OS - Resident Evil : Swallowed in the sea
Fandom : Resident Evil 6
Personnage(s)/Pairing(s) : Chris Redfield/Piers Nivans
Rating : PG - 13
Titre : Swallowed in the sea
Disclaimer : A Capcom. Et le titre est honteusement pompé sur une chanson de Coldplay.
Note : SPOILERS sur la fin du jeu | version anglais du texte publié ICI sur le prompt de bostaf : "You're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye" [Say something - A Great Big World]
He would not make it. If there was one thing Piers was certain about, it was that he would not make it out of the underwater facility. Oh he very well could make it out, he had it in himself and his captain was apparently not ready to give up on him yet, but he did not want to. On their run to an exit, he had caught a glimpse of his reflection in one of the numerous glass surfaces of the structure, and the sight had appalled him beyond words. Not human anymore. Piers felt ugly, disgusting, and would have believed it was not him if not for the second half of his face that looked still human.
It was quite the irony when he thought about it: he used the thing he wanted to destroy in order to save their lives. A most bitter turn of events. He intended to die with all those awful creatures and ensure his captain a way out of this hell. However Chris did not seem to agree with this plan.
“I’m not leaving you here, you hear me?” He shouted at the young man.
Seeing Chris so angry about it eased his heart a little. His captain still cared about him despite his choice to inject himself the C-virus and wanted to save him in return. It made Piers smile faintly. Chris was that kind of person who took every matter to heart and treasured his teammates above the rest. Piers being the only survivor of the Alpha unit, it was a given Chris would not want to leave him behind no matter what.
“Thank you Captain.”
Said captain gave him a surprised look.
“Thank you.” He simply repeated.
“What are you thanking me for? We’re not out yet.”
“Thank you for still treating me like a human being.”
“What? Of course you are a human being!”
Piers snorted. The words sounded so confident and suffered no contradiction, and it made him laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Chris asked, his eyebrows frowned in displeasure.
“Forgive me. But come on, do I look like a human to you? Or has your eyesight gone bad upon aging?”
The captain felt deeply offended and it was there, written all on his face.
“First of all, my eyesight is perfectly fine. Secondly, yes, you look like a human to me. Don’t go comparing yourself to those brainless creatures. You’re not one of them. And I’m taking you with me.”
He had added the last sentence as a warning, just to remind Piers he would not change his mind.
“You can’t be serious Captain.”
“I am.”
Sharp. Authoritarian. This deep voice that almost sent shivers through the ace’s spine.
“There’s a cure, Piers. It means we can contain your infection and perhaps reverse it.” Chris stated more calmly.
This time it was Piers that felt anger tense his face. Was he so slow to not notice it would be even worse if he ever recovered from it?
“This Jake guy apparently has antibodies for the C-virus, and-”
“Captain!”
The sniper’s voice cut him before he could even finish his sentence. Chris paused and looked at his subordinate.
“I appreciate your concern for me, really. But please be realistic. Even if I could recover, what would I do? I lost my right arm anyway. What purpose would I serve without it?”
The older man seemed to realise what was implied and remained silent, as if horror-struck by the revelation.
“It would be worse than death to me. Being useless… is not acceptable. I’d rather die here, knowing my job is done.”
Piers’ voice was yet bitter as the words came out of his mouth and with it, the certainty of his thoughts on the subject.
“Hold it right there. You could serve other purposes. There are many things to do in the B.S.A.A. you know.”
Chris was definitely trying to reason his subordinate. He could not leave him to his doom when all they had to do was to get in a pod and leave this forsaken place. There had to be a way to convince him he had a right to live.
“I don’t care for those.” The sniper blatantly replied. “I’m a field man and you know it. I was trained all my life to work on the frontline. There’s no other place for me.”
He could not add the last words he had in mind. But in reality, Piers could not see himself anywhere but beside his admired captain, gun in hand, covering his back. It had become the world to him. Truth be told, he considered his mutation as the proof of his failure in protecting Chris. Had he not been weak, he would not have needed to use the virus. He was not worthy of the emblem anymore. And he hated himself for that.
“I… failed you this time. I’m sorry.”
“Failed me? You saved my life, dammit!”
“Yes, I did! Using the virus and my mutation! If not for it, can you imagine what would have happened?” Piers shouted, unable to remain calm as he was fighting back the virus trying to overwhelm him.
Again Chris paused, and considered his young partner with a serious look.
“I failed as a B.S.A.A. member. I became the very thing we fight against. Talk about irony.”
His superior was about to say something but the ace did not give him the chance to.
“Don’t. You know I’m right. And bringing me back would be a violation of your orders, which you so often reminded me of not too long ago.” He added, a hint of sincere amusement in his voice.
“My orders are-”
“To kill every B.O.W. you encounter. Which includes me, technically.” Piers stated matter-of-factly.
His quiet tone of voice made Chris want to punch him. Instead, he caught him by his collar and dragged him up with a single hand. Their eyes met and Chris felt his jaw tense under the desperately sad look his teammate was giving him.
“Fuck orders. I’m bringing you back with me.” He hissed between his teeth, firm with resolve.
Piers shoved his captain’s arm and his voice broke with despair when he replied:
“I will not have you violate your orders because of me!”
“And I will not leave my partner to die in this place!”
Chris had screamed so loud Piers was taken aback and unable to say anything. A few seconds passed, then the leader calmed down and finally looked back at his teammate with what seemed to be pleading eyes.
“I have lost too many people in this war, Piers. I do not wish to count you among them. Not you.”
The young man could only understand. He knew all about captain Redfield’s records in the B.S.A.A. and had heard rumours about him losing treasured partners earlier in the conflict. Which explained his way of handling his team: with his heart and desire to protect them all at any cost. Piers felt a sting in his chest. Both because he was sympathizing with his superior and because he felt like he had some misplaced importance in Chris’ heart. He tried to tell himself he should not read too much into this and see any implied meaning behind those words yet on the verge of dying the need to open up his heart was becoming more of an emergency than a secret best kept hidden.
“Your words honour me, sir.” He cautiously started, trying to gauge Chris’ reaction. “Perhaps in a deeper way than they should.”
There. It was said. Or partially said. And judging by his teammate reaction, his words had stirred curiosity. The older man gave him a questioning look but Piers was not confident enough to keep going, so he had to ask:
“What do you mean exactly?”
The tone was still a little dry from their argument but not angry nor impatient. It helped the sniper take the final step in his revelation.
“Please do forgive me for what I’m about to say, sir.” He paused, took a deep breath and briefly closed his eyes before adding “I am in love with you.”
Chris blinked in astonishment. Piers felt like he was standing over the edge of a cliff, hanging for some sort of answer, reaction, whatever. Yet nothing came out of the lips of his captain. The seconds that passed in silence seemed to Piers like an eternity. Finally, his superior asked him in a low voice:
“How long?”
The younger man laughed bitterly. He knew exactly what the point of this question was and did not want to say that it had been a really, really long time.
“If I should date it accurately, it would most likely be since the moment you asked me to join the Alpha. I’ll never forget the smile nor the look you gave me.”
“I see…”
It was all Chris could utter, the realisation taking the best of him. He was slowly putting pieces together and felt like he had actually never really known nor understood his partner. Cruel, bitter thing to come across. Still, one question lingered in his mind and he needed the answer.
“Why did you not tell me?”
“You’re really asking me why I did not tell my superior and closest teammate that I was infatuated with him like a teenager? Surely you know the reason Captain.”
Captain. Piers was trying to put some distance in his words and the honorific title sounded very unpleasant for the first time in Chris’ ear. Although Piers was absolutely right and understandable in his reasons, it angered Chris to feel so blind and unworthy of his partner’s trust. He should have noticed. How could he not? Memories of their interactions flashed through his mind, taking a whole new meaning. How Piers smiled and looked at him when praised or comforted, how eager to learn and please the young man had always been, the way he got angry with everyone daring to challenge or insult Chris… Everything made now painfully sense in his mind. He felt like an idiot for not noticing.
“I’m sorry.” He barely managed to whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
“Should I not be the one apologizing here? I just embarrassed you with personal things that have nothing to do with-”
“It has everything to do with this!” Chris shouted, angry at himself beyond measure. “I didn’t know. I thought I was good at understanding people and especially my co-workers yet you just proved me wrong. And big time. I should have known. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I did everything I could so no one would notice. Not even you.” Piers replied, with his most soothing voice.
“Am I so unworthy of your trust?” The leader asked bitterly.
“No you’re not! Please don’t get the wrong idea. How was I supposed to know you would accept it so calmly? Not everyone’s so open-minded. Do I not disgust you?”
Chris looked him in the eye, his face stern and back to its usual expression.
“No. Never.”
It was not that his captain was not surprised or full of questions but they had more urgent things to deal with. And of course, in Chris’ mind, they would have all the time in the world to settle things when they would have left this place. But his subordinate did not seem to trust his words, so he raised a hand and made attempt to brush Piers’ mutated cheek, only to find the young man’s left arm in his way.
“Don’t.”
There was a time not long ago when Piers would have killed hundreds to be rewarded with such a gesture. Yet now that he had started to mutate he despised himself so much he preferred to deter from the so-wanted touch. He was in control for now, but the virus was relentlessly attacking his nervous system, causing great pain in the process and slowly spreading. He could feel it. It was only a matter of time before he would lose his mind and turn against Chris. And Piers did not want that to happen.
“Come on Piers, we’re leaving this place.”
It was clear in his mind now. He nodded slightly and took a sit while Chris fumbled with the console to get an escape pod open. The whole place seemed on the verge of giving up upon them. They had little time. Finally, the console beeped and a pod clicked open. The older man extended his hand towards Piers who grabbed it and landed clumsily on his wobbling feet. Chris’ fingers were tightly locked to his own and for a second Piers thought he felt his captain’s thumb rub the back of his hand in a circular motion.
And it suddenly gave him the audacity to do what he had so often dreamed of. He swiftly took his hand out of Chris’ one and grabbed his chief by his collar, smashing himself against his torso. Without thinking he kissed the man with all his feelings for him. It was clumsy and hesitating, but sincere and full of passion. Chris was utterly motionless. Piers’ lips were on his and many sensations arose in him. He did not knows exactly which one prevailed and frankly, he did not care. He allowed himself to stop thinking and get briefly lost in the moment. He deepened the kiss and enveloped his partner’s neck with his big palm to keep him close. Within his reach. Piers thought he was dreaming all of this yet loved every second of it. He was so immersed in their embrace he had forgotten how to breathe and pulled out regretfully, his moist lips red, swollen and parted for air.
Both men were hazy and almost panting, not quite realising what they had been doing. Chris’ eyes were dimly glowing. Still not recovering, Piers thought. It was more than enough for the young man who took advantage of his captain’s defencelessness to roughly shove him in the escape pod. Before Chris could come to his senses and jump up his feet the doors had closed in on him. Piers was not inside. It gave him a shock and he tumbled on the transparent window, only to see his subordinate look at him with sorry eyes. He yelled at him all he could, anything that could stop him from ejecting the pod: orders, pleas, threats, but nothing worked.
And Piers silently pulled the lever. This was it. He quickly went back to catch a last glimpse of his beloved captain and the look said captain gave him tore his heart to pieces. Eyes pleading, hands fisted in attempt to smash the door open, Chris shouted desperately when he heard the clicks announcing the instant release of the pod. Piers’ throat was dry, knotted tight and he had no words to say. He managed a faint smile that painfully stretched his unwilling muscles and a slight nod that he was sure did not go unnoticed. It did pain him to say goodbye to the most likely first and only person he would ever love. At least his captain would be safe. He did what was right. He had no regrets.
In his pod, Chris was shaken by the last events. Piers had never intended to escape with him. The older man did not understand why. He was trying to process Piers’ confession and desperate kiss and everything was blurry and painful. The scene flashed through his mind and he could still feel the sniper’s mouth crushed passionately against his. Instinctively he brushed his bottom lips with his fingertips, as if he could recollect the fading sensation. It had been anything but unpleasant. It arose a lot of questions in him, but the answers were trapped with Piers in the crumbling facility. One of the many things the young man would take to the grave.
Among them was a piece of Chris’ heart and affection, forever swallowed in the sea.
Fin
*****
Personnage(s)/Pairing(s) : Chris Redfield/Piers Nivans
Rating : PG - 13
Titre : Swallowed in the sea
Disclaimer : A Capcom. Et le titre est honteusement pompé sur une chanson de Coldplay.
Note : SPOILERS sur la fin du jeu | version anglais du texte publié ICI sur le prompt de bostaf : "You're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye" [Say something - A Great Big World]
He would not make it. If there was one thing Piers was certain about, it was that he would not make it out of the underwater facility. Oh he very well could make it out, he had it in himself and his captain was apparently not ready to give up on him yet, but he did not want to. On their run to an exit, he had caught a glimpse of his reflection in one of the numerous glass surfaces of the structure, and the sight had appalled him beyond words. Not human anymore. Piers felt ugly, disgusting, and would have believed it was not him if not for the second half of his face that looked still human.
It was quite the irony when he thought about it: he used the thing he wanted to destroy in order to save their lives. A most bitter turn of events. He intended to die with all those awful creatures and ensure his captain a way out of this hell. However Chris did not seem to agree with this plan.
“I’m not leaving you here, you hear me?” He shouted at the young man.
Seeing Chris so angry about it eased his heart a little. His captain still cared about him despite his choice to inject himself the C-virus and wanted to save him in return. It made Piers smile faintly. Chris was that kind of person who took every matter to heart and treasured his teammates above the rest. Piers being the only survivor of the Alpha unit, it was a given Chris would not want to leave him behind no matter what.
“Thank you Captain.”
Said captain gave him a surprised look.
“Thank you.” He simply repeated.
“What are you thanking me for? We’re not out yet.”
“Thank you for still treating me like a human being.”
“What? Of course you are a human being!”
Piers snorted. The words sounded so confident and suffered no contradiction, and it made him laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Chris asked, his eyebrows frowned in displeasure.
“Forgive me. But come on, do I look like a human to you? Or has your eyesight gone bad upon aging?”
The captain felt deeply offended and it was there, written all on his face.
“First of all, my eyesight is perfectly fine. Secondly, yes, you look like a human to me. Don’t go comparing yourself to those brainless creatures. You’re not one of them. And I’m taking you with me.”
He had added the last sentence as a warning, just to remind Piers he would not change his mind.
“You can’t be serious Captain.”
“I am.”
Sharp. Authoritarian. This deep voice that almost sent shivers through the ace’s spine.
“There’s a cure, Piers. It means we can contain your infection and perhaps reverse it.” Chris stated more calmly.
This time it was Piers that felt anger tense his face. Was he so slow to not notice it would be even worse if he ever recovered from it?
“This Jake guy apparently has antibodies for the C-virus, and-”
“Captain!”
The sniper’s voice cut him before he could even finish his sentence. Chris paused and looked at his subordinate.
“I appreciate your concern for me, really. But please be realistic. Even if I could recover, what would I do? I lost my right arm anyway. What purpose would I serve without it?”
The older man seemed to realise what was implied and remained silent, as if horror-struck by the revelation.
“It would be worse than death to me. Being useless… is not acceptable. I’d rather die here, knowing my job is done.”
Piers’ voice was yet bitter as the words came out of his mouth and with it, the certainty of his thoughts on the subject.
“Hold it right there. You could serve other purposes. There are many things to do in the B.S.A.A. you know.”
Chris was definitely trying to reason his subordinate. He could not leave him to his doom when all they had to do was to get in a pod and leave this forsaken place. There had to be a way to convince him he had a right to live.
“I don’t care for those.” The sniper blatantly replied. “I’m a field man and you know it. I was trained all my life to work on the frontline. There’s no other place for me.”
He could not add the last words he had in mind. But in reality, Piers could not see himself anywhere but beside his admired captain, gun in hand, covering his back. It had become the world to him. Truth be told, he considered his mutation as the proof of his failure in protecting Chris. Had he not been weak, he would not have needed to use the virus. He was not worthy of the emblem anymore. And he hated himself for that.
“I… failed you this time. I’m sorry.”
“Failed me? You saved my life, dammit!”
“Yes, I did! Using the virus and my mutation! If not for it, can you imagine what would have happened?” Piers shouted, unable to remain calm as he was fighting back the virus trying to overwhelm him.
Again Chris paused, and considered his young partner with a serious look.
“I failed as a B.S.A.A. member. I became the very thing we fight against. Talk about irony.”
His superior was about to say something but the ace did not give him the chance to.
“Don’t. You know I’m right. And bringing me back would be a violation of your orders, which you so often reminded me of not too long ago.” He added, a hint of sincere amusement in his voice.
“My orders are-”
“To kill every B.O.W. you encounter. Which includes me, technically.” Piers stated matter-of-factly.
His quiet tone of voice made Chris want to punch him. Instead, he caught him by his collar and dragged him up with a single hand. Their eyes met and Chris felt his jaw tense under the desperately sad look his teammate was giving him.
“Fuck orders. I’m bringing you back with me.” He hissed between his teeth, firm with resolve.
Piers shoved his captain’s arm and his voice broke with despair when he replied:
“I will not have you violate your orders because of me!”
“And I will not leave my partner to die in this place!”
Chris had screamed so loud Piers was taken aback and unable to say anything. A few seconds passed, then the leader calmed down and finally looked back at his teammate with what seemed to be pleading eyes.
“I have lost too many people in this war, Piers. I do not wish to count you among them. Not you.”
The young man could only understand. He knew all about captain Redfield’s records in the B.S.A.A. and had heard rumours about him losing treasured partners earlier in the conflict. Which explained his way of handling his team: with his heart and desire to protect them all at any cost. Piers felt a sting in his chest. Both because he was sympathizing with his superior and because he felt like he had some misplaced importance in Chris’ heart. He tried to tell himself he should not read too much into this and see any implied meaning behind those words yet on the verge of dying the need to open up his heart was becoming more of an emergency than a secret best kept hidden.
“Your words honour me, sir.” He cautiously started, trying to gauge Chris’ reaction. “Perhaps in a deeper way than they should.”
There. It was said. Or partially said. And judging by his teammate reaction, his words had stirred curiosity. The older man gave him a questioning look but Piers was not confident enough to keep going, so he had to ask:
“What do you mean exactly?”
The tone was still a little dry from their argument but not angry nor impatient. It helped the sniper take the final step in his revelation.
“Please do forgive me for what I’m about to say, sir.” He paused, took a deep breath and briefly closed his eyes before adding “I am in love with you.”
Chris blinked in astonishment. Piers felt like he was standing over the edge of a cliff, hanging for some sort of answer, reaction, whatever. Yet nothing came out of the lips of his captain. The seconds that passed in silence seemed to Piers like an eternity. Finally, his superior asked him in a low voice:
“How long?”
The younger man laughed bitterly. He knew exactly what the point of this question was and did not want to say that it had been a really, really long time.
“If I should date it accurately, it would most likely be since the moment you asked me to join the Alpha. I’ll never forget the smile nor the look you gave me.”
“I see…”
It was all Chris could utter, the realisation taking the best of him. He was slowly putting pieces together and felt like he had actually never really known nor understood his partner. Cruel, bitter thing to come across. Still, one question lingered in his mind and he needed the answer.
“Why did you not tell me?”
“You’re really asking me why I did not tell my superior and closest teammate that I was infatuated with him like a teenager? Surely you know the reason Captain.”
Captain. Piers was trying to put some distance in his words and the honorific title sounded very unpleasant for the first time in Chris’ ear. Although Piers was absolutely right and understandable in his reasons, it angered Chris to feel so blind and unworthy of his partner’s trust. He should have noticed. How could he not? Memories of their interactions flashed through his mind, taking a whole new meaning. How Piers smiled and looked at him when praised or comforted, how eager to learn and please the young man had always been, the way he got angry with everyone daring to challenge or insult Chris… Everything made now painfully sense in his mind. He felt like an idiot for not noticing.
“I’m sorry.” He barely managed to whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
“Should I not be the one apologizing here? I just embarrassed you with personal things that have nothing to do with-”
“It has everything to do with this!” Chris shouted, angry at himself beyond measure. “I didn’t know. I thought I was good at understanding people and especially my co-workers yet you just proved me wrong. And big time. I should have known. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I did everything I could so no one would notice. Not even you.” Piers replied, with his most soothing voice.
“Am I so unworthy of your trust?” The leader asked bitterly.
“No you’re not! Please don’t get the wrong idea. How was I supposed to know you would accept it so calmly? Not everyone’s so open-minded. Do I not disgust you?”
Chris looked him in the eye, his face stern and back to its usual expression.
“No. Never.”
It was not that his captain was not surprised or full of questions but they had more urgent things to deal with. And of course, in Chris’ mind, they would have all the time in the world to settle things when they would have left this place. But his subordinate did not seem to trust his words, so he raised a hand and made attempt to brush Piers’ mutated cheek, only to find the young man’s left arm in his way.
“Don’t.”
There was a time not long ago when Piers would have killed hundreds to be rewarded with such a gesture. Yet now that he had started to mutate he despised himself so much he preferred to deter from the so-wanted touch. He was in control for now, but the virus was relentlessly attacking his nervous system, causing great pain in the process and slowly spreading. He could feel it. It was only a matter of time before he would lose his mind and turn against Chris. And Piers did not want that to happen.
“Come on Piers, we’re leaving this place.”
It was clear in his mind now. He nodded slightly and took a sit while Chris fumbled with the console to get an escape pod open. The whole place seemed on the verge of giving up upon them. They had little time. Finally, the console beeped and a pod clicked open. The older man extended his hand towards Piers who grabbed it and landed clumsily on his wobbling feet. Chris’ fingers were tightly locked to his own and for a second Piers thought he felt his captain’s thumb rub the back of his hand in a circular motion.
And it suddenly gave him the audacity to do what he had so often dreamed of. He swiftly took his hand out of Chris’ one and grabbed his chief by his collar, smashing himself against his torso. Without thinking he kissed the man with all his feelings for him. It was clumsy and hesitating, but sincere and full of passion. Chris was utterly motionless. Piers’ lips were on his and many sensations arose in him. He did not knows exactly which one prevailed and frankly, he did not care. He allowed himself to stop thinking and get briefly lost in the moment. He deepened the kiss and enveloped his partner’s neck with his big palm to keep him close. Within his reach. Piers thought he was dreaming all of this yet loved every second of it. He was so immersed in their embrace he had forgotten how to breathe and pulled out regretfully, his moist lips red, swollen and parted for air.
Both men were hazy and almost panting, not quite realising what they had been doing. Chris’ eyes were dimly glowing. Still not recovering, Piers thought. It was more than enough for the young man who took advantage of his captain’s defencelessness to roughly shove him in the escape pod. Before Chris could come to his senses and jump up his feet the doors had closed in on him. Piers was not inside. It gave him a shock and he tumbled on the transparent window, only to see his subordinate look at him with sorry eyes. He yelled at him all he could, anything that could stop him from ejecting the pod: orders, pleas, threats, but nothing worked.
And Piers silently pulled the lever. This was it. He quickly went back to catch a last glimpse of his beloved captain and the look said captain gave him tore his heart to pieces. Eyes pleading, hands fisted in attempt to smash the door open, Chris shouted desperately when he heard the clicks announcing the instant release of the pod. Piers’ throat was dry, knotted tight and he had no words to say. He managed a faint smile that painfully stretched his unwilling muscles and a slight nod that he was sure did not go unnoticed. It did pain him to say goodbye to the most likely first and only person he would ever love. At least his captain would be safe. He did what was right. He had no regrets.
In his pod, Chris was shaken by the last events. Piers had never intended to escape with him. The older man did not understand why. He was trying to process Piers’ confession and desperate kiss and everything was blurry and painful. The scene flashed through his mind and he could still feel the sniper’s mouth crushed passionately against his. Instinctively he brushed his bottom lips with his fingertips, as if he could recollect the fading sensation. It had been anything but unpleasant. It arose a lot of questions in him, but the answers were trapped with Piers in the crumbling facility. One of the many things the young man would take to the grave.
Among them was a piece of Chris’ heart and affection, forever swallowed in the sea.
Fin
*****