analyzed and you would tell me I didn't get enough love as a child. No pacifier? Suck on penis! THANKS!
all in all, I WISH my days would fly by and there I would be, meeting my perfect someone. Is this a cry of acceptance? Do I feel the need to be reassured by mindlessly wanting someone to connect with? Me, I, we, us, them. seclusion. I'll be a BAR HOPPING SKANK!? NO! where do you meet potential mates? Match.com!?!??! STARBUCKS!? SAY IT ISN'T SO! BETTER OFF DEAD AT THE BREAKFAST CLUB WITH ONE OF THE GUYS! AHHHHHHH well, except cops. I would randomly do a hot cop. Just once though. for the authority issues. haha - I'm going to grow more and I'll be the oneTM for someone else. I already have been but I shot it down, because, well, emo isn't my thing. I want it to be! I want to be sappy and 'AWWW darling' but it's FAKE FOR ME. I want to be "Arrr, darling" and playful chest and nip slaps and sex games, bites and good cooking, colorful attire and decor and try an orgy. with clever observations and stupidly silly jokes and big smiles. I want to roll around the world and not hear about having sex all the time when the fun runs dry. I want to not get bitched at for going out and I want to come back that night or day to get cuddled! I DONT THINK ITS GOING TO HAPPEN! surely the man would skip happily astray thinking of the past good times and why his woman has appeared to lose interest in what is 'old news'. should I find a life friend who cuddles? perhaps, women would be different but I really. really. doubt it.
I AM OKAY THOUGH. it's not like I'm losing IT here. I ATE IT. IT IS NOW A PART OF ME. ITME. if you wanna be smart, it's time but that's not correct. play anagrams. ONE IN THE SAME! I am waiting for it to kick in (maybe we shouldn't've done this you guys!) so I can start! I am just grappling with the Grappa, see, and, well, if you don't then I don't mind because this is going to be MY recollections of collecting memories. So I can remember them, blush furiously, and hopefully be past it. for some reason when I think about the past with pictures, movies, thoughts, I get really warm and scared feeling. I don't particularly like looking into my past. it makes me uncomfortable. seven years to change, a week to forget and feel like you are failing. or that I didn't like myself then. IT'S THE SAME: I am handling it better. stickers and all. twine, er, that gets stuck... so I wouldn't... but sa'right. DO YOU WANT THAT AGAIN huhhuhhuh
I hope when I hang out with Olivia and Eudira (PLEASE DONT BORE ME. IM SORRY. I AM DESPERATELY SEEKING COMPANIONSHIP WITH A FELLOW SLIGHTLY COMPLEX, TALKATIVE, INSIGHTFUL, RANDOM AND ABSTRACT THINKER but who isn't? I was getting so good about not cursing as much but NOW IM JUST FUCKTASTIC) my head will feel better and I will feel like the words that are being spoken aren't just that and no one cares or will care to do so. bugger. I'm watching old movies on TMC: the idea of romance ELUDES ME STILL. I am too young of mind to be seduced by such reality. this relationship has lasted a long, long time. He will never forget my birthday, however, since I crow about it weeks before. I love to celebrate any old thing. is it 'self esteem' that proves my adversary, as I can't withhold defenses against something I feel will either cheat on me or will find me uninteresting. I can't hold my own! I can, but I can't! I sit and watch old movies with one Thing on my mind. I can't seem to get past this. Perhaps I can be analyzed and you would tell me I didn't get enough love as a child. No pacifier? Suck on penis! THANKS!
all in all, I WISH my days would fly by and there I would be, meeting my perfect someone. Is this a cry of acceptance? Do I feel the need to be reassured by mindlessly wanting someone to connect with? Me, I, we, us, them. seclusion. I'll be a BAR HOPPING SKANK!? NO! where do you meet potential mates? Match.com!?!??! STARBUCKS!? SAY IT ISN'T SO! BETTER OFF DEAD AT THE BREAKFAST CLUB WITH ONE OF THE GUYS! AHHHHHHH well, except cops. I would randomly do a hot cop. Just once though. for the authority issues. haha - I'm going to grow more and I'll be the oneTM for someone else. I already have been but I shot it down, because, well, emo isn't my thing. I want it to be! I want to be sappy and 'AWWW darling' but it's FAKE FOR ME. I want to be "Arrr, darling" and playful chest and nip slaps and sex games, bites and good cooking, colorful attire and decor and try an orgy. with clever observations and stupidly silly jokes and big smiles. I want to roll around the world and not hear about having sex all the time when the fun runs dry. I want to not get bitched at for going out and I want to come back that night or day to get cuddled! I DONT THINK ITS GOING TO HAPPEN! surely the man would skip happily astray thinking of the past good times and why his woman has appeared to lose interest in what is 'old news'. should I find a life friend who cuddles? perhaps, women would be different but I really. really. doubt it.