(no subject)
this is the first and last public entry i will probably ever make.
my life is slowly falling back in place. for awhile there, i was so stressed and overwhelmed that i was blinded by what really matters: the people i surround myself with. i've begun to realize that those who matter to me and are the most important to me, are the ones that are still there. those people, they're the ones i truly care about. fuck fairweather friends and so called "best friends" who can't return a single phone call in a time of need. fuck plan breakers and drama makers and more importantly, fuck liars and stealers. i'm returning home to long island in another two weeks and i'm really excited because hopefully, dennis will also be home. i've been thinking about the old times lately and i really miss the way things used to be and the things we used to do. i miss DMC and slut crew. i would say that i missed GNO, but apparently, nobody really cares about anyone but themselves these days. i miss paul, especially. i miss patrice and marc and my entire family. i'm not too sure what's going on with thanksgiving this year since everything is so different now, but i hope that it won't be too awkward. i hope that things won't be strange without my mom being there making jokes at the table or cursing like a sailor. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post, since I rarely post in here anymore: but I recently spoke to her over the phone. It was both incredibly difficult but incredibly fulfilling at the same time, if that's even possible. we're now corresponding via written letter. i feel as a thousand weights have been lifted off my shoulders.
i've come to terms with everything that has happened and received some sort of closure from it, albeit however small. i know that hard times are still yet to come and that things may only get worse, but it helps to know that i have some people behind me who truly care. it's been almost a month since i've smoked a cigarette and almost half a year since i've been with kc. i've decided that from this point on, i'm looking out for number one: me. people will come and go in life, and i've learned that the hard way. i'm the type of person who will drop everything and run to your side if need be. or perhaps, the type of person who instead of studying will run to a friend's dorm with antiseptic lotion and glyoxide to help clean out a piercing that was done unprofessionally and gushing blood? or perhaps the type of person who would drive out to a random field and rescue her friends who were too stoned to realize where they were. or perhaps the type of person who would drive two hours out of her way, use up an entire tank of gas and get lost in QUEENS just so you could see your boyfriend you haven't seen in a week. maybe i'm also the type of person who gets FUCKED in the end because people can never appreciate the good things that have been done for them. maybe i am the type of person you should just drop contact with because god forbid i can't be there for you to suck the life out of when i'm having my own crisis.
perhaps i am all of these things, but here's one thing i am for sure: determined, stubborn and unforgiving. you've fucked up. you're gone now. and if you think that any of these "scenarios" [which mind you, ARE ALL TRUE] are anbout you, than they are. yes, that's right, i have become just like you: writing about shit via livejournal. you don't like it? tough. maybe you should be a better friend.
on another note: i still am obsessed with X-Men, possibly even more so because my wonderful boyfriend has downloaded THE. ENTIRE. SERIES.
my life is slowly falling back in place. for awhile there, i was so stressed and overwhelmed that i was blinded by what really matters: the people i surround myself with. i've begun to realize that those who matter to me and are the most important to me, are the ones that are still there. those people, they're the ones i truly care about. fuck fairweather friends and so called "best friends" who can't return a single phone call in a time of need. fuck plan breakers and drama makers and more importantly, fuck liars and stealers. i'm returning home to long island in another two weeks and i'm really excited because hopefully, dennis will also be home. i've been thinking about the old times lately and i really miss the way things used to be and the things we used to do. i miss DMC and slut crew. i would say that i missed GNO, but apparently, nobody really cares about anyone but themselves these days. i miss paul, especially. i miss patrice and marc and my entire family. i'm not too sure what's going on with thanksgiving this year since everything is so different now, but i hope that it won't be too awkward. i hope that things won't be strange without my mom being there making jokes at the table or cursing like a sailor. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post, since I rarely post in here anymore: but I recently spoke to her over the phone. It was both incredibly difficult but incredibly fulfilling at the same time, if that's even possible. we're now corresponding via written letter. i feel as a thousand weights have been lifted off my shoulders.
i've come to terms with everything that has happened and received some sort of closure from it, albeit however small. i know that hard times are still yet to come and that things may only get worse, but it helps to know that i have some people behind me who truly care. it's been almost a month since i've smoked a cigarette and almost half a year since i've been with kc. i've decided that from this point on, i'm looking out for number one: me. people will come and go in life, and i've learned that the hard way. i'm the type of person who will drop everything and run to your side if need be. or perhaps, the type of person who instead of studying will run to a friend's dorm with antiseptic lotion and glyoxide to help clean out a piercing that was done unprofessionally and gushing blood? or perhaps the type of person who would drive out to a random field and rescue her friends who were too stoned to realize where they were. or perhaps the type of person who would drive two hours out of her way, use up an entire tank of gas and get lost in QUEENS just so you could see your boyfriend you haven't seen in a week. maybe i'm also the type of person who gets FUCKED in the end because people can never appreciate the good things that have been done for them. maybe i am the type of person you should just drop contact with because god forbid i can't be there for you to suck the life out of when i'm having my own crisis.
perhaps i am all of these things, but here's one thing i am for sure: determined, stubborn and unforgiving. you've fucked up. you're gone now. and if you think that any of these "scenarios" [which mind you, ARE ALL TRUE] are anbout you, than they are. yes, that's right, i have become just like you: writing about shit via livejournal. you don't like it? tough. maybe you should be a better friend.
on another note: i still am obsessed with X-Men, possibly even more so because my wonderful boyfriend has downloaded THE. ENTIRE. SERIES.