Diapers
1: Another week of work. Can't I just fast forward?
2: You would fast forward and throw away part of your life?
1: Yes. I don't like that part of my life, I want to skip it.
2: Time is expensive. Why don't you fill it with something else?
1: Money has to come from somewhere.
2: It doesn't have to come from hell.
1: Haha, well I'm not really cut out for anything else.
2: Why don't you cut yourself for something else?
1: Hey, that's just how things work. All joy must be bought with an equal amount of suffering.
2: No it doesn't.
1: You don't understand. If I want to have a few drinks and a good time, I'm going to pay for it in the morning.
2: Clearly, you have never heard of pedialyte.
1: What does baby food have to do with any of this?
2: There's more than one way to look at something, and everything has more than one use. Think that way, and you can leave hell.
1: Well, let's leave the rest of my life out of this. How can I find a different job? Nobody will hire me for anything else.
2: Why not get new training?
1: I have training, but those jobs I hate even more, and the people I worked with were jerks.
2: How are the people here?
1: Jerks.
2: Who hired you?
1: The jerk from corporate.
2: So the only people who will work with you are people who don't like you?
1: I guess.
2: Why don't you change who you are?
1: You shouldn't have to change who you are to have other people like you.
2: Do the jerks you work with like you?
1: Yeah, some of them.
2: Do they like you?
1: Yeah, some of them.
2: Then why do you say they are all jerks?
1: They do stupid things, and I don't like how they treat me.
2: Do you wish they were different!
1: YES! My work would be SO much better if they were different! Why can't they just change?!
2: Why should they have to change to make you happy?
1: Very funny, I see what you did there, asshole... That's different.
2: Yeah, it is.
1: ...What?
2: You can change yourself, and you can't change them.
1: I don't need to change.
2: No, you don't.
1: Then why are we talking about this?
2: Because you're not happy.
1: I'm not happy because my life sucks, not because I need to change who I am. I'm me, and that's who I want to be.
2: Me too.
1: Then why did you say I should change?
2: Because your life will be better, your friends will be better, and your life will be more fulfilling and satisfying.
1: I thought you said you were you, and that's who you wanted to be! So, which is it?
2: I'm me, and true to myself.
1: Then why don't YOU change?
2: I do, so I'm pretty happy. When I don't like something, I change it. If I can't, I either deal with it, or leave and change whatever I need to, to make it work.
1: That's not being "true to yourself", that's just selling out.
2: No, because who I really am is someone who changes.
1: Then you're just a turncoat.
2: No, I just value my time and myself, and my life.
1: Well la-dee-da! Aren't we just FULL of ourself?!
2: Did saying that to me make you happy with yourself?
1: YES!
2: Well, it's good that you're happy.
1: God, you're such a smartass! Not everybody wants to do things your way!
2: That's what you said last time. It's getting boring and monotonous, and tiresome. I wish I could just fast forward.
1: To when?
2: To when you are nice again. Though, this will always be who you are. You're not really thinking.
1: So now I'm stupid, too!?
2: Maybe I shouldn't fast forward.
1: I agree. We're having this out, right now. You're a jerk.
2: No, I mean I don't think I want to fast forward anymore.
1: What?
2: It'd just be a better part of the same tape.
1: What's wrong with getting to a good part?
2: You mean, leave everything as it is and just be patient?
1: Yeah, then you'll be happy.
2: What happened to us "having this out"?
1: Well, now you seem to understand.
2: Understand that if I just leave things alone, I'll be happy?
1: Yeah. Just chill out, and stop being such an asshole.
2: I think it's time to change the tape.
1: What?
2: I want to be happy.
1: Just shut up, and stop being a pain in the ass.
2: I don't think I'm going to change for you. It doesn't make sense.
1: Well la-dee-da! Aren't we just FULL of ourself?!
2: You already said that.
1: God, you're such a smartass!
2: I'm starting to see why change is important.
1: So what, you're just going to leave?
2: Well, I was going to say, change allows a conversation to go somewhere.
1: What, you think you're so much better than me?
2: No, but I'm willing to have patience with uncertainty, in order to have a better life, instead of changing nothing, and having patience for the parts that suck less.
1: You sound like a fortune cookie, or a self-help book.
2: What do you want?
1: I want you to leave me alone.
2: Good advice.
1: Advice? You're bothering me! Shut up!
2: That's what I mean, someday I'll just start talking again. Fast forwarding doesn't make sense. It's time to change the tape-- I'll just leave.
1: You'll be back!
...
(That doesn't make sense. Why would I go back?.. But it's probably true.)
2: You would fast forward and throw away part of your life?
1: Yes. I don't like that part of my life, I want to skip it.
2: Time is expensive. Why don't you fill it with something else?
1: Money has to come from somewhere.
2: It doesn't have to come from hell.
1: Haha, well I'm not really cut out for anything else.
2: Why don't you cut yourself for something else?
1: Hey, that's just how things work. All joy must be bought with an equal amount of suffering.
2: No it doesn't.
1: You don't understand. If I want to have a few drinks and a good time, I'm going to pay for it in the morning.
2: Clearly, you have never heard of pedialyte.
1: What does baby food have to do with any of this?
2: There's more than one way to look at something, and everything has more than one use. Think that way, and you can leave hell.
1: Well, let's leave the rest of my life out of this. How can I find a different job? Nobody will hire me for anything else.
2: Why not get new training?
1: I have training, but those jobs I hate even more, and the people I worked with were jerks.
2: How are the people here?
1: Jerks.
2: Who hired you?
1: The jerk from corporate.
2: So the only people who will work with you are people who don't like you?
1: I guess.
2: Why don't you change who you are?
1: You shouldn't have to change who you are to have other people like you.
2: Do the jerks you work with like you?
1: Yeah, some of them.
2: Do they like you?
1: Yeah, some of them.
2: Then why do you say they are all jerks?
1: They do stupid things, and I don't like how they treat me.
2: Do you wish they were different!
1: YES! My work would be SO much better if they were different! Why can't they just change?!
2: Why should they have to change to make you happy?
1: Very funny, I see what you did there, asshole... That's different.
2: Yeah, it is.
1: ...What?
2: You can change yourself, and you can't change them.
1: I don't need to change.
2: No, you don't.
1: Then why are we talking about this?
2: Because you're not happy.
1: I'm not happy because my life sucks, not because I need to change who I am. I'm me, and that's who I want to be.
2: Me too.
1: Then why did you say I should change?
2: Because your life will be better, your friends will be better, and your life will be more fulfilling and satisfying.
1: I thought you said you were you, and that's who you wanted to be! So, which is it?
2: I'm me, and true to myself.
1: Then why don't YOU change?
2: I do, so I'm pretty happy. When I don't like something, I change it. If I can't, I either deal with it, or leave and change whatever I need to, to make it work.
1: That's not being "true to yourself", that's just selling out.
2: No, because who I really am is someone who changes.
1: Then you're just a turncoat.
2: No, I just value my time and myself, and my life.
1: Well la-dee-da! Aren't we just FULL of ourself?!
2: Did saying that to me make you happy with yourself?
1: YES!
2: Well, it's good that you're happy.
1: God, you're such a smartass! Not everybody wants to do things your way!
2: That's what you said last time. It's getting boring and monotonous, and tiresome. I wish I could just fast forward.
1: To when?
2: To when you are nice again. Though, this will always be who you are. You're not really thinking.
1: So now I'm stupid, too!?
2: Maybe I shouldn't fast forward.
1: I agree. We're having this out, right now. You're a jerk.
2: No, I mean I don't think I want to fast forward anymore.
1: What?
2: It'd just be a better part of the same tape.
1: What's wrong with getting to a good part?
2: You mean, leave everything as it is and just be patient?
1: Yeah, then you'll be happy.
2: What happened to us "having this out"?
1: Well, now you seem to understand.
2: Understand that if I just leave things alone, I'll be happy?
1: Yeah. Just chill out, and stop being such an asshole.
2: I think it's time to change the tape.
1: What?
2: I want to be happy.
1: Just shut up, and stop being a pain in the ass.
2: I don't think I'm going to change for you. It doesn't make sense.
1: Well la-dee-da! Aren't we just FULL of ourself?!
2: You already said that.
1: God, you're such a smartass!
2: I'm starting to see why change is important.
1: So what, you're just going to leave?
2: Well, I was going to say, change allows a conversation to go somewhere.
1: What, you think you're so much better than me?
2: No, but I'm willing to have patience with uncertainty, in order to have a better life, instead of changing nothing, and having patience for the parts that suck less.
1: You sound like a fortune cookie, or a self-help book.
2: What do you want?
1: I want you to leave me alone.
2: Good advice.
1: Advice? You're bothering me! Shut up!
2: That's what I mean, someday I'll just start talking again. Fast forwarding doesn't make sense. It's time to change the tape-- I'll just leave.
1: You'll be back!
...
(That doesn't make sense. Why would I go back?.. But it's probably true.)