(no subject)
I'm sorry for the way things happened tonight. I know someday that we'll be friends, if not aquaintences. I'm just not ready. I need time. I need distance. Being as apart from eachother as possible is the only thing I know for sure needs to happen. You need to realize that I have been severly wounded by what has happened between you and I. Pointing out eachother's faults and failures is only going to inhibit us and continue this ridiculous cycle we've been in for far too long.
While I'll always want to know how you're doing, being in eachother's lives is not the best thing for us right now. I miss you, but I don't miss being frustrated with you and with myself. I don't think we've even come close to dealing with what has happened here. I don't think we've been completely honest with just how much each individual situation has affected us not just with eachother but with ourselves. Because its so much easier for me to get mad than it is to show you, or myself for that matter, just how much of a toll this has taken on me. I think that goes both ways.
I don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want you to be angry anymore. We can't worry about the distant future when the present we live in that is passing us by is consumed by anger and fear and worry and sadness and loss. I'll always love you, and I could never forget you. Our hearts and our minds would never allow such a tragedy to occur.
I AM glad that you're back in school and that you have something to be proud of. I hope you achieve your goals and become a firefighter. You are one of the most gifted people I know and I'm glad to see that you're making the most sincere attempt at being sober and going to school that I've seen from you in a long time. You didn't always no what you wanted to do, but you liked being here and being alive. Its that ambition that made me attracted to you and I feel like that's something you're getting back. I've always wanted the best things for you, even if I never made you feel like you could get those things. No matter whose decision it was or could have been, breaking up was probably the best thing we could've done even though its absolute murder. I have other relationships to work on, especially the one with my mother. We both need to work on the relationships we have with ourselves, too.
I hope the next time we talk I'm not as angry. I hope when you get your diploma that I'm invited to your graduation ceremony because that is a moment I would like to share with you, as you did with mine. I will always love you and be here for you, but 3 in the morning is a little tricky for me. Ok, its bed time.. Please don't respond to this. I'll know if you've read it. It's just better that way.
Nicole
While I'll always want to know how you're doing, being in eachother's lives is not the best thing for us right now. I miss you, but I don't miss being frustrated with you and with myself. I don't think we've even come close to dealing with what has happened here. I don't think we've been completely honest with just how much each individual situation has affected us not just with eachother but with ourselves. Because its so much easier for me to get mad than it is to show you, or myself for that matter, just how much of a toll this has taken on me. I think that goes both ways.
I don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want you to be angry anymore. We can't worry about the distant future when the present we live in that is passing us by is consumed by anger and fear and worry and sadness and loss. I'll always love you, and I could never forget you. Our hearts and our minds would never allow such a tragedy to occur.
I AM glad that you're back in school and that you have something to be proud of. I hope you achieve your goals and become a firefighter. You are one of the most gifted people I know and I'm glad to see that you're making the most sincere attempt at being sober and going to school that I've seen from you in a long time. You didn't always no what you wanted to do, but you liked being here and being alive. Its that ambition that made me attracted to you and I feel like that's something you're getting back. I've always wanted the best things for you, even if I never made you feel like you could get those things. No matter whose decision it was or could have been, breaking up was probably the best thing we could've done even though its absolute murder. I have other relationships to work on, especially the one with my mother. We both need to work on the relationships we have with ourselves, too.
I hope the next time we talk I'm not as angry. I hope when you get your diploma that I'm invited to your graduation ceremony because that is a moment I would like to share with you, as you did with mine. I will always love you and be here for you, but 3 in the morning is a little tricky for me. Ok, its bed time.. Please don't respond to this. I'll know if you've read it. It's just better that way.
Nicole