fic recs
Awhile ago, shortly after "Never Been Kissed" aired, I posted an entry regarding Karofsky, the resident bully who was revealed to be in the closet on Glee.
Since then, more episodes have occurred involving increased sexual and physical violence and death threats. I forgot just how terrifying watching those scenes were until "Furt" re-aired last night, but my god was that frightening. I had a lot of fear for Kurt, but still I have so much sympathy and fear for Dave Karofsky too.
It really pains me when I go onto message boards (why oh god why do I do that) or am on Tumblr and hear people say Karofsky has no right to be redeemed, that he is a monster. Yet the way I see him is that he is still just a boy, a kid who has grown up to believe that homosexuality is wrong, and when that gets challenged and he feels something he believes he shouldn't, he tries to repress it with violence to reassert his masculinity. The problem is not completely with David himself. I think his reaction comments heavily on the sort of society we live in that a.) it's wrong to be gay, b.) appearing 'effeminate' is a sign of weakness, and c.) being gay automatically means you're effeminate. Kurt represents all of this. He isn't just gay, and he isn't just effeminate. He's both which makes him doubly threatening and frustrating. And when homosexuality and effeminacy are wrongly tied together so often, there is a fear in Dave that by being gay he will also be weak.
So yes, I am still on Team Karofsky. I'm sort of on Team Kurtofsky, but in a dreamy future sort of way where Karofsky struggles and overcomes his phobias and learns to love himself first, none of this turning around and having Kurt suddenly forgive him again crap. This isn't a dramatic romance, but they could be good friends though. I believe in that. What I really want more than anything is for him to be happy, to be able to look in the mirror with confidence and not with the sort of self-loathing I imagine he puts himself through daily. Of course, this is all speculation, but even in that locker room scene, there was the briefest glimpse of hope on his face before the terror reclaimed him.
So onto the recs. I suppose these three fics are sort of shippy-gen. In some instances, Kurt really is the heart of Dave's affection and other times he represents this longing Dave has to be himself. Either way, the want is never reciprocated and it mostly is about Dave coming (or not) to terms with himself.
Taking This One to the Grave by tamakito; R-ish. Desperate to get Karofsky's secret off his chest without actually telling anyone, Kurt takes advantage of the fact that he's way beyond most of his classmates in French and definitely beyond Azimio, his assigned partner. Unfortunately, it turns out Azimio is actually pretty good at French.
This is less about Dave and Kurt than it is about the sort of environment Dave lives in that perpetuates homophobia. It portrays David in the same sort of monstrous, tormented way we see him on the show--maybe even more so--while still making the reader, or at least me, feel a great deal of sympathy for him.
Want Take Have also by tamakito; PG-13; This prompt: Five times Karofsky looked at Kurt and wanted him... And the one time Karofsky took what he wanted.
I just. Wow. The description of this story makes it seem much more sexual than it is. Or, well, there is a lot of sexual tension because Karofsky tries to reduce it into baser terms so he doesn't have to think much about the deeper, emotional attraction he has for Kurt and Kurt's freedom to be out. There are two passages in here that just killed me, the one where Dave bribes the AV Club into getting bootlegs of glee's rehearsals, and the fantasy Dave has that he tries to make only about sex but can't.
A Thoroughly Average Boy by poetikat; PG-13; He stops in front of a painting of a faceless man and woman sitting half-submerged in the ocean while a smaller person sleeps underwater between them. The woman has wide, round hips and heavy breasts. The man's legs are long and muscular, and his torso - twisted to face the woman beside him - is thin and strong. Dave stares, taking in every brushstroke with ravenous eyes. He can't look in the locker room, but he can look here. The painting won't look back contemptuously and accuse him of being a - one of them.
He wishes the man had a face. He bets it would be a handsome one.
This story has such a glimmer of hope to it, and a lot of it is because of Dave's admiration for Kurt. Of course, he can never show it, but he sees how Kurt will get out one day, and he knows too that he has leave Lima. It's a story of discovery and growing up written in vignettes that are poignant and palpable. When I finished this story, I tried to walk away and do some homework, but came back to it twice. That's how amazing this is.
Since then, more episodes have occurred involving increased sexual and physical violence and death threats. I forgot just how terrifying watching those scenes were until "Furt" re-aired last night, but my god was that frightening. I had a lot of fear for Kurt, but still I have so much sympathy and fear for Dave Karofsky too.
It really pains me when I go onto message boards (why oh god why do I do that) or am on Tumblr and hear people say Karofsky has no right to be redeemed, that he is a monster. Yet the way I see him is that he is still just a boy, a kid who has grown up to believe that homosexuality is wrong, and when that gets challenged and he feels something he believes he shouldn't, he tries to repress it with violence to reassert his masculinity. The problem is not completely with David himself. I think his reaction comments heavily on the sort of society we live in that a.) it's wrong to be gay, b.) appearing 'effeminate' is a sign of weakness, and c.) being gay automatically means you're effeminate. Kurt represents all of this. He isn't just gay, and he isn't just effeminate. He's both which makes him doubly threatening and frustrating. And when homosexuality and effeminacy are wrongly tied together so often, there is a fear in Dave that by being gay he will also be weak.
So yes, I am still on Team Karofsky. I'm sort of on Team Kurtofsky, but in a dreamy future sort of way where Karofsky struggles and overcomes his phobias and learns to love himself first, none of this turning around and having Kurt suddenly forgive him again crap. This isn't a dramatic romance, but they could be good friends though. I believe in that. What I really want more than anything is for him to be happy, to be able to look in the mirror with confidence and not with the sort of self-loathing I imagine he puts himself through daily. Of course, this is all speculation, but even in that locker room scene, there was the briefest glimpse of hope on his face before the terror reclaimed him.
So onto the recs. I suppose these three fics are sort of shippy-gen. In some instances, Kurt really is the heart of Dave's affection and other times he represents this longing Dave has to be himself. Either way, the want is never reciprocated and it mostly is about Dave coming (or not) to terms with himself.
Taking This One to the Grave by tamakito; R-ish. Desperate to get Karofsky's secret off his chest without actually telling anyone, Kurt takes advantage of the fact that he's way beyond most of his classmates in French and definitely beyond Azimio, his assigned partner. Unfortunately, it turns out Azimio is actually pretty good at French.
This is less about Dave and Kurt than it is about the sort of environment Dave lives in that perpetuates homophobia. It portrays David in the same sort of monstrous, tormented way we see him on the show--maybe even more so--while still making the reader, or at least me, feel a great deal of sympathy for him.
Want Take Have also by tamakito; PG-13; This prompt: Five times Karofsky looked at Kurt and wanted him... And the one time Karofsky took what he wanted.
I just. Wow. The description of this story makes it seem much more sexual than it is. Or, well, there is a lot of sexual tension because Karofsky tries to reduce it into baser terms so he doesn't have to think much about the deeper, emotional attraction he has for Kurt and Kurt's freedom to be out. There are two passages in here that just killed me, the one where Dave bribes the AV Club into getting bootlegs of glee's rehearsals, and the fantasy Dave has that he tries to make only about sex but can't.
A Thoroughly Average Boy by poetikat; PG-13; He stops in front of a painting of a faceless man and woman sitting half-submerged in the ocean while a smaller person sleeps underwater between them. The woman has wide, round hips and heavy breasts. The man's legs are long and muscular, and his torso - twisted to face the woman beside him - is thin and strong. Dave stares, taking in every brushstroke with ravenous eyes. He can't look in the locker room, but he can look here. The painting won't look back contemptuously and accuse him of being a - one of them.
He wishes the man had a face. He bets it would be a handsome one.
This story has such a glimmer of hope to it, and a lot of it is because of Dave's admiration for Kurt. Of course, he can never show it, but he sees how Kurt will get out one day, and he knows too that he has leave Lima. It's a story of discovery and growing up written in vignettes that are poignant and palpable. When I finished this story, I tried to walk away and do some homework, but came back to it twice. That's how amazing this is.