Old Haunts, I Care Not
I am haunted.
I admit that this is of my own weak nature. The words, often, echo through my head, and I must pause. I must make a decision. A decision of spite, anger, and regret. This is the stuff of me. These are the threads that stitch me together. "Do I prove her wrong?" I have been in a downward spiral, in what seems to be an everlasting slow-motion. Such is time, though.
I cannot let you win. I cannot become better without the bitter. What you did, how it crushed me, that can never be justified. Mark me, it never will be. Spite and Malice. This is the form that you bore, and the impression you imparted on my twisted self.
It is, therefore, my deepest desire, to prove you wrong, whilst also becoming someone better for those who have walked the roads, since you, with me.
I am fearless. Not because of you. Not because of your wish, not because of your "blessings", but because of me. Because of what I have endured at the cost of you, but mostly of my own foolishness and unnecessary rage.
Forward. Not because of you, but for the others who deserve the best from me.
There is no more fire here, there is no more light. This is not a place for the living.
I am living.
So I reject your offer. I will not march. No. I will do nothing of you, for you, by you, or because of you any longer.
With that I lay the bones to rest. The bones of a much since dead failure that we shared.
Good bye and good riddance.
I turn myself aside, to someone new.
Why, why are you, too, causing me grief?
There is no reason for the hurt you bring. I did not wrong you. You wronged me. We went our own ways and that has been that. Yet here, yet now, you have come back through my thoughts and dreams, and I do not want you here. You are the cumulation of mistakes, missteps, and self destruction. You and I are apart where no more of my past need come back. All who you cherish I have cut away from my life. Not for you, for me. You never have, nor will need me, and I will never give myself to the likes of you again. For the last many years I have lived, nearly, alone because of you. I have paid for your wrongs, dearly, and it is not fair to twist that knife.
I am haunted.
I care not.
Before me paths wind onward.
The hurts you have caused, all of you, will not be the chains of my prison any longer.
I am not strong. I am aflame.
I care not.
Either consume me whole, or forge me.
I care not.
I am haunted,
but not by you. You don't deserve it.
I admit that this is of my own weak nature. The words, often, echo through my head, and I must pause. I must make a decision. A decision of spite, anger, and regret. This is the stuff of me. These are the threads that stitch me together. "Do I prove her wrong?" I have been in a downward spiral, in what seems to be an everlasting slow-motion. Such is time, though.
I cannot let you win. I cannot become better without the bitter. What you did, how it crushed me, that can never be justified. Mark me, it never will be. Spite and Malice. This is the form that you bore, and the impression you imparted on my twisted self.
It is, therefore, my deepest desire, to prove you wrong, whilst also becoming someone better for those who have walked the roads, since you, with me.
I am fearless. Not because of you. Not because of your wish, not because of your "blessings", but because of me. Because of what I have endured at the cost of you, but mostly of my own foolishness and unnecessary rage.
Forward. Not because of you, but for the others who deserve the best from me.
There is no more fire here, there is no more light. This is not a place for the living.
I am living.
So I reject your offer. I will not march. No. I will do nothing of you, for you, by you, or because of you any longer.
With that I lay the bones to rest. The bones of a much since dead failure that we shared.
Good bye and good riddance.
I turn myself aside, to someone new.
Why, why are you, too, causing me grief?
There is no reason for the hurt you bring. I did not wrong you. You wronged me. We went our own ways and that has been that. Yet here, yet now, you have come back through my thoughts and dreams, and I do not want you here. You are the cumulation of mistakes, missteps, and self destruction. You and I are apart where no more of my past need come back. All who you cherish I have cut away from my life. Not for you, for me. You never have, nor will need me, and I will never give myself to the likes of you again. For the last many years I have lived, nearly, alone because of you. I have paid for your wrongs, dearly, and it is not fair to twist that knife.
I am haunted.
I care not.
Before me paths wind onward.
The hurts you have caused, all of you, will not be the chains of my prison any longer.
I am not strong. I am aflame.
I care not.
Either consume me whole, or forge me.
I care not.
I am haunted,
but not by you. You don't deserve it.