Realizations
What do you do when you realize that you don't even thing that you are worthy of love? Like if you force fate, make a wish and have it come true and then you fuck it up, do you deserve another shot?
Oh and to top it off you pop in a movie to wash it all away and it just brings you back there anyway.
I'm so tired of this, grr. When did I get here? Wherever the hell here is. I need to go to bed. Now I've gone and bursted the capilaries in my forehead and it looks horrible. Great just something else to ring in my new year. Luckily everyone has been nice enough to look without speaking. It took a few weeks last time. That'll teach me to have a crush on a gym bunny. Ofcourse I spent way to long in the sauna staring at him. Hopefully it will go away soon. It's 3am, 3am and I am still awake. Sleep would be good now. I need a goal. So the last time I said it would be the last time. Here it is again.
If you find it, and you know that you are destined to lose it, why try. In the end, you're still alone. That the sad truth is maybe you'll be the lucky one and die first. That's comforting. Okay so now I am just depressing myself.
Christmas went alright. Orphan x-mas was a success I think. I had a good time. I hope everyone else did too. New year's is around the corner. I used to look forward to it, now it seems like any other weekend. Eh Fuck It! I am better than all this. I know better than this. I know that this...misery will pass. I just have to well I just do. No I just will. That's the wonderful thing about life, what was, what is, what isn't, what will be, it all changes. Where we are, where we were it's all temporary. Well bring it on 2005! CTM is definitely ready if not wiser and looks forward to the life ahead, pain, suffering, love and joy.
Oh and to top it off you pop in a movie to wash it all away and it just brings you back there anyway.
I'm so tired of this, grr. When did I get here? Wherever the hell here is. I need to go to bed. Now I've gone and bursted the capilaries in my forehead and it looks horrible. Great just something else to ring in my new year. Luckily everyone has been nice enough to look without speaking. It took a few weeks last time. That'll teach me to have a crush on a gym bunny. Ofcourse I spent way to long in the sauna staring at him. Hopefully it will go away soon. It's 3am, 3am and I am still awake. Sleep would be good now. I need a goal. So the last time I said it would be the last time. Here it is again.
If you find it, and you know that you are destined to lose it, why try. In the end, you're still alone. That the sad truth is maybe you'll be the lucky one and die first. That's comforting. Okay so now I am just depressing myself.
Christmas went alright. Orphan x-mas was a success I think. I had a good time. I hope everyone else did too. New year's is around the corner. I used to look forward to it, now it seems like any other weekend. Eh Fuck It! I am better than all this. I know better than this. I know that this...misery will pass. I just have to well I just do. No I just will. That's the wonderful thing about life, what was, what is, what isn't, what will be, it all changes. Where we are, where we were it's all temporary. Well bring it on 2005! CTM is definitely ready if not wiser and looks forward to the life ahead, pain, suffering, love and joy.