Christmas
I'm! Not! Thrilled! I'm not a big fan of holidays in general. I think too many people forget what they're really all about and focus on the stuff that shouldn't matter - DRIVING NICCI BATTY! It's been a really shitty year for me, as I've over-stated several times on here. I'm to the point where I realize I will come out much stronger and I will have a new faith... and all that jazz. But that doesn't really change that it's been a really shitty year. Not right now, anyway.
The Nativity and tree are up... and it's pretty and happy and on-and-on... but I must say I am really, really, r-e-a-l-l-y, glad to be leaving town for Christmas. I don't want to be a humbug for the kids sake... and I know I would be. I'll have a few days after Christmas to spend with the kids, and I'm sure I can put on the happy face required for a few hours of watching them demolish gifts. On an up-note; internet shopping rules! Order, have delivered, done! I'm not a shopper; never have been and never will be. When I bought my last vehicle, for example, I walked in with a picture - said this is what I want, do you have one? 30 minutes later I'm driving away.
Having said all that, I think it's time I do something about my patience level and all around anger. Good idea, no? So what's the problem? Well, the problem is I don't have the patience to do it and I'm too pissed off to care. Fortunately for me, I have someone nudging me (ok, shoe stuck to my back pushing me) to get it done.
Realistically I think feeling like crap has a lot to do with it. Every winter I go thru some MS-ness, and I should just expect it. This year it's been rather horrible, though. I haven't been "allowed" to drive for a week - drs orders (I'm so dizzy!!). We all know those orders are meant to be broken, so I ran out to do a couple errands. I hopped a curb, turned around and came straight home. Perhaps that order should have been followed! Of course, at that point I felt guilty, which only made me feel worse. A friend of mine pointed out it was *only* a curb... to which I replied, "yes, but it could have been a duck"... After a long pause, he started laughing at me (no doubt)... I mean, a duck? Really? Yes, time to see my shrink again!
I'm also dreading my Neuro appointment today. I'm certain there will be an MRI and bloodwork, which is fine. It's been two years since my last MRI. But if the MRI shows active MS, I'm back on the shots. I'll keep my appointment and I'll go back on the shots if I have to, but I really don't want to. My Neuro has been really good to me regarding the shots. We made a deal, and if I have to keep my end of the bargain, I will.
And what is with the man in the red suit? Fun for the kids, maybe... Depends on the child, I guess. Apparently I told Santa, when I was 4, he couldn't be real b/c he was too scary. Go figure. I *truly* understand the celebration and fun of presents, and I think that is GREAT. But Santa isn't real - the work it took to get the paycheck to buy the gifts is real... and that is what should matter; someone loves you enough to buy, or make, you something special to make you smile. Besides, it's Christmas; not Santamas!
So there's that. I think, as honestly as I can phrase it - I'm being a brat. Things don't have to be different just because I want them to be. What I need some assitance with is, "why not?".
The Nativity and tree are up... and it's pretty and happy and on-and-on... but I must say I am really, really, r-e-a-l-l-y, glad to be leaving town for Christmas. I don't want to be a humbug for the kids sake... and I know I would be. I'll have a few days after Christmas to spend with the kids, and I'm sure I can put on the happy face required for a few hours of watching them demolish gifts. On an up-note; internet shopping rules! Order, have delivered, done! I'm not a shopper; never have been and never will be. When I bought my last vehicle, for example, I walked in with a picture - said this is what I want, do you have one? 30 minutes later I'm driving away.
Having said all that, I think it's time I do something about my patience level and all around anger. Good idea, no? So what's the problem? Well, the problem is I don't have the patience to do it and I'm too pissed off to care. Fortunately for me, I have someone nudging me (ok, shoe stuck to my back pushing me) to get it done.
Realistically I think feeling like crap has a lot to do with it. Every winter I go thru some MS-ness, and I should just expect it. This year it's been rather horrible, though. I haven't been "allowed" to drive for a week - drs orders (I'm so dizzy!!). We all know those orders are meant to be broken, so I ran out to do a couple errands. I hopped a curb, turned around and came straight home. Perhaps that order should have been followed! Of course, at that point I felt guilty, which only made me feel worse. A friend of mine pointed out it was *only* a curb... to which I replied, "yes, but it could have been a duck"... After a long pause, he started laughing at me (no doubt)... I mean, a duck? Really? Yes, time to see my shrink again!
I'm also dreading my Neuro appointment today. I'm certain there will be an MRI and bloodwork, which is fine. It's been two years since my last MRI. But if the MRI shows active MS, I'm back on the shots. I'll keep my appointment and I'll go back on the shots if I have to, but I really don't want to. My Neuro has been really good to me regarding the shots. We made a deal, and if I have to keep my end of the bargain, I will.
And what is with the man in the red suit? Fun for the kids, maybe... Depends on the child, I guess. Apparently I told Santa, when I was 4, he couldn't be real b/c he was too scary. Go figure. I *truly* understand the celebration and fun of presents, and I think that is GREAT. But Santa isn't real - the work it took to get the paycheck to buy the gifts is real... and that is what should matter; someone loves you enough to buy, or make, you something special to make you smile. Besides, it's Christmas; not Santamas!
So there's that. I think, as honestly as I can phrase it - I'm being a brat. Things don't have to be different just because I want them to be. What I need some assitance with is, "why not?".