back again
well it seems like i only write in this fucking thing when things are really bad or really good. i suppose now would probably be more of the former. ever since me and the bi-punker [who coincedentally isn't bi anymore-she's straight now] split up and reconciled our differences [we're still friends]i've been wondering who am i?
i think i've sort of realized that the reason that none of my relationships go anywhere is because i'm not that interesting, but i'm friggin insane ass well. i live my life either in slo motion or i live in hyperdrive. I feel that people don't like getting dragged down when i'm being a stinker and on the other hand i don't really know anybody that can keep up with me when i live ballz to the wall. i think that is why both the pharmacist and the bi-punker broke up with me. cuz i live/party too hard and in the end i probably treated them like crap aNd didn't even realize it.
I don't see the partying/drinking as a problem per se because other than getting arrested that one time. I haven't had any problems stemming from it. Like, i get to work on time and i get everything done. I'm only one class away from getting my masters and i've done pretty well to this point in it. the only aspect i find that is affected is with girls.
but i can't even say that it's just the drinking. because actually, my relationships have been getting much longer than they were in say high school [because i didn't have any] or in college [3 weeks tops].
So anywho, now that i'm done ranting about my drinking problem. i think i need to address my personality. cuz i don't really have one. I don't really have ANY passions. I think it's cuz i'm good at EVERYTHING so i've never developed anything that is particularly special to me. i mean i go to parties and talk to people and pretty much i really only get attention when i'm telling stories about some crazy thing that happened.
My job is dull and boring and i don't really like talking about it. Essentially, whenever i bring up my major, 80% of the time i get "WOAH you must be smart...i could never do that. the highest level class like that i took was business math or science for retards" And frankly, when i talk to most kids in my major [especially if it's about science] i think they are dreadfully boring. I am mediocre [cuz i'm out of shape] at all sports i play. I'm musically retarded. I don't really have any favorite bands or movies. I'm never motivated towards any one thing for more than a few months so i never really learn anything like rock climbing or snowboarding, etc.
anywho it's late and i need to wake up early, so i'll clear this up tomorrow or something. perhaps crystallize my feelings on my lack of any interesting personality traits.
i think i've sort of realized that the reason that none of my relationships go anywhere is because i'm not that interesting, but i'm friggin insane ass well. i live my life either in slo motion or i live in hyperdrive. I feel that people don't like getting dragged down when i'm being a stinker and on the other hand i don't really know anybody that can keep up with me when i live ballz to the wall. i think that is why both the pharmacist and the bi-punker broke up with me. cuz i live/party too hard and in the end i probably treated them like crap aNd didn't even realize it.
I don't see the partying/drinking as a problem per se because other than getting arrested that one time. I haven't had any problems stemming from it. Like, i get to work on time and i get everything done. I'm only one class away from getting my masters and i've done pretty well to this point in it. the only aspect i find that is affected is with girls.
but i can't even say that it's just the drinking. because actually, my relationships have been getting much longer than they were in say high school [because i didn't have any] or in college [3 weeks tops].
So anywho, now that i'm done ranting about my drinking problem. i think i need to address my personality. cuz i don't really have one. I don't really have ANY passions. I think it's cuz i'm good at EVERYTHING so i've never developed anything that is particularly special to me. i mean i go to parties and talk to people and pretty much i really only get attention when i'm telling stories about some crazy thing that happened.
My job is dull and boring and i don't really like talking about it. Essentially, whenever i bring up my major, 80% of the time i get "WOAH you must be smart...i could never do that. the highest level class like that i took was business math or science for retards" And frankly, when i talk to most kids in my major [especially if it's about science] i think they are dreadfully boring. I am mediocre [cuz i'm out of shape] at all sports i play. I'm musically retarded. I don't really have any favorite bands or movies. I'm never motivated towards any one thing for more than a few months so i never really learn anything like rock climbing or snowboarding, etc.
anywho it's late and i need to wake up early, so i'll clear this up tomorrow or something. perhaps crystallize my feelings on my lack of any interesting personality traits.