Keeping up the fight
doh...need to be up in 4 hours to get the coach to brum :-s....getting hair done again...less red this time :-( different cut :-)...there is still red but it just isn't so intense...although I might stop off at the hair shop in brum and get the other type...:-S i love the red...it's just...well it's just me...anything else would just be wrong...(apart from bits of purple maybe)...so i'm gonna snooze in a mo...strangely i wasn't gonna go back this weekend wither. Didn't want to anymore...I'm actually scared to go back a little...Christmas memories are still haunting me...if he does start again then I wont be back for a long time...when I told him this morning he bought up mom AGAIN! Honestly...I will see my mother before I go away which will either be at the end of September or Christmas...(reality of my money issues setting in now...yes I will have to be a bit grown up before I go off galavanting around the world but it's ok)...and I'm gonna tell him and he probably wont like it, he might stop talking to me like he did Jamal but it's about time he stops will the stupid mind games because I've had enough quite frankly. I want to finish university with a fresh mindset no guilt, I want to bury old hatchets and focus on acheiving the most I can out of life. Ex's...even though it still hurts I have to be tough with myself. T
here is a part of me that is not quite sure if it was the right thing to do with Patri...if I should have been more patient and put up with the things that hurt me for a little bit longer...at least now I have been totally honest with him. Although I don't know it is just because I did love him and still do to a certain extent and therefore whether it be right or wrong until I truly get over him or until I fall in love with someone else there will always be a part of me that will think that way. It would be so much easier if I could find someone to fall in love with straight away...I mean there are guys and they are sweet but there's no spark. I think my defences are up much higher this time round so it will well and truly have to be a spark...but sparks are hard to come by :-S...I think Patri may have already moved on..he's already a couple of months ahead of me so it's easier. I kinda think what spured him on was the girl from work that was interested in him if/when I talk to him he's a bit aloof and dispondent. I would be happy for him whatever the case...everyone deserves love and happiness and even though it hurts I'd rather see someone happy than sad. If you know they have someone else, it also makes it easier to move on, because there is no possibility of a second chance in the future. I was listening to a song by Aswad this morning (also covered by Ace of Base back in the nineties) Don't turn around...nearly cried again lol...every bastard song that I listen to seems to be relevant lol....aaaaaaaaaarrrd...(also discovered that I really REALLY love "How to save a life" by the Fray...when I listen to it I almost shudder..."Somewhere only we know" also had the same effect on my when it came out..."How to save a life" made me almost cry...I got that hollow feeling when there is so much emotion that your insides just seem to overload and there's an empty yet full felling...probably just me lol...anyway...I'm a sucker for a guitar riff and a piano :-) Only just realized... I'm video/song documenting my life at the moment aren't I lol...viva la musica!
"How To Save A Life"
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
here is a part of me that is not quite sure if it was the right thing to do with Patri...if I should have been more patient and put up with the things that hurt me for a little bit longer...at least now I have been totally honest with him. Although I don't know it is just because I did love him and still do to a certain extent and therefore whether it be right or wrong until I truly get over him or until I fall in love with someone else there will always be a part of me that will think that way. It would be so much easier if I could find someone to fall in love with straight away...I mean there are guys and they are sweet but there's no spark. I think my defences are up much higher this time round so it will well and truly have to be a spark...but sparks are hard to come by :-S...I think Patri may have already moved on..he's already a couple of months ahead of me so it's easier. I kinda think what spured him on was the girl from work that was interested in him if/when I talk to him he's a bit aloof and dispondent. I would be happy for him whatever the case...everyone deserves love and happiness and even though it hurts I'd rather see someone happy than sad. If you know they have someone else, it also makes it easier to move on, because there is no possibility of a second chance in the future. I was listening to a song by Aswad this morning (also covered by Ace of Base back in the nineties) Don't turn around...nearly cried again lol...every bastard song that I listen to seems to be relevant lol....aaaaaaaaaarrrd...(also discovered that I really REALLY love "How to save a life" by the Fray...when I listen to it I almost shudder..."Somewhere only we know" also had the same effect on my when it came out..."How to save a life" made me almost cry...I got that hollow feeling when there is so much emotion that your insides just seem to overload and there's an empty yet full felling...probably just me lol...anyway...I'm a sucker for a guitar riff and a piano :-) Only just realized... I'm video/song documenting my life at the moment aren't I lol...viva la musica!
Click to view"How To Save A Life"
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life