2 years from now...
i've been putting off typing this entry for many reasons, but i guess i might as well get it over and done with. i am making this entry public only because i`d rather certain lj-less people know of this entry`s... "stuff" without me having to tell them.
lately i`ve had reason to spend hours thinking about my future. or rather, i`ve had reason to spend hours rethinking my future. that reason being that a few weeks ago my now ex-boyfriend of 5 years and i decided to part ways. i don`t often mention him in this lj so some of you may not have even known, but yeah. i had a boyfriend. not too long ago i wrote an entry where i said that this year would probably be my last year in Japan. i said "probably" intentionally as despite being fairly confident that this would be my last year at the time, there was still the chance that it wouldn`t be because my relationship with my ex-bf was and had been rough for a while. now that my main reason for leaving Japan next year is gone... i wont be going back next year not only because i`ve lost my reason to, but also because i honestly have no idea what the hell i would do back in America.
but even if i stay in Japan for a 3rd year, then what? what the hell am i going to do after that?? during that time, no matter what i decide to pursue in the future, i need to save as much money as possible, of course. but yeah... aside from that, i have no idea where my life is headed now. i have no idea what i should aim for aside from saving money because i have no idea what it is i want to do with my life. i don`t even know what job/career i want to pursue. >_>;
it really sucks to have lost all direction in life.
the farthest into the future that i can see myself doing anything is going back to school to either attempt mastery of Japanese or to get some M.A.. don`t ask me what M.A., i can`t even tell you that. i can`t even tell you what i would want to do with fluency in Japanese. it`s just something that i`ve wanted to attain... >_>;;
if i went back to school for an M.A., would i go to school in Japan or America?
after that, would i try for a job in Japan or America?
hell, maybe i should go teach English in S. Korea or something. that would allow me to make more money without moving forward in life any since i don`t know what i should be moving towards.
the best word to describe my feelings & situation right now is ビミョウ. don`t even ask me to translate that and don`t bother looking for a translation because i doubt you`ll find and accurate one. everything i see and feel for now is tainted with ビミョウness. i`m not the type of person to wallow around in helpless depression, though, so i am and will be fine. i just have a lot of thinking and looking into things to do, as well as a lot of decisions to make.
i suppose this is as good a time as any to say that while i will still be going to Nagoya on thursday night, i have canceled my trip to Kyoto that was supposed to happen later this month... with good reason! i needed the money to go to Australia and New Zealand for christmas.
Australia! New Zealand!
HUZZAH!! how`s that for proactiveness in my ビミョウness? got good prices on the tickets, too. "huzzah!!" xLOTS.
lately i`ve had reason to spend hours thinking about my future. or rather, i`ve had reason to spend hours rethinking my future. that reason being that a few weeks ago my now ex-boyfriend of 5 years and i decided to part ways. i don`t often mention him in this lj so some of you may not have even known, but yeah. i had a boyfriend. not too long ago i wrote an entry where i said that this year would probably be my last year in Japan. i said "probably" intentionally as despite being fairly confident that this would be my last year at the time, there was still the chance that it wouldn`t be because my relationship with my ex-bf was and had been rough for a while. now that my main reason for leaving Japan next year is gone... i wont be going back next year not only because i`ve lost my reason to, but also because i honestly have no idea what the hell i would do back in America.
but even if i stay in Japan for a 3rd year, then what? what the hell am i going to do after that?? during that time, no matter what i decide to pursue in the future, i need to save as much money as possible, of course. but yeah... aside from that, i have no idea where my life is headed now. i have no idea what i should aim for aside from saving money because i have no idea what it is i want to do with my life. i don`t even know what job/career i want to pursue. >_>;
it really sucks to have lost all direction in life.
the farthest into the future that i can see myself doing anything is going back to school to either attempt mastery of Japanese or to get some M.A.. don`t ask me what M.A., i can`t even tell you that. i can`t even tell you what i would want to do with fluency in Japanese. it`s just something that i`ve wanted to attain... >_>;;
if i went back to school for an M.A., would i go to school in Japan or America?
after that, would i try for a job in Japan or America?
hell, maybe i should go teach English in S. Korea or something. that would allow me to make more money without moving forward in life any since i don`t know what i should be moving towards.
the best word to describe my feelings & situation right now is ビミョウ. don`t even ask me to translate that and don`t bother looking for a translation because i doubt you`ll find and accurate one. everything i see and feel for now is tainted with ビミョウness. i`m not the type of person to wallow around in helpless depression, though, so i am and will be fine. i just have a lot of thinking and looking into things to do, as well as a lot of decisions to make.
i suppose this is as good a time as any to say that while i will still be going to Nagoya on thursday night, i have canceled my trip to Kyoto that was supposed to happen later this month... with good reason! i needed the money to go to Australia and New Zealand for christmas.
Australia! New Zealand!
HUZZAH!! how`s that for proactiveness in my ビミョウness? got good prices on the tickets, too. "huzzah!!" xLOTS.