10, 10, 10, 10...Everything, Everything, Everything, Everything!
Back in ny.
I saw my "father" at side walk cafe yesterday night and i got sick and froze as usual. He mustve seen me because this afternoon he comes buzz buzz buzzin at our buzzer. Luckily i had just gotten up and was still moving slowly so i didnt getr the buzzer, jenna did. He begins to ask if alita is home. Jenna says no and tells him to go away. He then starts asking bullshit like where is she? when will she be home? And jenna tells him to leave. He ask for me and she replies the same. Cathy was in the apartment during this whole thing, and she just keep smiling at me curled up into a ball on the couch. Jenna proceeds to go downstaris and curse him out, sergio follows, cathy smiles, i squezze more into a ball.
Cathy listens to the conversation over the intercome and i listen to. I wont recite the whole thing but my favorite part was when he says to jenna " Jesus, your mother has brain washed you!" Which by that comment cathy couldnt help but let out a small laugh. Later on after he has left, cathy comes in to my room saying "You can see him if you want to, dont feel like you cant" She came in a few other times too saying things like " the balls in your court dakota" and " if you want a relationship with him it is you responsibillity to have one"
I dont know exactly how i feel. I dont really want a relationship with him. And after all that i wished i had gone down instead of jenna and told him what i want from him in my life instead of jenna doing it. But i didnt, and i didnt because i was scared there will always be that fright inside me towards him. And i dont think there will ever be love..as far as im concerned he really isnt a part of my family. He isnt my father.
Anyhow that was earlier, right now im am extreamly comfertable with the breeze from the window wispering sweet thoughts into my ear. I can hear my next door neighbor playing Violin, hehe, simple pleasures.
I cleaned my room today which im very proud of and i did things like paint my finger nails and make paper clip people.
Thats all i really wanted to wirte. To everyone, i hope you enjoy the special last days we have left of summer 2004.
It wont be the same ever as it is now.
Peace
I saw my "father" at side walk cafe yesterday night and i got sick and froze as usual. He mustve seen me because this afternoon he comes buzz buzz buzzin at our buzzer. Luckily i had just gotten up and was still moving slowly so i didnt getr the buzzer, jenna did. He begins to ask if alita is home. Jenna says no and tells him to go away. He then starts asking bullshit like where is she? when will she be home? And jenna tells him to leave. He ask for me and she replies the same. Cathy was in the apartment during this whole thing, and she just keep smiling at me curled up into a ball on the couch. Jenna proceeds to go downstaris and curse him out, sergio follows, cathy smiles, i squezze more into a ball.
Cathy listens to the conversation over the intercome and i listen to. I wont recite the whole thing but my favorite part was when he says to jenna " Jesus, your mother has brain washed you!" Which by that comment cathy couldnt help but let out a small laugh. Later on after he has left, cathy comes in to my room saying "You can see him if you want to, dont feel like you cant" She came in a few other times too saying things like " the balls in your court dakota" and " if you want a relationship with him it is you responsibillity to have one"
I dont know exactly how i feel. I dont really want a relationship with him. And after all that i wished i had gone down instead of jenna and told him what i want from him in my life instead of jenna doing it. But i didnt, and i didnt because i was scared there will always be that fright inside me towards him. And i dont think there will ever be love..as far as im concerned he really isnt a part of my family. He isnt my father.
Anyhow that was earlier, right now im am extreamly comfertable with the breeze from the window wispering sweet thoughts into my ear. I can hear my next door neighbor playing Violin, hehe, simple pleasures.
I cleaned my room today which im very proud of and i did things like paint my finger nails and make paper clip people.
Thats all i really wanted to wirte. To everyone, i hope you enjoy the special last days we have left of summer 2004.
It wont be the same ever as it is now.
Peace