That single thing
It's wierd how I go through funny phases like this...ohh how I love self refelcting and learning about being self-aware to limit the counter trnasference that might occur with clients. Yea social work. We did a role play in which the person I was counseling got upset and told me I had no right to be counseling her because I'm single and don't know about being in a relationship. Ouch haha. It made me think a bit and then when I was driving home from work tonight I just wanted some one to call and talk to about my day, about whats going on in my life but I really just don't have anyone to call any more. That's not saying that I don't have friends that I can shoot the shit with and blah blah blah but just a person to call on my drive home, to tell about the dumb high school kids that are working with me and about how I love my managers, or how I fell out of bed last night and thought I was going to die because it's like an eight foot drop and I landed on everything possible. You know just one of those, to talk about how my theory class has compeletly changed my out look on the world, and how I'm scared because in four months I have to decide what my senior project is going to be on and what I'm going to do after graduation, where I want to apply to grad school...if I want to apply to grad school. I'm back to being the helpless little girl who just needs some one to hold me for a few seconds while they reasure me that I'm doing what is right and that everything will fall into place.
I hate the fact that people have tried to be the person that I wish I had but I run away from them. I want to stop running now. Really stop. It's just that terror in my stomach that wont let me no matter how hard I try. I wake up in the morning and run, not a glance over my shoulder just a dead sprint out the door. I don't want that any more. I don't want to be over envolved on campus so I have a valid excuse for my running. I sick of it...after a year and a half of hardly giving myself time to sleep I just want to be able to stop and let some one know me again... bah oh the ramblings of me when i should be writing my mid term...haha just some one to talk to...