Brain dump (cue world's tiniest violin) :p
So, I promised you a proper post. This isn't it. This is me after having an excellent evening at Fiona's birthday at Homer Place, having drunk a bottle of wine (yay cheap wine! Actually, it was rather nice, clearly my tastebuds have no class :p) have danced a bit, and mingled with people, bummed a smoke, got a lift home from marsden_online (thank you! :D) and am generally feeling well-disposed towards the world. (or at least the bits of the world with me in them). Post may contain whinging, but I'm actually in a good mood :)
So, since I last posted, there've been earthquakes, and Shit Has Changed in the city, but that was over a year ago now, so even though Shit Has Still Changed, it's woven itself into "normal". The occasional "aftershock" (yes, even after a year, they still count as "aftershocks") serves to remind you that this is a different city than it was, but I find myself curiously detached from it all. I suspect it's part of the (many) things wrong with my brain. *handwave* There will probably be a whole separate post on that topic. In any case, it means that the Earthquake Stuff doesn't really bother me unless it actually breaks something I own, or stops the buses. I'm aware this makes me a heartless individual, but frankly, I have enough trouble getting out of bed some mornings, the earthquake can shove it in The Place Where The Sun Does Not Shine. (Yes, I've been reading Pratchett again).
In other news, I'm done with uni. I haven't earned a shiny bit of paper to say I'm a valuable member of society, but I'm just... Done. The thought of spending the next 3 years (which is what it would take part-time, which is what I could honestly cope with) at uni to earn a BA (or BSc, either works with psyc) makes a small but important part of me die a little. It's not worth it. Especially since I can't work, in the traditional sense. I've only ever been at uni because it was interesting. It still is, but I can cherry-pick the interesting bits any time I want by visiting a library/the internet, and there's really no need any more for me to be adding to the pile of debt I already have. I've reached a point where I feel that my path is pulling me in a different direction. I don't regret the past few years. Or any of the courses I've done before uni, but I think my time in the education system (bless its rotten little heart) is finished. The government cutting course-related costs for part-time students didn't exactly help either. John Key deserves to be dumped in a pit of rotting fish-heads and left to dog-paddle for, oh, 7 hours or so, and then dumped in a cage with some hungry dogs.
The first question anyone asks me when I say I'm done with uni is "so, what are you going to do instead". It's a perfectly normal question to ask. It's the question I would ask. And yet, it bothers me. It shouldn't, I know I'm over-sensitive about it, because I don't really know the answer myself. But there's a part of me that wants to know why it's Not Ok to just...be, for a while. Without really doing anything that has a name. I mean, ok, I'll be making crafty things, probably, and maybe selling them, if I feel like it, but mostly I'm just going to be living in my house, and...being. I would like very much to be able to do that without feeling like the world is looking down its nose at me. This is unfair, I know it is, because I'm looking down my nose at me. I want to do...something. But I haven't found what yet, and I'd like to figure it out without feeling like I'm Doing It Wrong.
[/ramble] I did mention the wine, yes? Heh. Existential angst for the win.
Aaaaanyway, that's some of what is happening in my head at the moment, but it's not a proper post, just a brain-dump. Expect more ramblings in the near future :D (lucky you :p) Oh, and I REALLY need to update my icons.
So, since I last posted, there've been earthquakes, and Shit Has Changed in the city, but that was over a year ago now, so even though Shit Has Still Changed, it's woven itself into "normal". The occasional "aftershock" (yes, even after a year, they still count as "aftershocks") serves to remind you that this is a different city than it was, but I find myself curiously detached from it all. I suspect it's part of the (many) things wrong with my brain. *handwave* There will probably be a whole separate post on that topic. In any case, it means that the Earthquake Stuff doesn't really bother me unless it actually breaks something I own, or stops the buses. I'm aware this makes me a heartless individual, but frankly, I have enough trouble getting out of bed some mornings, the earthquake can shove it in The Place Where The Sun Does Not Shine. (Yes, I've been reading Pratchett again).
In other news, I'm done with uni. I haven't earned a shiny bit of paper to say I'm a valuable member of society, but I'm just... Done. The thought of spending the next 3 years (which is what it would take part-time, which is what I could honestly cope with) at uni to earn a BA (or BSc, either works with psyc) makes a small but important part of me die a little. It's not worth it. Especially since I can't work, in the traditional sense. I've only ever been at uni because it was interesting. It still is, but I can cherry-pick the interesting bits any time I want by visiting a library/the internet, and there's really no need any more for me to be adding to the pile of debt I already have. I've reached a point where I feel that my path is pulling me in a different direction. I don't regret the past few years. Or any of the courses I've done before uni, but I think my time in the education system (bless its rotten little heart) is finished. The government cutting course-related costs for part-time students didn't exactly help either. John Key deserves to be dumped in a pit of rotting fish-heads and left to dog-paddle for, oh, 7 hours or so, and then dumped in a cage with some hungry dogs.
The first question anyone asks me when I say I'm done with uni is "so, what are you going to do instead". It's a perfectly normal question to ask. It's the question I would ask. And yet, it bothers me. It shouldn't, I know I'm over-sensitive about it, because I don't really know the answer myself. But there's a part of me that wants to know why it's Not Ok to just...be, for a while. Without really doing anything that has a name. I mean, ok, I'll be making crafty things, probably, and maybe selling them, if I feel like it, but mostly I'm just going to be living in my house, and...being. I would like very much to be able to do that without feeling like the world is looking down its nose at me. This is unfair, I know it is, because I'm looking down my nose at me. I want to do...something. But I haven't found what yet, and I'd like to figure it out without feeling like I'm Doing It Wrong.
[/ramble] I did mention the wine, yes? Heh. Existential angst for the win.
Aaaaanyway, that's some of what is happening in my head at the moment, but it's not a proper post, just a brain-dump. Expect more ramblings in the near future :D (lucky you :p) Oh, and I REALLY need to update my icons.