You cut me and I - fic
Title: You cut me open and I
Pairing: GrimmIchi
Rating: Safe
Summary: He doesn’t want to fight anymore.
A/N: Inspired by Leona Lewis’ Bleeding Love which keeps playing over and over on the radio.
-
Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen
Ichigo wondered, and not for the first time, what exactly had happened.
Two nights ago, he had quite literally collided into Grimmjow while on his way to exorcise some Hollows. The Espada had been heading in the opposite direction, reiatsu fully suppressed and using his sonido in rapid bursts. Ichigo himself had been shunpo-ing and the chances of them bumping into each other had been practically non-existent. Therefore, it was perfectly understandable that when they smacked into each other (and at super high speeds at that), both had been completely unbalanced and surprised by the unexpectedness of the encounter.
“Grimmjow!” had been the first words out of his mouth, as Ichigo rubbed at his stinging forehead.
The Arrancar had grunted (in reply or in surprise, Ichigo had no idea) and dusted himself off (as if Ichigo was dirty or something) before snarling, “Watch where you’re going shinigami!”
Ichigo had bristled, more than ready to argue that it had been his fault as much as Grimmjow’s but the Arrancar had immediately sonido-ed away. It had left him feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied, almost disappointed. Grimmjow always left him in the heat of battle, but always with some parting words (which Ichigo didn’t really care for); him leaving so abruptly this time was just unsettling.
Ichigo wondered, and not for the first time, why that was so.
-
But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy
“Ichigo! Oi, Ichigo!”
Keigo frowned, pausing momentarily in waving his hand in the other’s face. He’d been doing that for nearly a minute already and Ichigo still hadn’t hit him.
“That’s strange,” Mizuiro commented, “he hasn’t hit you yet.”
“Hahaha!” Keigo laughed, flashing a toothy grin at his friend, “Maybe Ichigo has finally decided he likes my attention!”
“Uhh,” Mizuiro sweatdropped, “he isn’t paying you any attention right now.”
“Kurosaki?” it was Ishida who pushed the sputtering Keigo aside, “Are you all right?”
“Huh?” Ichigo had heard them, but he hadn’t felt the need to respond. Keigo was being his normal idiotic self, something that happened all too often, and he felt that he shouldn’t derail his thoughts for the idiot’s sake. Ishida however, was a different matter. No way in hell was he going to let that girly boy fuss over him!
“Hey!” Keigo protested, “How come you answer him but ignore me?”
“Because you’re not worth paying attention to,” Mizuiro answered patiently.
“What!” he squawked indignantly, “You’re always so cruel to me! Always running off on your dates and leaving poor me all alone…”
“That’s because you’re not worth paying attention to,” he repeated.
Ichigo tuned out his friend’s bickering and deigned a look in Ishida’s direction. The other boy was watching him appraisingly. “What?” he scowled.
Ishida pushed his glasses up his nose, “Nothing.”
-
But I don’t care away what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein that I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
The Shinigami was humping his leg.
As if that wasn’t disturbing enough, the kid was also making these really desperate mewling sounds while gasping for breath. Grimmjow averted his eyes and decided that this was something he didn’t want to consciously experience - let the kid find his release; he wasn’t going to help nor push him away.
“Grimm…” the kid’s voice was breathy, light, “Grimm, please.”
Blunt nails dug into his skin drawing blood. His eye twitched but he stubbornly refused to look at the kid.
“Grimm,” Ichigo pleaded, rubbing himself desperately against the Espada, “I need this.” I need you, was what he wanted to say, but that would only drive the other away even further. Tears stung his eyes, but he resisted. Grimmjow hated such human emotions.
The way he saw it, he had only two options. One, he could continue to ignore the kid and wait till he was done. But with how he was going, it would be a while more. Or two, he could give the kid what he wanted and get it over with. The bed being as small as it was and the way the berry was panting and clinging so tightly to him… well, it looked like there was no option after all. With a low growl, Grimmjow grabbed a fistful of orange hair and hissed angrily, “I’m not doing this for you, understand?”
Ichigo shuddered at the warm breath ghosting his ears. He nodded, and pressed his hips encouragingly down. Grimmjow snorted and reached a hand down to slip into his pants, fingers winding round the erected member cruelly. He squeezed.
Ichigo gasped, his whole body stiffening. “Grimmjow!”
Wanting to get it over as quickly as possible, the Arrancar started to pump, his movements cold and calculated. He didn’t look at the kid who had started whimpering and bucking his hips. He swiped a finger over the tip of the leaking member and scoffed when Ichigo came with a sharp cry.
“Grimm…” the kid’s voice was hoarse, his arms tightening considerably around Grimmjow’s neck.
Withdrawing his hand, Grimmjow forcefully removed the tight grip from around him. “Stop that,” he scowled, “it’s too fucking hot for this shit.”
Ichigo made a small noise of protest but shifted away. Grimmjow turned over to his side, back facing the kid. Like hell he’d let himself be stared at the whole night.
-
Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling
“What the hell are you trying to say?” Grimmjow demanded, annoyed at the congenial way Urahara was smiling at him, “That the reason the brat took me to this shit town was because he wants me to fuck his ass?”
Urahara’s smile widened, and he fanned himself coquettishly. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to say, Grimmjow-san.”
Teal eyes narrowed dangerously, “Then send me back.”
“Back?”
“To Hueco Mundo you dumbshit.”
“You want to go back to Hueco Mundo?”
“That’s what I just said!” the Arrancar was snarling now.
Urahara tilted his head and looked at the other thoughtfully. He snapped his fan shut. “I can’t do that.”
“Why the fuck not?!”
“Because I’m under obligation to keep you here.” At the dangerous gleam in Grimmjow’s eyes, he rushed to explain. “We made a deal with Soul Society, Kurosaki-san and I. In exchange for letting you live, you are to be under constant supervision and not allowed to leave Karakura town under any circumstance.”
“LETTING ME LIVE?”
Urahara stared at him in surprise, “Surely you didn’t think you’d still be alive if we hadn’t interfered? Your wounds at that time were fatal, Grimmjow-san. If Kurosaki-san hadn’t brought you to me so quickly, you’d have died right then. And if Kurosaki-san hadn’t insisted so much, Soul Society would have had you exterminated by now.”
Grimmjow bristled at the implication. “So I’m alive because that brat begged for my life?”
“Well, when you put it that way, yes.”
Grimmjow had never felt more insulted in his life. “Then kill me. I don’t want to owe him anything!”
The blond shook his head, “I can’t do that.”
“Send me somewhere else then!”
“I can’t do that either.”
“Then what the fuck can you do?!”
-
But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe
He wasn’t about to admit it, but Grimmjow was getting used to Ichigo always being around him. The kid was like some surveillance camera, the way his eyes followed his every movement every-fucking-where. It was as if he was afraid Grimmjow was going to just up and leave him.
“Dumb kid,” he scoffed, a hand reaching out to flick lightly at the boy’s forehead. Ichigo mewled in his sleep, unconsciously (or not) snuggling deeper into Grimmjow.
“Like I could go anywhere with the shit you got me into.”
He wasn’t about to admit, to anyone much less himself, that the arm tightening around the kid was his own doing.
-
I don’t care away what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein that I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Rukia and Renji hadn’t taken too well to his arrangements. He hadn’t really expected them to understand - emotions were hard to explain after all. And the way he felt about Grimmjow couldn’t be defined by mere words.
“Are you keeping him because you’re… lonely?” Rukia asked as she stared intently at the Arrancar.
Ichigo smiled inwardly at the way Grimmjow snarled (predictably) and the way Renji’s hand went immediately to the hilt of his Zanpakuto (also predictably).
“Ichigo?” she pressed, her stance defensive.
“What?” he asked almost lazily, gaze still on Grimmjow.
“Have you tamed him?” Renji said suddenly.
“I’ll fucking kill you!” Grimmjow growled, launching himself at the redhead. Ichigo intercepted his attack, even if he thought Renji deserved it.
“No,” he told Renji over his shoulder, “and don’t talk about him like that.”
-
And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see
Ulquiorra was having some troubling thoughts. Aizen-sama had called for a meeting and in it he had informed all the Espada that Grimmjow had been captured by the Shinigami and he had left it at that. He had failed to mention the circumstances - that Grimmjow had not allowed himself to be captured; had been almost dead when the orange-haired boy had taken him. Aizen-sama had also failed to request a report from him of the situation.
Ulquiorra suspected that it was intentional. Whatever Aizen did was intentional. Grimmjow had said that before, a long time ago. “That guy never does anything without a reason,” he had said, “he’s that kind of guy.”
Ulquiorra had been newly born then, and back then Grimmjow had been somewhat nice to him, watching out for him and keeping the other Arrancar away. That had been before he’d been promoted to Cuarto Espada because after that, everything changed.
Even if Grimmjow never did.
-
I don’t care away what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein that I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Something suspicious was going on, he concluded. Because Grimmjow’s reiatsu had disappeared completely - there had been no surge, no dipping. It was as if it had been suddenly smothered, and that thought disturbed him greatly, namely because Grimmjow had always been someone who never bothered to control his reiatsu and this complete shutting off was something unnatural and very unlike him.
Aizen probably knew. But Aizen probably wouldn’t tell him. Well, that was too bad, because Ulquiorra was going to find out on his own just what exactly happened to Grimmjow.
-
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
Ichigo watched Grimmjow staring out the window. The Espada had been strangely subdued since Ulquiorra had appeared before them today, and he hadn’t put up much of a fight (verbal or physical) when Ulquiorra insisted on speaking with him alone. He’d met his gaze levelly, before dipping his head imperceptibly in assent.
They were gone a long time.
“What did he want?” Ichigo asked, keeping his voice just above a whisper.
Grimmjow showed no sign that he’d heard and Ichigo was about to repeat his question when the other started to laugh, the sound bitter and hollow.
“He wanted to know,” Ichigo noticed the way Grimmjow clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes, even as a smile spread across his face revealing his fangs, “if I wanted him to save me.”
Ichigo gaped in surprise, not expecting him to be so candid with his reply.
“I’ve fallen so low,” Grimmjow’s smile was even more bitter than his laugh, “that Ulquiorra wants to save me.”
His smile suddenly disappeared and his gaze sharpened on Ichigo.
“You’ve destroyed me, shinigami.” He spat angrily, “There’s no way I can go back now.”
Ichigo bit back the I’m sorry that was on the tip of his tongue. “Do you want to go back?” he asked instead.
Grimmjow stared at him, long and hard, not responding. The seconds ticked by and Ichigo watched the clouds shift so that the moonlight spilled across the lone figure by the window.
“If you really wanted,” he began, heart twisting painfully in his chest, “if you really wanted, I could try to talk to Soul Society…”
Grimmjow snorted and looked away, breaking their gaze. “No.”
“No?” Ichigo echoed, hating the way his heart surged with hope.
“They’ll just kill me if I go back. It’s too late.”
He swallowed thickly, “But Ulquiorra…”
“Ulquiorra can only do so much,” Grimmjow sounded disgusted, “and I won’t stoop so low to let myself be taken care of by him.”
“But you’ll let me take care of you?” Ichigo questioned.
A bark of laughter forced itself out of his throat. “I didn’t have a choice, fucking brat.”
“Now you do.” He slid onto the bed next to Grimmjow, waiting, wanting.
Grimmjow glared at him for several minutes before he scoffed, “But it’s too late now.”
Ichigo smiled as he rested his head against that strong, sturdy chest. “Yeah.”
You cut me open and I,
I keep bleeding love.
-