2018 new year's meme
going to go ahead and start this off by straight up saying that this past year has been amazing. 2018 has been a year of firsts. a lot of firsts. firsts that have been both mind blowing and humbling at the same time. i’ve learned a lot about myself and am still processing most of it, but i hope to capture some of the more important things here.
2018 has been the first majorly positive year that i’ve had in (what feels like) a long time... and hopefully 2019 will turn that into a trend, because hooooly shit it’s going to be another year of firsts since i'll be moving back to the States?! for good?!?! hopefully starting a PhD program, maybe?!?!?!?!
頑張る。
previous new year's memes:
2017 :: 2016 :: 2015 :: 2014 :: 2013 :: 2012 :: 2011 :: 2010 :: 2009 :: 2008 :: 2007
1. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?
- been in a relationship since having come out as ace / queer / non-binary
- been in a non-hetero (non-binary/maverique) relationship (01/06/2018 ~ !!!)
- been in a relationship that's actually healthy and amazing
- managed a small department of (4) people
- casually came out to coworkers
- been on testosterone (HRT) for 11 months (nearly 12!)
- had my partner stay with me in Japan for 5 weeks
- experienced all kinds of feels that i've never feel'd before
- initiated things that i never thought i would....
- successfully confused people about my assigned gender at birth
- have had no monthly hell for nearly a year!! (02/10/2018 ~ !!!)
2. Did you keep your New Years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
*resolutions for 2018:
- start HRT. → YES! almost 1 year ago. <3
- be more authentically myself. → yes?
- take things slow, check in with myself and actually listen. → yes. as best i could, anyway.
- STOP BEING SO POOR, even if i still can't manage a savings. → ...yeah, no.
- study Japanese, even if not regularly. → nope. have given up on this entirely.
- take the JLPT N1 at least once, whether i pass or fail or not. → nope. see above.
*resolutions for 2019:
- learn how to cut my own hair.
- ...get into grad school? (not really a resolution since i either will or i wont at this point, but...)
- do reasonably well in grad school? (provided i even get in at all...)
- don't give up on myself if i don't get into a program.
- move back to the States, finances in tact.
- relearn how to be a brokeass person in America.
- land a part-time (?) job at least until something better or grad school comes around.
- no mental breakdowns.
- TRY to not complain excessively about life in America.
- pull my weight financially.
- be kind to myself.
- grow and be a good partner.
- use Instagram more.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- no?
4. Did anyone close to you die?
- not that i can think of...
5. What countries did you visit?
- n/a
6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?
- enrollment in a PhD program.
- a clearer future.
- cohabitation with my partner.
- a solid goal to work towards. (PhD or otherwise.)
7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory?
- January 6th, 2018 (JST): the beginning of the first healthy relationship with the most amazing partner that i have ever had. <3
- August 4th, 2018 - September 9th, 2018 (JST): An unforgettable 5 weeks spent with Caspian here in Japan.
- November - early December: the grueling final leg of the application process to PhD programs.... the results of which at TBD.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- starting HRT.
- managing three other native English-speaking English teachers at my school, keeping the 'department' from burning down several times, and playing host to the annual seminar-- all without having a mental breakdown. :D
- haven't fucked up my relationship with Caspian. yet.
- deciding to and following through with applying to grad school, regardless of the results.
9. What was your biggest failure?
- not studying efficiently for the GRE.
- not managing my time better when preparing my applications.
- having zero money saved.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- ended up with pink eye early on in the year.
- apparently, i have a mildly severe allergy to something in youkan/羊羹. the most likely suspect is agar-agar, but i need to be tested.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
- whatever i bought in preparation for and during Caspian's visit?
- all the money spent on grad school applications is either among the best or The Worst. TBD.
- tickets for me and Calcifer to America... although, if i'm being honest, this is both awesome and scary at the same time.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
- ...i'm actually going to pat myself on the back this year. i put up with a lot of pressure, stress and anxiety this year and have come out on the other side of it pretty well. i credit this both to self-care and to antidepressants.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- goddamn that bastard named Trump.
14. Where did most of your money go?
- psych sessions + antidepressants
- student loans, credit card debt
- Calcifer (paying off his purchase)
- god knows what because i'm too materialistic
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- starting HRT.
- my relationship with Caspian (although not going to lie, there was a lot of fear mixed in there too for a while).
- their visit/stay with me here in Japan.
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2018?
*checks Spotify*
- Janelle Monáe - Make Me Feel
- Janelle Monáe - Crazy, Classic, Life
- Janelle Monáe - PYNK
-- and for the record, i'm not even a huge fan of hers or anything, she just kicked 2018's ass. 🏳️🌈
- LSD - Mountains (feat. Sia, Diplo, Labrinth)
- LSD - Thunderclouds (feat. Sia, Diplo, Labrinth)
-- Sia is basically my English language goddess of music. all hail Sia.
- Daughter - Run
- Woodkid - I Love You
- Woodkid - Volcano
- Woodkid - Conquest of Spaces
-- fucking love everything Woodkid. <3
- Kendrick Lamar, SZA - All The Stars (Black Panther OST)
- The Weeknd & Kendrick Lamar - Pray For Me (Black Panther OST)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. happier or sadder?
- happier
b. thinner or fatter?
- fatter. 3kg fatter. ;(
c. richer or poorer?
- poorer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- saving money. (same as last year)
- cycling. (same as last year)
- preparation for grad school applications.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- spending money. (same as last year)
- not cycling. (same as last year)
- anxious and stressed out.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
- working.
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
- Caspian. <3
22. Did you fall in love in 2018
- ...hook line and sinker.
- for the first time ever.
- technically started in 2017, though.
23. How many one night stands in this last year?
- ha.
24. What was your favorite TV programme?
- Orange Is The New Black
- Steven Universe
- やがて君になる
(still need to get my hands on Pose and catch up on Queen Sugar.)
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- ...well, i mean, i'm not on speaking terms with Haru, but i don't hate him.
26. What was the best book(s) you read?
- ogod, ask me later. i've mostly just read articles and stuff.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- Woodkid
28. What did you want and get?
- HRT
- respect at work.
- Caspian visiting me in Japan. <3 (selfish, i know.)
- a sense of direction in life... for now.
29. What did you want and not get?
- better at saving money.
30. What were your favourite films of this year?
- BLACK PANTHER OH MY FUCKING GOD.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- was 33. work.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
- the Japanese government not hunting me down for every yen that i have. (same as last year)
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
*if i had a "concept" it was the same as always:
- grayscale with some brown and yellow.
- coats/jackets/sweaters.
- rings.
- boots.
(same as always. i never change.)
34. What kept you sane?
- music.
- Caspian.
- Calcifer.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- Janelle Monáe, probably.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
- Trump can go jump off a cliff already.
37. Who did you miss?
- Caspian. <3
38. Who was the best new person you met?
- uhh... Rachel (coworker), probably.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.
- とりあえずやってみよう。 / try anyway. no excuses.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
♪ "When you open me
All the power in me moves
How you want to see
All the depths of me real
When you open me
All the power in me moves
I feel real"
- The Irrepressibles - Two Men In Love ♫
2018 has been the first majorly positive year that i’ve had in (what feels like) a long time... and hopefully 2019 will turn that into a trend, because hooooly shit it’s going to be another year of firsts since i'll be moving back to the States?! for good?!?! hopefully starting a PhD program, maybe?!?!?!?!
頑張る。
previous new year's memes:
2017 :: 2016 :: 2015 :: 2014 :: 2013 :: 2012 :: 2011 :: 2010 :: 2009 :: 2008 :: 2007
1. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?
- been in a relationship since having come out as ace / queer / non-binary
- been in a non-hetero (non-binary/maverique) relationship (01/06/2018 ~ !!!)
- been in a relationship that's actually healthy and amazing
- managed a small department of (4) people
- casually came out to coworkers
- been on testosterone (HRT) for 11 months (nearly 12!)
- had my partner stay with me in Japan for 5 weeks
- experienced all kinds of feels that i've never feel'd before
- initiated things that i never thought i would....
- successfully confused people about my assigned gender at birth
- have had no monthly hell for nearly a year!! (02/10/2018 ~ !!!)
2. Did you keep your New Years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
*resolutions for 2018:
- start HRT. → YES! almost 1 year ago. <3
- be more authentically myself. → yes?
- take things slow, check in with myself and actually listen. → yes. as best i could, anyway.
- STOP BEING SO POOR, even if i still can't manage a savings. → ...yeah, no.
- study Japanese, even if not regularly. → nope. have given up on this entirely.
- take the JLPT N1 at least once, whether i pass or fail or not. → nope. see above.
*resolutions for 2019:
- learn how to cut my own hair.
- ...get into grad school? (not really a resolution since i either will or i wont at this point, but...)
- do reasonably well in grad school? (provided i even get in at all...)
- don't give up on myself if i don't get into a program.
- move back to the States, finances in tact.
- relearn how to be a brokeass person in America.
- land a part-time (?) job at least until something better or grad school comes around.
- no mental breakdowns.
- TRY to not complain excessively about life in America.
- pull my weight financially.
- be kind to myself.
- grow and be a good partner.
- use Instagram more.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- no?
4. Did anyone close to you die?
- not that i can think of...
5. What countries did you visit?
- n/a
6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?
- enrollment in a PhD program.
- a clearer future.
- cohabitation with my partner.
- a solid goal to work towards. (PhD or otherwise.)
7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory?
- January 6th, 2018 (JST): the beginning of the first healthy relationship with the most amazing partner that i have ever had. <3
- August 4th, 2018 - September 9th, 2018 (JST): An unforgettable 5 weeks spent with Caspian here in Japan.
- November - early December: the grueling final leg of the application process to PhD programs.... the results of which at TBD.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- starting HRT.
- managing three other native English-speaking English teachers at my school, keeping the 'department' from burning down several times, and playing host to the annual seminar-- all without having a mental breakdown. :D
- haven't fucked up my relationship with Caspian. yet.
- deciding to and following through with applying to grad school, regardless of the results.
9. What was your biggest failure?
- not studying efficiently for the GRE.
- not managing my time better when preparing my applications.
- having zero money saved.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- ended up with pink eye early on in the year.
- apparently, i have a mildly severe allergy to something in youkan/羊羹. the most likely suspect is agar-agar, but i need to be tested.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
- whatever i bought in preparation for and during Caspian's visit?
- all the money spent on grad school applications is either among the best or The Worst. TBD.
- tickets for me and Calcifer to America... although, if i'm being honest, this is both awesome and scary at the same time.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
- ...i'm actually going to pat myself on the back this year. i put up with a lot of pressure, stress and anxiety this year and have come out on the other side of it pretty well. i credit this both to self-care and to antidepressants.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- goddamn that bastard named Trump.
14. Where did most of your money go?
- psych sessions + antidepressants
- student loans, credit card debt
- Calcifer (paying off his purchase)
- god knows what because i'm too materialistic
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- starting HRT.
- my relationship with Caspian (although not going to lie, there was a lot of fear mixed in there too for a while).
- their visit/stay with me here in Japan.
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2018?
*checks Spotify*
- Janelle Monáe - Make Me Feel
- Janelle Monáe - Crazy, Classic, Life
- Janelle Monáe - PYNK
-- and for the record, i'm not even a huge fan of hers or anything, she just kicked 2018's ass. 🏳️🌈
- LSD - Mountains (feat. Sia, Diplo, Labrinth)
- LSD - Thunderclouds (feat. Sia, Diplo, Labrinth)
-- Sia is basically my English language goddess of music. all hail Sia.
- Daughter - Run
- Woodkid - I Love You
- Woodkid - Volcano
- Woodkid - Conquest of Spaces
-- fucking love everything Woodkid. <3
- Kendrick Lamar, SZA - All The Stars (Black Panther OST)
- The Weeknd & Kendrick Lamar - Pray For Me (Black Panther OST)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. happier or sadder?
- happier
b. thinner or fatter?
- fatter. 3kg fatter. ;(
c. richer or poorer?
- poorer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- saving money. (same as last year)
- cycling. (same as last year)
- preparation for grad school applications.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- spending money. (same as last year)
- not cycling. (same as last year)
- anxious and stressed out.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
- working.
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
- Caspian. <3
22. Did you fall in love in 2018
- ...hook line and sinker.
- for the first time ever.
- technically started in 2017, though.
23. How many one night stands in this last year?
- ha.
24. What was your favorite TV programme?
- Orange Is The New Black
- Steven Universe
- やがて君になる
(still need to get my hands on Pose and catch up on Queen Sugar.)
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- ...well, i mean, i'm not on speaking terms with Haru, but i don't hate him.
26. What was the best book(s) you read?
- ogod, ask me later. i've mostly just read articles and stuff.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- Woodkid
28. What did you want and get?
- HRT
- respect at work.
- Caspian visiting me in Japan. <3 (selfish, i know.)
- a sense of direction in life... for now.
29. What did you want and not get?
- better at saving money.
30. What were your favourite films of this year?
- BLACK PANTHER OH MY FUCKING GOD.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- was 33. work.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
- the Japanese government not hunting me down for every yen that i have. (same as last year)
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
*if i had a "concept" it was the same as always:
- grayscale with some brown and yellow.
- coats/jackets/sweaters.
- rings.
- boots.
(same as always. i never change.)
34. What kept you sane?
- music.
- Caspian.
- Calcifer.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- Janelle Monáe, probably.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
- Trump can go jump off a cliff already.
37. Who did you miss?
- Caspian. <3
38. Who was the best new person you met?
- uhh... Rachel (coworker), probably.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.
- とりあえずやってみよう。 / try anyway. no excuses.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Click to view♪ "When you open me
All the power in me moves
How you want to see
All the depths of me real
When you open me
All the power in me moves
I feel real"
- The Irrepressibles - Two Men In Love ♫