Overdramatic?
So last night, I had a nightmare of what "would have been" if I hadn't decided to date Sean when the opportunity presented itself. I was in a relationship with another man (boy, more like), and the color themes were all dark, it was stormy outside the car we were driving in, to some party. I was doing my worrying and asking if that person liked me, which I do now with Sean. The person I was with decided to say he no longer wanted to be with me. I said that it made sense, he was very young and wanted to be alone and single, yada yada yada (I think he was like 2 years younger than me). But then I started grieving, not for this person but for Sean. Feeling like if I had Sean that my companionship would be more important than liberty to fool around. We got to the party. Sean was there. I immediately forgot the man I was with and I asked Sean if he would give me another chance. I think I tried some romantic speech and gestures, to no immediate avail. He folded his arms and stared pensively, biting his lip a bit, the way he does when I've done something irrational/stupid in real life and he is a little upset about it. I think at that point his friends started to laugh. I saw Walkers, our friends in real life, there laughing, too. But in this scenario they didn't know me, and thought I was amusing. Sean dismissed me, and I was being comforted by Vanessa. I think some people that used to make fun of her in high school started laughing at her and pointing, and I threw whatever was in my hand at them as a group. Then I think I had to run away or something.
I think at the end, Sean asked me "okay, so are you gonna give me a call, or what?" meaning that he was changing his mind about me a little. Though I was happy in the dream, I didn't have very long to absorb that this actually happened before I woke up, so I woke up upset that we had missed out on so many years together, upset that he didn't want me, upset that I had been wasting my time with a dope.
Ha, if I didn't have what I have now, I would be in a worse place, trying to get here. My dream reminds me that I'm happy, that lesser things like work, school, money.. should not detract from my gratitude for what is really important.
I think at the end, Sean asked me "okay, so are you gonna give me a call, or what?" meaning that he was changing his mind about me a little. Though I was happy in the dream, I didn't have very long to absorb that this actually happened before I woke up, so I woke up upset that we had missed out on so many years together, upset that he didn't want me, upset that I had been wasting my time with a dope.
Ha, if I didn't have what I have now, I would be in a worse place, trying to get here. My dream reminds me that I'm happy, that lesser things like work, school, money.. should not detract from my gratitude for what is really important.