Sigh...well I'm home again.
Meow. I know I know..I'm not supposed to be back until the 10th...but something happened. Grandmother went psychotic and I had to come home early. Looks like I'm not going to be living there either. Sigh. I so wanted to go to Bolton...but I guess I won't be going there after all. Grandmother has gone like totally berserk. She wouldn't even allow my mother to talk to me....at all. She took the phone off the hook so my mother couldn't call. Mom called the police so they would come out to the house and make Grandmother put the phone back on the hook. Then Grams started spazing on my friend Sara so I poured my Dr. Pepper all over her and packed my bags and left. I was about to walk to the damn bus station but Sara came and picked me up. I stayed at her house last night and hopped the bus this morning about 9am...I've only just gotten home. Mom's taking me to see my Harry Potter movie tonight. (I'm SOOOOOOO sorry Trey. I swear I tried to stay one more day so we could go see it together but mom wanted me home today! I'm really sorry lovebun but I just couldn't stay. Forgive me? *puppy eyes*) But yea...I'm like soooo tired from that 10 hour bus ride. But ooooh well. I'm still totally going to see my Harry Potter movie...screw the numb bus butt syndrome. Ah...I wrote down a whole bunch of stuff while I was on the bus (both coming and going) so I could type it out on here when I got home...so here goes....
Going to Alexandria----
I met a homeless man on my way to Alexandria. Such a sweet little soul. A bit spacey, but kind. He said he had been out of the country for 40 years (in Japan). I didn't believe him but his bag did say "Air New Zealand" and he was carrying a map of the United States, looking at it as if he hadn't seen the US in ages. Perhaps he was telling the truth. I feel sympathy for the poor dottering old man. Turns out that he had to stay at a boarding house in Houma so he could have a place to live. I also met an old lady...she seems really nice. She smokes though (Uck!). An dthis one guy, who's like in his 30's is in the middle of a custody battle for his little boy with his ex-wife. (Which his story killed my hope for love.) He bought the homeless man (I have taken to calling him Milo, because thats the name that strikes a cord within me when I see his eyes...he just looks like a Milo), he bought him som good ole cajun boudin. Hehe...the 30 something year old is like soooo countryfied. Especially his accent. But he's nice too. Then there was this guy w/ dreadlocks. He didn't know who I was, but he was nice enough to offer to carry my bags out to the bus because he saw me struggling with them (They were like 3 times bigger than I am). -Smiles- I'm just in a sweet and caring mood right now. -Frowns- The driver was a bit rude to Milo though. Mmm. Milo has taken to callling me "Irish" because I was wearing my Notre Dame hat with the word Irish on the back...lol. He really is a funny little old man.
And now we're on our way again. Some going home, some visiting family, some visiting friends. All of us off to somewhere that will effect our lives. I know the people on I met on this bus have affected me in several ways. I can't name them all right off the top of my head, but I know they've affected how I look at this world and it's inhabitants.
The bayou sites are really gorgeous. You should see them. We're coming up on Morrigan City right now. I never realized just how big the bayou really is. But it's soo beautiful. Sometimes the veggitation is so thick that you could never be able to tell that it's really all just water and muck. The flowers and such are so wonderful. I'm amazed and in awe over all this umtamed and wild beauty. I hope it stays untamed and wild too, else all this beauty will be trampled upon and torn up and ruined. I don't want that to happen. This world needs as much beauty and wonder as it can possibly get.
I want to cry now. I saw this young couple, around my age. But the girl was like really rather large and the guy was kinda average but tall. I could tell they loved each other...like really loved each other. It was in the way they held each other as they said thier goodbyes. And I'll I could think about was...why don't I have that? I did have that once...with Teddy...but it ws unrequited so I guess I never really had it...just a taste of it. But I could have it now with one of the three guys lined up for me. My only problem is...I don't want it with them. I do want that kind of love. I want to be held and loved like that. Cared for like that. I want to love and hold and care for like that.
UGH! I need to stop feeling sorry for myself! I'm disgusting my own self with myself-pity. How sad is that?!
At Grandmother's house----
You should really see this. It's raing but God it certianly is beautiful. I forgot what rain was like here in Alexandria. The smell of the city and the smell of the rain mixing is soo awesome. It kinda smells like when you just turn on the cold shower water and let it run for a while. I love that smell. And the lighting is soooooo gorgeous. And a big crack of thunder hits every now and then. Just makes the scene more breath taking. So much energy running through the air and earth right now. Perfect time for me to practice my meditation.
On the way home-----
I'm coming to realize that my hurt from the break up with Teddy is quickly fading. I'm not really all that hurt about it anymore...just a little down trodden that it couldn't last and he didn't love me the way I loved him...and I'm somewhat insulted that he didn't, because I did give him everything of me...yet he couldn't see any of it...all he was focused on was his pain over Katie. But I did and still do love him. Always will I suppose. He was my first after all.
Well thats about it. -Shrugs- Those were my thoughts. Like em, or don't. I don't care.
~Janie~