Brotherhood (21b/27)
Title: Brotherhood ( Table of Contents)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize is mine. I gain nothing of material value from this.
Pairings: Gen
Chapter1 Chapter2a-- 2b Chapter3 Chapter4 Chapter5 Chapter6 Chapter7 Chapter8 Chapter9 Chapter10a-- 10b Chapter11 Chapter12 Chapter13a-- 13b Chapter14 Chapter15 Chapter16a-- 16b Chapter17a-- 17b Chapter18 Chapter19a-- 19b Chapter20 Chapter21a-- 21b
11 May 2000; Control Room, SGC; 0900 hrs
"P5C-768," Sergeant Harriman announced. "Edora. Chevron one--engaged."
Daniel folded his arms. Sam and Teal'c were in the 'gate room, as were the general and even Janet. Daniel almost wanted to walk away, the way Jack was walking up the ramp without turning around to see them, but part of him was still certain that it was a misunderstanding--Jack was going to turn around at the top of the ramp and say he was just kidding.
Jack walked through the event horizon. The wormhole closed. Daniel walked away and wished he'd never mentioned retiring on Edora after all.
"Mr. Jackson," Major Pendleton said, passing him in the halls, "SG-5 leaves in an hour."
"Yes, sir," Daniel said. "I'll be ready."
XXXXX
13 May 2000; PK5-207; 0900 hrs
SG-5 was a first-line research team. They were, therefore, experienced at exploring new planets, but they specialized in ones that looked from telemetry like they could be good research sites, or places that the engineers wanted to examine. They ran into hostiles sometimes, but they weren't one of the teams that usually walked deliberately into combat. They were, however, very used to accepting temporary researchers, and Daniel had an advantage of experience over other civilians if they ran into combat, too. They were generally easy-going and straight-forward, and Daniel fit in with them well enough to pass.
"So, Daniel," Lieutenant Dean Barber said as they made their way back to the Stargate after an easy, two-day reconnaissance and salvage mission, "what do you make of this?" As Captain Lithell reached the DHD and started dialing, Barber reached down to the FRED to pull out one of the stone carvings they'd found as they walked together toward the open wormhole. "I mean, look at how it was carved. Have you ever tried stonework before?"
Daniel looked more closely. "Not really..."
"Look how it's cut against the grain. If the structure is as crystalline as it looks, that should cause some flaws, and considering how smooth it is..."
"There are tests we can run to make better guesses about the carving techniques used," Captain Lithell put in. "Jackson, have you ever used the SEM?"
"The S...what?" Daniel said.
"Scanning electron microscope. We can use it as a way of looking at surface features on stone."
"Oh, I've read about that," Daniel said, recognizing the term now. "There was an article earlier this year--well, it was about crystal skulls, but they were using the same technique. You mean the...making a mold of the surface and--"
"Yeah, that's what I mean," Lithell said, looking amused as they walked into the wormhole.
"Crystal skulls?" Barber added. "You reading up on pseudoarchae--?"
...x...
13 May 2000; Embarkation Room, SGC; 0910 hrs
"--ology these days?" he finished as he stepped out.
Daniel shrugged. "I was reading some works by a certain researcher and kept stumbling across it, so I looked it up. Besides, Dean, this program was founded on so-called pseudoarchaeology."
"Point. Lab 4 on Level 20," Barber added to an airman, carefully handing over their find to go through the standard decontamination protocols. Daniel handed his sidearm over absently and stood for the radiation checks. "I can show you how the 'scope works, Daniel, and a few things about the material structure. It's really pretty interes--"
Someone cleared his throat loudly. Daniel looked up, noticing that Major Pendleton had finished reporting to General Hammond.
And Jack was standing at the bottom of the ramp.
"Dismissed, SG-5," the general said. "Mr. Jackson, we'd like a word, please."
Daniel waited for SG-5 to walk past him and looked from Jack to the general, lost. "Why?" he said.
The general looked surprised. "You've been requested to return to SG-1, under Colonel O'Neill's command."
"D'you miss me?" Jack said.
Did you miss me. That was it?
"The Tollan won't be happy that we failed to punish the perpetrator of high crimes against them, General," Daniel said, because what else was there to say?
"C'mon," Jack said, gesturing him down the ramp.
Daniel eyed him and didn't move.
"There was no crime on the part of Colonel O'Neill," General Hammond said when they were still there several seconds later. Jack's expression turned more uncertain as the general explained, "This was an operation planned out with my knowledge and with the knowledge of the Tollan, the Asgard, the Tok'ra, and the Nox."
"Uh-huh," Daniel said. Planned. It had been planned. Jack was innocent.
"Technology has been stolen from all of those peoples over the past few months. It wasn't until the last few weeks that the Tollan and the Asgard have both procured evidence that we, the SGC, have been stealing technology from them."
Daniel couldn't help glancing at Jack, remembering how betrayed they'd all felt watching Jack take the Tollan disarming device.
"We convinced them that it must be the work of a group from outside the SGC," the general continued, "so they agreed to hold off action against us, provided that we apprehended the criminals ourselves."
"Then...on Tollana..." Daniel said, turning to Jack, "that was planned."
"Yeah," Jack said. "And then the rogue group--they were an NID offshoot--decided I had the right sort of moral code and recruited me."
"Because you thought Sam or Teal'c or I might have been the real criminal," Daniel said flatly.
"Because your reactions had to be genuine," General Hammond said. Daniel couldn't tell if he felt apologetic or satisfied or if this was just something the military did. Maybe this was one of those black operations Sam had talked to him about, he decided--one of the ones the military could deny telling Jack to do if it didn't work--and it hadn't involved nuking innocent civilians, but it still hurt because Daniel had been able to believe it could have been so much worse--he'd begun to believe it of Jack. He wondered what Sam and Teal'c thought and whether he was the only one who felt like he'd been gutted a few times over the last several days. "The Asgard insisted that Colonel O'Neill be the only one involved."
"They like me," Jack reminded him with a sheepish half-smile and a shrug.
Daniel nodded, shifting uncomfortably. "So the appeal Sam and I drafted for the Tollan...we only did that so Jack could..." He gestured toward the Stargate. "That was all to trick us."
"There was no choice," the general said. "But I wasn't lying when I said your recent work on diplomatic matters has impressed me."
Daniel had nothing to say in answer to that.
They'd been doing good, he told himself. There had been criminals to catch, and Jack and Hammond had caught them. Jack was the face of the SGC to the galaxy, but Hammond was its head, and they'd done what their jobs had demanded of them. There was no reason for Daniel to feel like the ground had become suddenly tenuous under his feet.
"It's good to be back, I'll say that," Jack said, trying to inject energy into the conversation. "Just got back last night, you know."
"Who was it?" Daniel said, not answering either of them. "Who was heading the rogue NID operation?"
"Oh, you're gonna love this one," Jack said.
And since it was something to do with the NID and Jack sounded so very smug about it, Daniel guessed, "Colonel Maybourne?"
"Maybourne," Jack said at the same time, then blinked. The general exchanged a look with him, smiled at both of them, and left, gesturing for them to leave the embarkation room, as well. Daniel finally stepped down the ramp to follow them. "Anyway, I guess it was a mistake to put Maybourne back into the thick of things after the foothold incident. He had one of the Goa'uld communication balls--"
"The ones they told Sam they never managed to reverse-engineer?" Daniel clarified.
"Yeah. Either someone was lying to Carter, or the researchers didn't know everything. Maybourne had a couple of his own engineers, you know. We didn't get him--"
"You didn't get him?" After all that.
"He must've been tipped off," Jack said, "but at least he'll never be put into a position of power again. And his contact here at the SGC was Robert Makepeace."
Daniel stopped in the doorway. "What?"
"Yeah," Jack said. "Never thought it'd be him."
Even that hurt, Daniel found. He hadn't liked Makepeace at all, but the man had been a colonel in the US Marine Corps, a senior officer in the SGC, and a commander who had fought and won many battles against Goa'uld forces with his own team. And he was a traitor. "Well. I suppose you didn't know him as well as you thought," Daniel said, continuing on.
"Ah...yeah," Jack said, loping forward to catch up. "Listen, that stuff I was talking about in my house--our house," he corrected himself, looking nervous, even though it was Jack's house and both of them always called it that. "Um...the place was bugged. They were listening, maybe watching us. I had to keep up the act."
Logical. Reasonable. Consistent with the data. Daniel nodded, biting his tongue hard.
"I had to get you to leave," Jack went on. "Maybourne knows a lot about you, you know that. He wouldn't've tried to approach me if you'd still been there, or if he thought I was sympathetic to your ideals--"
"My ideals," Daniel said.
"Our ideals," Jack said quickly. "Definitely...our. Why do you think I tried so hard to get you to stay on base that day instead of coming home? I argued to keep you out of this whole mess somehow, but there was no way...we knew you wouldn't leave it alone. So I had to keep up the act and convince you to leave, which..."
"No, it's..." Okay? Not really. "I understand," Daniel said. "Orders. I had a talk with Sam about this."
"Wait, you two knew it was an act?"
"No," he said, and immediately, he wondered if she'd known. Had Sam played the dutiful airman because it was her job, or had she realized, too, that Jack had been following orders and decided not to tell Daniel? "We were, uh, talking about...morality. What it's acceptable to do."
Jack winced almost imperceptibly, as if he knew exactly where that conversation had gone. And then Daniel wondered if there had been another reason for using Jack other than the Asgard's wishes--if the house had already been bugged by then, it must have been bugged before. What if Maybourne had known more about Jack's moral code and previous actions and had been watching and hoping for a chance to recruit anyway? What if the Tollan debacle hadn't been what caught the NID's attention--what if it had been just the push over the edge after fifteen years of redacted missions Daniel wasn't allowed to know about?
"And obviously, what I said about us having nothing in common..." Jack started, then looked frustrated. "I had to get you to leave. That's it."
No, Daniel thought. That wasn't 'it.' There had been truth in there, and they both knew it. "Right," he said, stumbling for words. "Yeah, obviously, it's...you don't have to...yeah, I, uh, I know."
"Yeah?" Jack said. "Because I feel kinda... I appreciate your sitting through so much of that crap before you walked out. And then I kept imagining you getting mugged on the street on the way to...w-wait--where are you going?"
Jack had stopped at the SG-1 locker room. "I'm in SG-5's room," Daniel said, pointing. "I have to return equipment and go through some analysis with Captain Lithell and Lieutenant Barber, anyway."
"Bu--the--ah...right," Jack said, somehow looking like he'd slumped without actually moving at all. Something in his expression, perhaps. "I'll...catch up with you later."
XXXXX
13 May 2000; Archaeology Office, SGC; 1300 hrs
It felt almost like an ambush, except that Daniel had known Jack would be waiting for him as long as the archaeology office was empty. "Hi," he said.
"Hello," Jack said. Daniel folded his arms and leaned back against his desk. "Do we need to...?"
"I get it," Daniel said.
"O-kay," Jack said, "because..." He stopped. "Okay. Is there something...?"
Daniel rubbed his eyes, not wanting to ask but needing to know--"You've done things like this before."
Jack raised his eyebrows. "I told you once, didn't I? You go undercover, you end up having to do some distasteful things."
"I'm not...I get it, Jack," Daniel repeated stiffly. "No one died, the criminals were caught, the Tollan and the Asgard won't sever ties with us. Success. Fine."
"Clearly, not fine," Jack said slowly.
"Well, I'm just wondering how distasteful your orders have to get before you decide they're too distasteful to follow."
"It doesn't work like that," he answered, impatient and offended. "Nothing I've done over the last couple of weeks was illegal; whatever it looked like, I had direct orders to steal things with the knowledge of the people from whom I was stealing."
"Not this time, then. What if you'd been asked to do something worse?"
"For--what do you want from me, Daniel?" Jack exploded, pushing the door shut.
"An answer!" Daniel nearly yelled back, then lowered his voice. "I want to know whether this can happen again"--Jack opened his mouth and Daniel raised his voice again over it--"because this is my job now, not just a temporary, personal mission, and I want to know if I picked a life where any of us can be ordered to--"
"No!" Jack interrupted, just as angry now. "But there are missions that need to get done. You can refuse if it's too damned distasteful for you; some of us don't have that luxury!"
Daniel clamped his jaw together, tapping a finger against the top of his desk.
Jack let out a quick breath of air, pacing. "And sometimes, maybe that's a good thing," he said, slightly more calmly. "That's your job. It doesn't mean you get to judge me for doing my job so you don't have to."
"Oh, please," Daniel said, pushing himself away from the desk. "You think it's easier for civilians? You have your orders. If we do something wrong, then we should have known better, except you people think we're such...such soft-handed innocents that we can't be trusted to do our job because we're not military, even though we've been out there risking our lives and making those decisions with you, and we're not trusted to have a valid opinion outside of following your orders in the first place!"
"'You people?'" Jack repeated, his face darkening. "Now I'm one of--"
"Aren't you?"
"When did you stop being one of us?"
"I never have been," Daniel said, and while he'd always known there was a separation between him and everyone else for several reasons, part of him hurt to understand it fully. "I've tried for years to be one of you people, and then I found out what that means!"
"It means I did what I had to do to get you out of my house," Jack said angrily. "Do you know what covert means, Daniel? It means no one is allowed to know--for my safety, for your safety, for the SGC's protection, and for the sake of the mission. I was protecting you, Daniel!"
"What if you'd been with Colonel Maybourne's team and he gave you an order?" Daniel said. "You can steal technology for the cause, yeah? Can you fight an innocent person guarding it? What if you had to kill him, or what if it was five people?"
"That didn't happen," Jack said. It wasn't a yes. More importantly, it wasn't a no.
"What if you could kill Apophis and his armies, but you had to destroy a planet to do it?"
"What the hell? That's not even relevant to--"
"It is!" Daniel snapped. "It almost happened with Ra, didn't it? My people! My family! That's how all of this started, and it could happen again--what if someone gave you that order? Someone could give you that order. I have to know where you draw the line, Jack!"
"There is no line, Daniel!" Jack exclaimed, leaning forward until Daniel barely stopped himself from flinching. "It's never as simple as drawing a line that'll fit everything, so it's up to us to figure out where it goes every damn time. You wanna know what happens when someone gives me that order? I take Merrin to the playground."
Daniel almost took a physical step back. They'd never spoken of Orban in the months since the Averium SG-1 had witnessed. Daniel had followed orders to help a man take away the mind of a child, and they would never agree about who had been right. But hadn't Daniel told Sam less than two weeks ago that SG-1's answer to an order with no right choice was to find another way? Both of them had disobeyed orders in the past to do what they'd thought was right, and they'd both also followed orders that had felt wrong.
Jack backed off, walking agitatedly to the door, but he turned around instead of leaving, spreading his hands. "So are you gonna work that out with us or leave us people to blow up the next civilization we find?"
Daniel wasn't sure how something could sound like an invitation and an insult and a demand for an apology all at once. And because there was no way to answer all of that all at once, he started, "I don't think you're right all the time--"
"Surprise," Jack scoffed, his expression defensive again. "But next time you start arguing a point of semantics in the middle of a firefight--"
"See?" Daniel said, gesturing sharply. "That's what I mean! When have I ever done that? None of the civilians here would, and if they did, I'd be the first to recommend that they be kept firmly behind a desk, and Robert would be right behind him!"
"I didn't mean it literally, for cryin' out loud!"
"But it's what you think! We're not stupid or naïve or, or--or incompetent just because we don't wear a rank on our lapels and say 'yes, sir' to every--"
"And we're not mindless, amoral killing machines because we do!" Jack retorted. "You think civilians are the only ones who get crap around here? Wake up, Daniel! You're a walking definition of gray areas--you should know better than anyone that nothing is as simple as black and white."
Once silence fell again, Daniel couldn't figure out where the argument had led and how they'd gotten to here. "What do we have in common, Jack?"
"For the last time, it was an act!" Jack burst out.
"Maybe it was," Daniel said defiantly. "Maybe you just did what was necessary, and...and maybe I can understand that. Fine. So answer the damn question."
Jack stared at him. At first Daniel thought it was the language--he didn't swear in English often. Then Jack stared a little longer, and he couldn't pretend it was anything but a lack of answer. Daniel nodded, plunging his hands into his pockets and waiting for Jack to walk away.
Instead, Jack said, "A mission, a team--for cryin' out loud, Daniel, three years! That doesn't count?"
And it was true--there really was very little other than circumstance that they had in common. Maybe that was enough, but... "I need to know something," Daniel said. "Which one of us was the suspect?"
Jack had the gall to look confused for a moment before realizing what he meant. "None of you, Daniel; we didn't have one."
"Really?" Daniel challenged. "Maybe not Sam, but two aliens, one of whom used to be First Prime to an enemy and the other of whom is an impulsive child who was off-world for weeks just a few months ago, living with two former hosts--you're honestly going to tell me Teal'c and I weren't the main suspects?"
"They didn't tell me who the suspect was, if they even had one," Jack said defensively. "And--"
"Did you suspect us, Jack!"
"--and I told them none of you would be it! It's just that it would've looked a lot more suspicious if all of us turned at once, and your reactions were what really sold the whole thing."
Then the rest of them had been part of the plan, too. They'd been used, like Jack had been, but they hadn't been allowed to know about it. Jack had used them. He'd had to make Daniel leave the house, he'd said, but he'd known, too, exactly how to do it--how to manipulate Daniel into it--without even having to say 'get out.'
More than anything, that was why this hurt, Daniel thought. General Hammond--their general--had ordered Jack to turn on them. And orders or no, right or wrong, ruse or paranoia, Jack had done just that.
"Carter's worried about you," Jack said. Surprised, Daniel looked up. "Says you've been pissed off. A lot. Apparently, Teal'c's been spoiling for a fight, too, but he can take care of himself. You weren't here when I got back, and I was afraid you'd gone back to Abydos..."
"I left Abydos."
"Well, you've left here before, too."
"I came back," Daniel said, trying not to grit his teeth, because he could have stayed on Abydos with his family. Jack knew what that meant to him, and yet, Jack's name was all it had taken to pull Daniel away from them, perhaps for good. "I have a job here, and it's not just to be an extension of your team. I gave my word to serve the SGC, and I'm not going to run back home even if I can't be SG-1. General Hammond knows my position here isn't temporary anymore. Everyone knows it now. I was here doing my job for the last four months, Jack; you weren't."
Jack's fists clenched, and if Daniel had been any calmer, he might have felt guilty for saying it. None of that was Jack's fault. He'd only meant that he had stayed even though he'd known Jack might be gone forever, but he didn't speak up to clarify. He wasn't going to be accused of being less than completely committed to the SGC, not after what he'd chosen to give up. "Well," Jack said finally. "I just want to know you're not about to have a meltdown if I give you an order you don't like."
"So I should just take an order and accept it, no argument allowed, is that it?" Daniel snapped back.
Jack stabbed a finger toward him. "You want to dish crap out at me, go ahead, but don't leave Carter in the crossfire. And what the hell do you think you're doing, mouthing off to someone like Makepeace? Jesus, Daniel, the man was dangerous, and he's never liked you, and that was before he was Hammond's senior officer on base. Were you trying to get on the XO's bad side?" Daniel looked away, because he did have to apologize for snapping at Sam. "Now," Jack said, more quietly, "I won't ask what's going on with you, because I know it's been rough. But you're better than this."
"I'm better," Daniel echoed, almost wanting to laugh at the irony of that argument coming from Jack now, of all times. He'd thought they were both better, together.
"If anything happens to me or anyone, that sucks, okay? But you take it in, and you move on. You know that by now. One person's actions can't--"
"Jack, don't you understand?" Daniel interrupted. "Teal'c turned for you--he turned on his life, his wife and his son, his god. I left my family because I believed in you--in what you...meant to us. What did you think was going to happen if you took that away? And you wonder why we might be upset?"
There was a long silence as he forced himself not to look down, made himself look Jack in the eye and see the hesitation that flickered in Jack's returning gaze. "That's not... You can't make this about me. I won't be here forever, Daniel."
Shoving that uneasy idea aside, Daniel said, "It's not that. Jack, you're the man we followed here. Whether or not you're physically here, you know what you represent. To Abydos, to the Jaffa. To us. We trusted you and your ideals, and if that can't be trusted, then we came to Earth for a lie. Do you get it?"
Jack looked uncharacteristically uncertain. "That's not fair," he said.
"I know," Daniel said honestly. If there was one thing he'd learned in the past year, it was this. "As it turns out, a lot of things aren't fair. They just are."
When there was no response, he turned and passed an eye over the documents left on his desk. An unfinished translation, a list of newly found artifacts to catalogue, notes for the negotiation with the Tollan... Daniel pressed his lips together and opened a drawer. He opened the wrong one first, then opened the one below to push his papers inside.
"You keep a weapon in your desk?" Jack said, catching the first drawer before it could close and hide the zat'nik'tel from sight. "Since when?"
"Since the Mountain was locked down three months ago," Daniel said, picking up the zat. Jack raised his eyebrows. "It took two days for SG units to identify and contain some creature that had come back through the 'gate with another team. Routine precaution--harmless, as it turned out--but no one knew which level it was on, so everyone certified to carry a weapon was expected to be ready and alert. And I was technically SG-1 at the time, so even though we'd been stood down..." He gestured. "It's signed out in my name and registered to this office. You can check with the armory if you're concerned."
"I didn't mean--" Jack started. "I'm sure it's in order, I trust...you." The end of the sentence trailed away.
Daniel fingered the weapon and set it back down where it would be easy to grab quickly. "Jack. We're at war--all the time, technically. I know things can't always be ideal."
"I did my job," Jack said warily. Daniel nodded. "Then are you still angry?"
"You just came back a few hours ago, Jack," Daniel snapped, "and expected me to..." He looked away and deflated, feeling oddly exhausted. "I've...realized a lot of things these last couple of weeks."
He pushed the drawer shut and didn't know whether to look up.
"All right," Jack said at last. "Well, I'm back now--the team's back to how we were before."
Before. Nothing had been remotely normal for nearly half a year, and things were changing so quickly that Daniel was startled to realize he wasn't sure what 'normal' was supposed to be for them anymore. "What about Major Wade?"
"He's taking over command of SG-3," Jack said, and even that was a blow. Makepeace was--had been--the only officer other than Jack who had kept command of the same SG team since the start of the program. Dozens of SG personnel were alive only because Makepeace had led SG-3 through fire to rescue them. He'd served well--or so Daniel had thought, and now it was just one more thing he couldn't be certain about. "So. No missions for us four this week. Next briefing is the Wednesday after that. Hammond never processed your transfer papers--he knew this was all temporary. You still want off?"
Daniel sighed. "I've never wanted off," he said quietly.
"You left your key on the table at home," Jack said suddenly. He stuck a hand into his pocket and placed something on Daniel's desk.
"I remember that," Daniel said, but what he remembered most was the realization that a place he'd come to think of as a home was Jack's, not his, and that there would always be a vulnerability implicit there. The office was safer. Here, the desk was his. He belonged here as long as he kept earning the right to it, and he earned it each day. It was harder to claim a right to something someone gave him out of kindness rather than merit.
"You coming home?" Jack said, as if reading his thoughts. "We're off duty this afternoon."
"I've got work."
"Daniel..." Jack said, looking frustrated.
"I've got work!" Daniel insisted, gesturing toward his desktop. "There was a huge backlog by the time you were on Edora, and then everyone was busy. And there's an Asgard...they sent us something like...like a Rosetta Stone after the summit last year, and since I've worked on Asgard script before and I'm supposed to be on the team of the only person the Asgard trust, that's my responsibility, too. So I'm trying to put together an Asgard dictionary and grammar, and working on the Ancient tablet we found on Abydos, along with the rest of our normal--"
"Are you kidding me?" Jack said. "You don't think that counts as overworking?"
Daniel set a hand firmly on the surface of his desk. "I follow two chains of command, Jack, and you're not in this one."
Jack looked like he was going to yell something back, and then stopped, looking confused. "An Ancient tablet on Abydos? When did that happen?"
And he hadn't known because Daniel hadn't talked to him--really talked--in months, and now they were standing here shouting at each other like Jack hadn't been part of the only thing holding Daniel together over the last couple of years.
"Yeah," he said. The word came out clipped, sharp, and he took a breath. "Skaara and I were...very excited when we found it. It was a...a really big thing. There's just been no time. I guess I never got to tell you about it."
"Are you gonna tell me now?"
"You don't have to pretend you're interested."
"I wanna hear about it!" Jack insisted. "I missed a lot on Edora."
Daniel looked up and found Jack looking thoroughly miserable under the anger and offense he still wore, because Jack had been used, too--the only difference was that he'd known about it, and that it had happened right after he'd finally come home after thinking he'd never be home again. "Yes. Okay. Just...not right now. I need to finish...well, my report from today, and Dean Barber was going to work on some things with me."
Jack fell silent. "That wasn't me," he said after a moment. "All of that. You know it wasn't."
"I know," Daniel said, despite the part of him that said it had been Jack--it was the part that said the mission came first, even before his team. The priorities were clear to Jack: his mission, then his team, and then himself. And there wasn't really any way to fault him for that, not really--Daniel understood the mission superseded the individual--but he couldn't quite manage to drop it. Being hurt by an enemy was one thing; knowing a friend was willing to do so was quite another, whether or not it was for the cause. Knowing that Jack had lied to them to protect them instead of trusting them to watch his back like they were supposed to...
Because they'd done that for him, after the incident on Tollana. They could've--should've stopped him from stealing the device, should've protested more, should've reported it at the debrief, and they had stayed silent. We would've, Sam had said, once we realized what was going on...yet, for nothing but loyalty and despite knowing it was wrong, they given Jack the benefit of the doubt until the story had come out. Daniel wasn't sure even now that it had been the right thing to do, morally, but they had and would again. Jack could have trusted them, and he hadn't.
Daniel didn't know what to feel. He swallowed. "Are you...are you okay?"
For a minute, there was no answer, and Daniel wondered why he was having such a hard time today meeting Jack's eyes. "Yeah," Jack said.
"You should go home and get some rest," he said, not knowing what else to offer. "You don't have to wait for me. You've had a long..." Day? Week? Year?
"I'm sorry," Jack said quietly. "I would never have said those things--done those things if I didn't have to."
Daniel looked up again. "I'm sorry, too. I should never have believed you would have."
"Well, that was the point," Jack said. "If you hadn't believed it, it wouldn't've--"
"That's not an excuse," Daniel said tightly. "We're a team. We know each other better than this. I thought."
"I knew you well enough to find a way to keep you safe from this," Jack said.
"Then you could have found a way for us to help," Daniel said. He took a deep, slow breath. "Do you trust us or not?"
"Don't be stupid," Jack said, because the answer was 'yes,' but he meant that he'd never doubt any of their loyalties or good intentions. That wasn't what Daniel meant. "It's not about that."
"No," Daniel allowed. "It's about what'll happen next time."
Jack raised his eyebrows. "Next time?"
"You think there won't be a next time?" Daniel said. "Apophis has an enormous army, we killed his queen and son and turned his general, and he hates us. A lot of powerful people hate us, and we don't have a strategy to win. You think things will run smoothly from now on?"
"Well, that's grim," Jack started. "I--"
"You trust us," Daniel said again. "Jack, that's what has to happen next time. We trust each other, and then we help."
Jack was staring at him with a look on his face that Daniel didn't recognize. "Yeah," Jack said, although it sounded like an acknowledgement of the sentiment, not an agreement. Daniel couldn't tell if he agreed.
"It's over," Daniel said. "Now. It's over?"
"Yeah. So can we...?" Jack started to gesture toward the door, then stopped and dropped his hand.
"Sometime later?" Daniel said. "Tomorrow, maybe--"
"I can wait," Jack said. "I'll drive you home when you're done with the...whatever you're doing. I don't want you walking--geez, it's gotta be almost an hour's walk down Norad to the closest bus stop. C'mon."
"I wasn't going to walk to the bus stop tonight," Daniel said.
"Daniel, look," Jack started, and then he stopped. "Come on," he said again, more quietly, and this time it sounded like 'please.'
And so, because he'd largely been making excuses, and because he was not going to be kicked out of his home because he was hiding from Jack, and because Jack had made an offer and bargaining rituals everywhere dictated that Daniel had to match the offer with his own, Daniel sighed and said, "I...can ask Dean to show me the microscope on Monday. Just let me get some things to work on at home."
"I can wait," Jack said, but, "You sure?"
No. "Yes," Daniel said. "Just give me a minute. I'll, uh...I'll be right there."
"Are we good?"
"Yeah," Daniel said.
"Are you lying?"
Yi shay. Daniel pushed down a surge of irritation and said, "Maybe."
"You want me to grovel?" Jack said. Daniel looked up in annoyance, knowing things turned into jokes with Jack and hating it just then. "Yeah, I wasn't gonna. But I'll...let you talk about naquadah all day. Or rocks or whatever."
"I've just got a lot to think about," Daniel said, not taking the bait.
"Are we going to be...?" Jack's finger bounced between himself and Daniel.
"I'm on your team," Daniel said. "We have to be." He'd meant it as an affirmative, but Jack's expression made him add, "We've both been through a lot worse, Jack."
And, once he thought about it, there were a lot of arguments he and Jack had over and over because they'd never agree, or ones they avoided for that reason, and they managed just the same. He'd told Jack that the choices they made were based on what they couldn't bear to lose. Surely he could swallow some disagreements for that.
The idea of losing a friend for something that he himself couldn't be sure was wrong...they couldn't let that happen. But it didn't mean things had to--or could--stay exactly the same.
"Good," Jack said, sounding cautious.
"I want to start sharing the bills at the house," Daniel said.
Jack looked surprised for a few moments before understanding dawned. "Daniel, it's your home whether or not--god, it's--"
"Then I can start paying my part, at least. What's wrong with it, if it's really my home and we're both adults?" he challenged. "Maybe sometimes I want to go home instead of going to your home."
"I'm not gonna throw you out," Jack said. "Ever. You don't have to pay a rent for that."
Daniel almost said, 'And I should just trust you on that?' because he did, but he'd rather trust Jack because he trusted, not because he had to. There was more strength in the choice than in the obligation. Daniel didn't have control over much in his position and on this planet and with his age, but he could hold onto things one by one. "It's more fair this way," he said, starting to gather together what he'd need if he was going to spend the weekend at the house.
It took a long time before Jack answered. When he did, he said, "You took care of everything for the last three months."
"Then you take the next three, and we can alternate after that," Daniel countered.
Jack pulled open Robert's top drawer--the one Robert always forgot to lock--and tried to play with the stapler. Daniel took it away, put it back, and slammed the drawer shut. Jack withdrew. "If it'll...make you feel better," Jack said.
"Yes."
"Okay," Jack said, and even though Daniel knew the agreement was only to stop the argument, to humor him, he could accept that, too. "So..." Jack started, then twirled a finger in the air, then stopped. "So..."
"Do you want to know about that chamber we opened on Abydos?" Daniel said. "I wanted to show you at the time, but obviously... I mean, I can tell you about it if you want."
"Yeah, sure, I want to hear," Jack said.
"Are you lying?"
"Nope," Jack said, and Daniel still thought it was a lie, at least a little bit, but it was an gesture, too, an offer to listen to what Jack would think was boring data they'd collected on Ra's useless Goa'uld devices and an Ancient tablet they knew nothing about. The least he could do was accept it. "Tell me about it on the way home?"
"Yeah," Daniel said. "Yeah, okay. Just let me turn this in--I'll meet you on the surface."
Daniel waited for Jack to come out of the office before turning around and deliberately locking the door behind them, knowing Jack would see him do it and wonder if it meant anything. Mostly, Daniel just suspected Jack would try to pull things back to normal by joking or playing small pranks, and he wasn't in the mood to find a Post-It note with a joke in his drawer this week.
"Right," Jack said, a little stiffly, but didn't mention anything else. "Meet you up top."
From the next chapter (" Caged"):
This seemed to be good enough for Daniel, who continued talking and occasionally remembered to translate in between asking Nyan about how they'd found the Stargate (by accident), what they knew about the Stargate (that it was just a legend--except that it clearly wasn't), and why Nyan was so excited about it (it proved that the Bedrosians were completely wrong about this holy turf war they'd been fighting with the Optricans for decades...)
"Whoa," Jack said, alarmed.
"Uh," Daniel said nervously.