YOU'RE OUR FOREVER ' - T " KOKI.. WE WILL ALWAYS BE HYPHENS. FOR YOU AND FOR KAT-TUN~♥
This entry is solely about my reactions and what i had become today after hearing the news of Koki. I'm in no condition to shorten this our or edit it so pls bear with it. You've been warned. Thank you~
Today, Oct9, at 4:45am (PST) after just a few minutes from waking up earky in the morning to prepare for work, I have read the most shocking and depressing news i've ever heard in 3yrs. J&A officially announced in Johnnys Web that Koki, due to a his repeated violations of the company rules & regulations, it has been decided to have his exclusive contract with J&A terminated. At first, I was like ARE YOU FREAKIN SERIOUS? then my twitter timeline got bombarded one after another, updates of it that proved its a legit one. then, I BROKE DOWN. EARLY IN THE MORNING. WHILE IM IN THE BATHROOM. SOBBING AND CRYING MY EYES OUT. BEFORE GOING TO WORK. Luckily, I was in the bathroom that time coz if not, I'm afraid people here will see me and think im crazy crying over an idol. (well they dunno anything about fandom and fangirling. Also, Dad keeps telling me not to do this and that. >___< ) While Im at work, whenever theres a gap or break, i always think of him, KT and the situation. I cant concentrate and tried my hardest to put a smile on my face so others wont notice how sad I am. That I'm not my usual self. I also tryin to hold back my tears from falling. After work, I was outside crossing the street on my way, I had my headset/earphones on and was listening to KT song, then I cant helped it, a tear fell. I dunno whats wrong anymore. I am emotionally , mentally and physically occupied. I was having this headache attack from 2pm up to 7pm and i feel sick. Im thinking that maybe it was aggravated by what i am going through. Today has been a tough one for me. A day which i regarded as one of those heartbreaking days in my fangirl life. I dont feel like eating much and even watching TV. I cant flail KT updates even though i RT-ed em. I just cant seem to be myself, After learning about Koki, I cant think straight anymore. What I felt? Anger, Pain, Madness, Depression and just.. BLANK. Its like i cant absorb all that is happening. Like what the others describe it, it feels like this is a nightmare. But a nightmare where you cant wake up from, its actually called REALITY. Inevitable and we cant do anything about it. All if left for us to do is to accept it, i know it will be a gradual process but this is something we should do. Moreover, As much as we hate J&A right now, supporting KT, Koki and/or individual members' activities or projects should still be our thing. I dont expect J&A to promote KAT-TUN anymore, I've stopped expecting for 3yrs already. Hyphens are always by themselves trying to be J&A, helping to promote whatever we can by any means (eg. twitter project, fan gath etc) Fandom most esp J&A never fails to make my heart break. People were still tryin to hold on to the hope that the agency will give him a second chance but for me, just being in the fandom for 3yrs already convinced me that they wont even budge, even with people protesting. Thinking about it, this is a cause and effect of actions. but this time, its like a huge blow to us HYPHENS, totally unexpected and sudden. It made me sad to see or read that some of the fans are in hiatus right now. I understand them. They need time and space to breathe from this almost suffocating depression that circles around the fandom. I blame it on J&A :( (sorry cant helped but to blame em)
if KAT-TUN announce or release a single, most likely i will have a mixed emotion. Of course, we're gonna see them as 4nin in the next PV and in their songs. :( OMG. 4nin is awkward. feels very foreign to me. waaaa getting used to this will take a while. D: Moreover, speaking of foreign, fans were wondering about the rap parts. NO MORE RAP PARTS? Unless they're gonna try it which is hard since the lines are usually really fast. not your typical rap tempo from a non-rapper singer. Its gonna be a NEW KAT-TUN. This change will forever be remembered. So now that we are talking about the members, I have read their messages, and yet again, without a fail, I cried. Those words that they mentioned were full of love for Koki, for the fans and the feelings are overflowing. I cant really imagine how hard it is for em. for 10yrs they've been together thru ups and downs. thru success and failures. But they showed that they're doing their might to be stronger than they ever could be. Its like entering the next phase in their story.
To KAT-TUN's Kamenashi, Taguchi, Ueda and Nakamaru,
We will continue to support you and will try our best to be stronger. to be the person who you can get your strength from to go forward. to be worthy of your hardwork to survive and fight until the end. You will be always our ichiban, our KAT-TUN, and we will always be your HYPHEN. We flail other group or maybe other genre of music but NOONE CAN REPLACE YOU IN OUR HEARTS AND CANT COMPARE HOW MUCH YOU AFFECTED OR CHANGED OUR LIVES IN A GOOD WAY.
To Tanaka Koki,
Our Lord, Joker, our best rapper, our animal lover, our protective and sweet guy. This is not the end. This is a beginning of your new journey as an artist. We know that by now, or days before, youre already hurt and very sad. You're a good guy despite of what others are thinking about you. You're prolly worried about us being down and stuff. Dont worry about us! We know who you really are though we're not physically acquainted. :) It can be felt by the heart. Even with this kind of situation, its nice that known people are giving their share of stories about how great you are. We're gonna keep supporting you whatever new adventures you're gonna face. You will always be our " - T ". our forever Tanaka Koki of KAT-TUN! ♥
I LOVE YOU KAT-TUN AND KOKI!
be it 6nin, 5nin or 4nin.
KAT-TUN will always be KAT-TUN
Click to viewWe will miss you Koki~ The one who gave us our name.... HYPHENS~♥