Arghhh.....

Oct 16, 2009 10:06

Yes, I need to be more positive. I am trying to center myself, and remember my blessings, but lately I feel so overwhelmed.

I want some answers. I miss therapy, and long to return- but my main nemesis; money prevents me.
Money, money, money!!!! Shall I say, lack of money.
I am NOT a materialistic person, but I feel miserable that I am not making more money. Both Shawn and I work like dogs. I teach 26 hours of adult ESL. That's five classes at five different sites. My office is my car, and I don't have internet at these sites available for me. I work days, and nights, and never see Gabriel Monday-Thursday nights. We NEVER go out to eat, or buy anything either than items for Gabriel, food, gas, my medication, and of'course paying our bills. I am extremely frugal with our money, and it's driving Shawn nuts. I haven't traveled in four year, and seen my dear friends in other states.
What pains me is not being able to give Gabriel more. We want a Wii for Gabriel, and savings to take him places. I feel so disabled that I can't give him.
The big question is why so little funds? I am highly educated, and motivated. Both parents are working, saving, and extremely thrifty. I have applied for a faculty Speech, and Adult ESL positions, and a part time testing assistant all at ACC. If I could get a part time office job at ACC and continue working adult ESL there, I would be much better. I can't walk away from the adult ESL for I am making vital contacts, and SLOWLY making way in this small world. I know that I am a good teacher, but the funding for adult ESL is SMALL. However, I have to bring more money in for Gabriel. I am torn to give up adult ESL completely and get a full time office job, or hold out for a combo at ACC?
Also, the emotional support from my mother, and father is depressing. My father is a great neutral/ part time Dad. He is on auto-pilot. My mother is a crazy loon that I mentally lost at the car accident five years ago. I long for family support, and find myself becoming numb towards my parents.
I needed to purge via live journal.
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