Perhaps a Single Day - Chapter (2) - Turning The Tide: Black Tables
(2) Turning The Tide: Black Tables
Naomi turned and looked directly into Emily’s brown eyes. They were as wide as saucers. So many emotions were close to the surface; but neither said anything.
‘Fuck, where to start’, thought Naomi.
She stared hard at Emily, then closing the distance between them; she pushed the red head up against the closed door before their mouths came together. Slower and softer this time, their lips held against the others longer, mouths open and both searched with their tongues. Naomi drew her hips towards Emily.
As their bodies met Emily sighed and deeply said “Naomi, don’t go. Why are you doing this? I don’t want you to go. ”
Naomi moved back ever so slightly, resting her forehead on Emily’s brow. Their closeness was intoxicating, and a little overwhelming, the heady scent of Emily working through her system like a drug.
“Christ Ems, I’m not sure what I’m doing…..I don’t even know what I’m feeling....fuck I didn’t know it would hurt this much... to be away from you.”
Naomi felt her chest heave. In the last few weeks her mind had flipped a million times, wanting Emily but struggling with how it would label her. Was it true, that she didn’t want to be seen as gay? Why did she think that? Maybe she was bi. Maybe she could go both ways. She was comfortable spending time with both women and men; but really, adult conversation came easily. Hell, she didn’t have much option living with her mum, there were always people around. Some stayed longer in their lives, and a few she still missed.
It wasn’t easy living with her mum. Everything was politics. She learned to take a stand on issues; it was part of their life. At the same time, she had little time for those who didn’t share her views. Standing apart from the common culture and her peers, striving to keep above the petty things that dominated their lives, or so she had thought. She always said she didn’t care what other people thought. But she no longer knew if that was true. Did she really want to be seen as different all the time; because she liked a girl?
She usually dismissed the gossip and taunts, such as Katie’s digs about her, the “muff muncher” comments. Truth be told, there were worse. She didn’t care what others thought of her, usually.
But things changed when Cook referred to Emily as her girlfriend during the election. When it came to Emily her feelings were different, Cook had struck a nerve, and she felt even more protective of her self- image, she did things that she regretted. She yelled, at Emily, telling her leave her alone, when really she wanted just the opposite. Fuck, she didn’t usually act like that. Her nerves had been raw that day and she’d felt exposed. It was as if the tide had turned. She was uncomfortable with this new role. Unsure of where her head was at, and experiencing emotions that she thought her heart was incapable of even perceiving. But worst of all, she felt vulnerable and she definitely didn’t like feeling vulnerable.
Emily watched Naomi thinking ‘her head was always working’, the way she furrowed her brow and bit into her bottom lip ‘always thinking’. She loved that about Naomi.
Love, Emily felt the word rise in her throat.
“It hurts sometimes Em. It’s so fucking complicated” said Naomi, closing her eyes as she spoke.
Emily answered back softly. “I know. But it can feel good too, if you let it. It doesn’t have to be complicated. We can sort it out, together. Jesus Naomi, I want to be with you. I really... care about you.” There was that mix in her soft deep voice that was utterly Emily, a sense of conviction and gentleness.
Naomi had heard it before, in the forest when she pushed her bicycle up the hill and walked away from her Emily, tears filling her eyes. Christ that moment, and the memory that accompanied it, was still painful. That day shattered the world she’d constructed, the cold place where she kept herself separate from everyone else, where she didn’t need anyone, wasn’t dependent on anyone. But now she stood staring at the one person she sought out when she was really in pain when she was trying to make sense of her feelings and she needed to go somewhere, anywhere.
“I want you Em, Christ it’s like you’re part of my life.” Naomi strangled the rest of the words, kept the thought unspoken, unfinished, and safe in her heart. ‘Emily you’re getting inside me’.
“I’m not use to this, being....” her voice trailed off.
“Being what?” asked Emily.
“I don’t know... being attached...to someone.” Naomi rarely stumbled over her words.
Emily knew how fleeting these moments could be, where they dropped the walls, and reached out to each other. Rarely did Naomi talk about her feelings. On the other hand, Emily couldn’t shut up at times.
Her left hand slipped down Naomi’s slim back and rested on her hip.
“Fuck Naomi, I’m no expert either.”
Naomi smiled and laughed.
Emily became aware of sounds outside the classroom. Despite the darkness, there was little privacy in the classroom, ‘glass walls’. It was Emily’s turn to put things in motion.
“Well we can’t stay here. Let’s go somewhere, okay?”
Emily’s question jolted Naomi back to the moment. Yes, she wanted to be with Emily. The redheaded girl made her laugh and was unrelenting in her methodical pursuit of her. Emily challenged her intellectually and pushed her to question her sense of self. Naomi thought she’d been the one to question authority. ‘Yeah, right.’ A smile appeared as her face softened.
‘Could they go to her house?’ Naomi recalled her mum’s words from their early morning tea together. Gina said she was working late. She had a crazy nursing schedule overseeing far too much at the clinic. Her mother was always overextending herself. That meant their house would be empty.
“Yes, my house. But we can’t leave together” said Naomi as she stepped back.
Emily looked at her puzzled and briefly wondered if Naomi was pulling away again. Naomi’s face took on her legendary superior confidant stance, rebuking the question in Emily’s eyes in a haughty sarcastic tone.
“Emily, no one would believe that Katie and I would be walking home together, especially without you.”
That set off Emily laughing, shaking her head, knowing Naomi was right. She had put too much work into Katie’s exam. She wasn’t prepared to have Katie and her found out and kicked out of college for cheating. In the back of her mind, she slotted away, working for Katie, again. Sister shit. But more importantly the tension between her and Naomi was evaporating with each rouge giggle that escaped Emily’s chest and half-smile that danced on the blonde’s lips.
“I’ll change clothes. Then we can go together” offered Emily.
“No don’t, you should leave it” said Naomi, a bit too quickly and eagerly. She blushed as her eyes once again wandered down to Emily’s breasts sparingly covered by Katie’s clinging dress.
“I mean, it’s just nice for a change” added Naomi lifting an eyebrow.
Emily lowered her chin, turned her head slightly, and smiled.
“A bit pervy don’t you think” teased Emily.
Naomi said nothing in response, but moved towards her. After one last kiss, the girls parted.
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